


Frustrations and Expectations

by cardiovascularlyshattered (forallthethingsimnot)



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-17 05:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 74,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2297864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forallthethingsimnot/pseuds/cardiovascularlyshattered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a funny feeling, and an even stranger exchange of words, that somewhere in the midst, grow appropriate. Whatever they've done, however they've tangled themselves, it's been done together. The words always and intended run through Alex's mind. It's some form of permanent, some flicker of forever. They're not going anywhere. Alex/Piper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is an adjusted copy originally posted on fanfiction.net, with longer chapters but the same content. Enjoy.

The day had grown late by the time Piper Chapman finally secured the lock and descended the porch steps. The golden afternoon light started gradually seeping away, yet managed to catch on the red autumn leaves that hung precariously on the trees that lined the street. Piper inhaled a shaky breath, her chest constricting as a flood of cold air pierced her lungs. Damn, I should've worn a jacket, Piper muttered inwardly. She picked up her pace a little in an effort to dispel the cold, scuffing along the sidewalk.

Piper had always enjoyed the coming of winter. She loved the feeling of the cold as it hit her cheeks. The way the snow patted gently on car rooves and letterboxes. The musty smell the house generated without fresh air to flow freely through it. Yet these days, winter was associated with another wasted year; at least that was the case for her parents. Most graduates went on to steady jobs and careers. But that wasn't a reality for Piper. She hadn't picked her major based on income prospects, despite the endless encouragement from her parents to study something solid. But solid wasn't Piper's game.

Nevertheless, she had enjoyed the time it allowed her to pursue her passion for theatre, read all those books that collected dust on her shelf, get dragged into parties and sleep the next day away. But her parents slowly began to resent the full financial support they granted her, and the necessity of finally getting her head down was slowly winning out.

Guilt at her half-hearted attempts at finding a job incrementally ate away at her conscience, and so Piper convinced herself that she'd bunk down at a coffeehouse, work off her hangover, and reconsider her options. She hung her head, unfocused as her worn Doc Martens paced the pavement, everything falling into a blur. The cold bit at her fingertips, and in retaliation she jammed her hands into the slim pockets of her jeans.

Piper was interrupted from her daze when she felt herself collide into something, or someone. Piper winced at the impact. Her clumsiness had made her accustomed to the familiar crash, and she mentally cursed herself for failing to pay attention to her direction. Her mother always pestered her about this habit of hers, stressing that If you don't cure yourself of that nasty habit of yours, you'll have a run-in with something much more serious than a signpost!

"Oh, shit. I'm so sorry…" Piper muttered, excusing her clumsiness as she held out her hand to steady the victim. "I wasn't looking where I was going-" Raising her head sharply from its gloomy tilt, Piper's jaw dropped ajar slightly as she realised who she had crashed into.

"Uh, it's…you" Piper stuttered, tripping blindly over her words, failing to formulate coherency. Her glance inevitably drifted, noticing how the cerulean-tipped locks appeared almost imperceptible against her dark blue leather jacket. Working her way up the jet-black curls, Piper finally managed to tentatively return Alex's gaze; her black-rimmed glasses framing those piercing green eyes that shone confidently back at her. She was hard to forget. And even harder to avoid, apparently.

Alex cracked a tentative smile. "Oh yeah. Laura Ingalls Wilder. I remember you."

Piper felt heat sting at her cheeks as she desperately tried to crush the signs of embarrassment giving her away. Finally, Piper managed to muster up the courage to respond, swallowing down the lump that was forming in her throat. "Look, I'm so sorry about that. Did I hurt you?"

Alex grimaced as she held out her coffee cup and inspected it for spillage. "I'll survive. You didn't manage to drench me in mocha, so congratulations. You successfully avoided a dreadfully overused cliché where you're obligated to clean the mess off my shirt."

The forwardness of Alex's reply threw Piper off-guard, and she rendered her completely unsure of how she could even appropriately respond. Is she flirting with me? Piper realised that she should probably reply before she was made completely mute, but each time she tried to form a logical answer in her head, she failed dismally. Alex arched an eyebrow, sensing Piper's discomfort. "Kidding, mostly."

There was something about this Alex character that Piper felt utterly captivated by. Some foreign quality she'd never seen before in a person. Some difference that appeared so attractive to Piper, she felt compelled to chase after it. Perhaps it was because Alex was distinctive to most in this town. From what Piper had managed to establish, Alex belonged to the sophisticated, cultured clique that rented the town-houses up on the high road. They rarely bothered with the college bars and cheap diner joints haunted by the broke college kids. Piper had never harboured any inclination to associate with those types. They were rich and considerably older than herself. But Alex didn't quite fit that mould. Alex was something else entirely.

"How's that resume bullshitting treating you?" Alex quipped, effectively bringing the conversation back to something a little more sterile. Piper shrugged slightly, her glance wandering as she avoided her tendency to state; balancing her gaze between eye-contact and the brickwork of the building adjacent. "Oh, you know, I'm working on it."

Alex nodded enthusiastically in assent. "And by working on it, do you mean working off a crippling hangover?" Piper cringed, getting the sensation of Alex's eyes boring into her. It was a feeling she had never felt before, like someone had taken a knife to her and ripped her wide open. Like all her defences couldn't shield her from Alex's intuition. Like Alex was somehow able to see her for who she really was. Was it really that obvious?

"I-, how can you tell?" Piper stammered, crossing her arms in a meek last-line-of-defence gesture.

Piper watched as a smirk tugged at Alex's lips, allowing her slight dimples to peek out from her cheek. "I can see the bags under your eyes. Your make-up's not exactly hiding it all that well." She responded, brandishing her cup close to Piper's face.

"Oh. For a minute that I thought you were some kind of psychic."

Alex gave a throaty laugh. "Are you fucking kidding me? No need for psychic-voodoo, you're an open book, kid." Piper grimaced. Perhaps she was. She was a terrible liar, and even worse at keeping secrets; but she'd never felt so incredibly transparent.

Alex adjusted her position awkwardly, drumming her fingers on the takeaway cup she brandished, waiting to see whether Piper would respond. But Alex had done a wonderful job at rendering Piper mute, remaining absent of a reply for what felt like close to a minute.

"Hey," Alex began, "I can see that you're freezing. They've got some killer espresso in there. Keep me company, and I'll give you a few resume tips while you're at it." Alex offered, gesturing towards the corner coffee shop.

A strange sense of joy began to bubble within Piper at the offer. She wanted to jump at the opportunity, to let her eagerness show as she took the bait from the trap so whole-heartedly. But she decided that eagerness was sure to put Alex off, and the last thing Piper wanted was to scare her away.

"Sure." She replied casually, sticking her hands back into her pockets. Alex crinkled her brow in confusion. "It's just an offer, Piper Chapman. You're not obligated to take me up on it." Shit, thought Piper. I overdid it. "No, no. I mean, I think I could use the tips."

Alex hesitated, but detected the slither of a smile creep onto Piper's face, and figured she was being deliberately nonchalant. Playing hard to get.

Piper rubbed her palms together furiously before jamming them in-between her thighs. Alex pushed the coffee towards Piper, taking a swig of her own as she did so. "Thanks," Piper muttered as she lifted up the plastic top and discarded it on the table, the strong aroma of coffee being released into the air. Raising the hardened edge to her lips, Piper tasted bitterness flood over her tastebuds. Piper screwed up her features and cut her sip short at the assault. "Oh gosh, what's in this?" Piper exclaimed, horrified. Alex grinned, giving Piper the impression it was intentional.

"Double shot. Of whiskey, that is. You looked like you needed it."

Piper nodded in acknowledgement. "You really didn't have to pay for that. In fact, it's kinda becoming a habit, don't you think?" She commented, revelling in the way the liquid bubbled and burned deliciously down the back of her throat, creating a wonderful sensation of warmth that only seemed to spread through her entire body.

Alex shook her head. "Don't worry about it. You're a broke college grad! I'm practically aiding the nation's poor and needy! Perhaps I can even take you in and give you shelter." Alex teased. Piper spluttered against the rim of her drink, hot liquid being expelled back into the cup as she was reduced into a coughing fit. Alex clapped her hands together in triumph, attracting the attention of several disgruntled patrons who shot disapproving looks at Piper.

"Classic." Alex remarked, as Piper finally managed to recover from her distress. Piper timidly let her eyes flicker back up to those green orbs, catching glints of mischievousness being directed back at her.

"If you're so financially secure, Piper Chapman, why the stricken job-search?"

"Since I'm such on open book to you, you should be able to work that out for yourself."

Alex sat back against the chair. "What, you want me to guess?" Alex asked, sceptical of Piper's intentions. What's she playing at?

"That's right." Piper confirmed, resting her jaw against her palm as the leaned further towards against table, raising her eyebrows as she waited patiently for Alex to accept the offer.

Alex couldn't escape the feeling that Piper was baiting her, but wasn't one to turn down the offer of a challenge. Mirroring Piper, Alex rested her elbows on the table, her fingers pressed against her cheek as she evaluated Piper. Challenge accepted.

For several moments Piper wondered whether this evaluation was just a false pretence, as Alex stared relentlessly at her, only occasionally lowering her glance to take in some other aspect of her appearance. "Hmm…" Alex hummed, her eyes narrowed as she put down her cup and focused her attention folly on Piper.

"Are you, addicted to something?" Alex quizzed.

Piper shook her head. "No."

"Some weird journey of self-discovery?"

"Nope. Why would I need a job for that anyway?"

Alex huffed in feigned annoyance. She was fairly confident she knew why Piper was out pacing the pavements, applying for every damned job within a 5 mile radius. But if it was games Piper wanted to play, Alex was more than content to play along.

"Desperate measure to avoid someone? Roommate, boyfriend maybe?"

Piper bit her lip, shaking her head slightly. She was quite sure that was not just any guess that Alex had so casually suggested. That was an intentional interrogation veiled as a lucky guess. "No boyfriend." Piper countered, masking it as a subtle drop of information. Alex nibbled slightly at her lower lip, catching Piper's gaze with an intensity that seemed to transport them both into new, unexplored territory. Alex sensed Piper grow timid, and swiftly broke away, returning to her coffee. "We might speed this up by you just telling me, rather than taking on a wild goose chase." Alex suggested.

"My parents are getting sick of supporting me. I haven't exactly followed through on the college-to-career front."

"Ah. Your parents should've seen that one coming, honestly." Alex admitted, sniggering slightly.

Piper wasn't sure whether or not to take offence. Her hand dropped from her jaw, sinking down against her chest defensively. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, come on!" Alex exclaimed, plunking her coffee back down on the table. "You majored in theatre! No-one majors in theatre with a well-paying career in mind. Passion, Piper. Passion is why people study theatre."

Piper furrowed her brow in confusion, raising her hand in the air, indicating for Alex to hold up. "Wait a second." Piper began, her tone uneasy. "Can we backtrack a little?" Shit. Thought Alex, as she realised her mistake. I've blown it now. "How did you know I studied theatre?" Piper queried.

"Resume."

But Piper remained unconvinced. She thought back to the condition of her resume, and what information had been spilled onto its pages. "No, no, I'm pretty sure that's not on my resume…"

Alex shrugged, trying to appear as indifferent as possible, despite the fact she knew she had blown her cover. Piper was familiar to Alex, long before their 'meeting' the week prior. Alex always spent a lot of time at Smith, and in doing so, grew familiar with those that frequented parties and taverns. Piper had gained her attention, although her identity remained a mystery to Alex. Yet, at some point during semester, Alex recognised her in one of the various classes she crashed, cementing her face firmly in her memory.

"Relax, kid. I'm not a stalker." Alex reassured, finding it difficult to hold back the laughter threatening to burst forth at Piper's apprehension.

"But how did you know?" She insisted, becoming more befuddled by the second as Alex's source of information continued to elude her.

Alex finally burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, utterly humoured by Piper's adorable expression of bewilderment that was etched onto her face, her brows crinkled together as her eyes darted to Alex's, unnerved. "Put your hand down, kid. They'll think you want something." Alex managed to say, fighting to keep her tone steady as she fought amusement.

"Relax!" Alex called, reaching up to catch Piper's suspended hand and bring it back down to the table. "I know a lot of things."

Piper felt her entire being spark alive at the touch. It started simply, at a single nerve ending, and it grew. It bubbled and simmered and spread. Starting at her fingertips, it caught on every feather of hair like a wildfire that would not be stopped. Alex didn't retract her hand, and let it remain covering Piper's: her fingers curling slightly around to bury it in a chasm of warmth. Whether it originated from the coffee cup or Alex's body heat, she couldn't tell. It was just warmth. And it was delicious. Piper let her eyes wander down to the interlocked entanglement of hands, her breath getting caught somewhere in her throat as her chest began to swell.

A faint humming sound pestered her, and Piper took several seconds to register that it wasn't a product of her imagination, but was the dull buzz of a cell phone. Quickly, Alex slipped her hand back across the table, slithering away, back to safer territory. Piper felt a selfish impulse to snap it back, resenting the loss of warmth it's absence provided.

Fishing the device out of her back pocket, Alex focused her eyes on the screen, skimming through the text that was illuminated on the display. For a moment, Piper swore she saw disappointment surface in Alex's eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. Alex groaned, stuffing the device back into her pocket. "Look, I've got to go."

Instantly deflated, Piper felt herself release a breath she wasn't aware she had been holding. For her mind, Alex's departure was much too premature. She wasn't sure exactly what she had been expecting. Angry at the expectations that she had managed to unwittingly create, Piper began to slowly retract her hand. "Oh. Okay…"

But before Piper had much time to react, Alex swiftly brushed her hand lightly against Piper's, enclosing softly around her unguarded wrist, pulling her arm gently back across the surface of the table. The pressure encircled around her wrist forced Piper's arm to fall hopelessly under Alex's control. The touch, however light, seemed to burst with some thick anticipation that had stifled the pair of them. Some unsaid, yet mutually admitted, desire. Piper felt her muscles quiver, torn between the impulse to tense, and the urge to relax. To be pulled into Alex, and go willingly.

A pen emerged from Alex's back pocket, and the familiar click resounded heavily in Piper's ears, immune to the chatter of the surrounds, as Alex pressed the ballpoint into her skin. Piper felt her skin prickle as goosebumps flooded along her arm as Alex began to carve a line of digits into her flesh. Piper watched, strangely mesmerised as she focused on the curve of Alex's hand slide along her arm, leaving a trail of ink in its wake.

As each stroke of black ink was applied, a flush developed to outline the numbers. Part of it was from the pressure of the pen, part of it from sensations of touch than danced up and down her arm. Piper secretly hoped that line of numbers would never end.

The penstrokes became achingly slow as Alex drew closer to the end of the sequence, re-tracing again and again unnecessarily over the arcs of the numbers. Piper's skin sparked alive under the command of the pen, evoking sensations that caused Piper to release a shudder that ran through her entire body. She hoped that Alex wouldn't notice, but as her eyes flickered boldly up to read her expression, the smirk plastered onto her face indicated otherwise. Piper watched as the word "Alex" appeared in-between two neatly drawn brackets, slightly crooked as she ran out of space.

"Give me a call sometime. We never did get to those resume tips." Alex invited, letting her hand linger on Piper's skin for a little longer than necessary.

"Sure." Piper answered, her voice breathy and hardly audible; her fingers automatically curling in order to sustain the sensation that lingered on her flesh. Alex reclaimed her mug, sweeping it off the table. Piper let her eyes wander up to meet Alex's, seeing the deliberate and fully intentional nature of her actions reflected in the green depths.

Piper watched her leave, waiting until she was no longer in sight before inspecting the mark Alex had left her. Like claiming her as her own, the name in particular marked Piper as hers.

A smile tugged at her lips.

 

\-----

 

"We really should start eating healthy, you know." Polly remarks, trailing along behind Piper, her hands occupied by the basket she hauls along. Piper's hand lingers steadily above the boxes of mac-and-cheese, not hesitating to toss the dark-blue package into the basket before moving on to a new set of shelves.

"Mac-and-cheese doesn't exactly qualify as healthy, Piper." Polly insists, raising her voice slightly to stress Piper's inconsistency. From the safety of having her back to Polly, Piper rolls her eyes; gradually beginning to regret the decision to bring Polly along. "As I recall, Polly, the basket-slave does not get speaking rights."

From the corner of her eye, Piper catches Polly's glare as she shifts uncomfortably under the weight of the basket. "Yeah, well, the basket-slave is in a foul mood today. It's the fourth time this week Jason has blown me off to watch his stupid football games." Polly huffed, frowning slightly as Piper slips some frozen hash browns into the basket.

Piper smirked, raising her hand over her mouth to conceal her amusement. "You did decide to date him. Despite his intense, and slightly unnerving, passion for that ridiculous game." Piper countered, her fingers running lightly against the convex protrusions of aligned soup-cans that lined the shelf.

"A terrible decision…" Polly muttered, under her breath. "Can we pay a visit to the chocolate aisle?"

Piper spun around instantaneously, forcing Polly to skid faintly in her worn-out shoes in order to not collide into Piper. If Polly was going to bicker endlessly about her inconsistencies, Piper was damn well going to bug her over hers.

"You've just spent the last twenty minutes criticising my food choices, and now you want chocolate?" Piper retorted, her hands animating her irritation.

Polly shrugged, hoisting the laden basket a little higher against her hip. "What can I say? I'm a hypocrite." She justified, lightly pushing against Piper's back in an effort to steer her towards the confectionary aisle. Reckoning that chocolate was likely to shut Polly up for a while; Piper lets herself be blindly driven towards the confectionary.

"Ugh, look at this stuff!" Polly whined, raising the basket up onto the checkout conveyor belt. "There's not a single vegetable here." She complains, visibly horrified by the state of their bi-weekly shopping.

"Next time, I'm leaving you in the car. You're worse than a child." Piper snaps, dragging Polly away from the basket as she picks through its contents, preventing the bewildered cashier from scanning the items.

"When was the last time we ate a vegetable?" Polly grumbles, raising her hands up in the air, surrendering as Piper lets her go.

Piper snaps her jaw shut, squeezing her eyes closed in an effort to block out Polly's incessant rambling. She catches a mild look of amusement flashed by the cashier, and Piper secretly thanks her lucky stars that they don't shop here often. "Do you have a playpen here or something?" Piper enquires, avoiding Polly's displeased expression.

The cashier sighs lightly, scanning an item as he responds. "Sorry, that's more of an IKEA thing."

"Stop avoiding my questions. I'm just trying to prevent you ballooning." Polly demands, interlocking several bags within her grip and waiting until Piper passes over two crumpled $20 bills. "Well now I'm going to avoid you completely." Piper states, hauling her quota of bags over to Polly. "I'm going to get some wine."

Polly furrows her brow in confusion, as if Piper had just suggested something ludicrous. "But we never get alcohol from here." Polly remarks, maintaining her confused expression. Piper dangles the keys in front of Polly, sticking them in her front pocket upon realising she didn't have a free hand.

"I have a coupon." Piper justifies, sensing this was not the end of Polly's interrogation.

Momentarily appalled, Polly looks on the verge of questioning Piper's sanity as she digs the coupon out of her back pocket to prove herself. Convinced, Polly hits Piper's hand away, embarrassed to be in the possession on the offending object, and quickly scanning around to see if anyone had seen. "Seriously? Is this the direness of our situation? Using coupons like an old granny?"

"I don't think the elderly collect alcohol coupons. I think that's more of an orange-juice thing…" Piper chuckles, jamming it back into her pocket.

"Whatever. I'll wait in the car."

The familiar ding announces Piper into the near-empty bottleshop, attracting the attention of the lone staff member flicking through a day-old newspaper behind the counter. It's an unfamiliar set-up to Piper, and she takes several seconds to orientate herself towards the wine-specific section. Chewing her lip absentmindedly, she heads down the spirit aisle, tempted to pick up a bottle of tequila. But before Piper has the opportunity to act on selfish impulse, the lightness of her wallet squashed into her back pocket registers in the back of her mind, and she decides against it.

Shuffling her feet, Piper rounds upon the wines, her eyes tracing over the unfamiliar labels, searching for something appropriate. Grimacing at the assault of brands, blends, and years advertised on the packaging, Piper releases a slight huff of annoyance.

What do they even drink? It had been a long time since Piper had been coerced into playing host to her family. She had successfully avoided it for almost ten months, employing all manner of excuses from a contagious case of the flu to a 'broken' wrist. But Cal, under the pressure of the "next safest bet" after Piper, was quick to call her up on the fact it was her turn to satisfy the parents. Grudgingly, Piper had complied.

She could easily get takeout from the little Italian place down the road, and pretend her and Polly had been cooking up a storm all afternoon in preparation. But choosing the wrong wine threatened to blow her cover, forcing Piper to endure endless criticism from her mother. Personally, Piper had never been much of a connoisseur when it came to alcohol. The cheapest bottle on the shelf elicited the exact same haze of euphoria that a vintage would, given she slugged down enough.

Utterly mystified by the cryptic combination of years and vineyards she had never heard of, Piper was tempted to accept defeat. She could always ask that uninterested staff member up the front, but decided to save herself from the embarrassment of asking advice on wine she intended to buy with a newspaper coupon.

"You'll want that one." A voice announced from behind her, an arm faintly brushing against Piper's shoulder as a finger indicated to a particular bottle about midway along the shelf.

Piper was alerted to the presence of someone behind her almost immediately as the words reached her ears. Her body reacted automatically; a strange tingling sensation of fear began to run up the length of her spine, making her jump. She spun around clumsily, thrown notoriously off-balance at the shock of someone so unexpectedly entering her personal space.

Piper sought frantically to identify her invader, eyes darting uneasily around until her mind realised she was not in any danger. Piper's rather extreme reaction appeared to take her approacher by surprise, too: a tattooed forearm apprehensively prepared to steady her.

Piper didn't need to glance any farther than that distinctive tribal tattoo to determine who she found herself face-to-face with.

Distantly, Piper's mind distinguished a slight tingling along her forearm at Alex's presence, awakening feelings that had laid dormant since their last lingering touch at the exact spot that began to burn. Instantly, Piper's mind flashed back to watching Alex carve those numbers with an exquisite pressure that threatened to unhinge her. She had wanted to keep that brand on her arm forever. She wanted to be reminded of it, of her, every time her forearm was within her line of sight. But above all, Piper wanted to feel that touch again.

Piper snapped her slackened jaw back into position, feeling the irregularity of her heartbeats slowly return to consistency. "Jesus." Piper breathed, her tone wavering nervously. "You scared me."

A slight flicker of guilt surfaced in Alex's expression, her lips twitching downwards slightly as she inwardly claimed responsibility for Piper's reaction. "Sorry." Alex mumbled, so faintly Piper was lucky to catch it. Piper ran a nervous hand down her hair, taking a deep breath as she felt the possibility of hiccups rise in her stomach.

"Is that how you approach people?" Piper accused, exasperation pushing her tone up to a much shallower register. "By sneaking up on them like that?" But her defence quickly lost its charm as Piper punctuated it with a slight hiccup.

Alex felt torn between accepting Piper's statement as serious, in its intended form; or the cute, awkward way in which it had come across. Alex screwed up her features, deciding to shrug off Piper's seriousness, and direct her slight irritation in another direction. She wanted to push Piper just that bit further. "Because crashing into them is so much better?" Alex justified, her recovery much more successful than Piper's attempt.

"That was an accident!" Piper defended.

Alex watched as embarrassment burned Piper's cheeks into a flush, the redness almost equal to the colouring of her lips. "Well, we're even now." Alex chuckled, breaking into an amused grin.

"Anyway, I'd be going for that one, if I were you." Alex suggested. Piper glanced back at the shelves, focusing on the bottle Alex had pointed out: a red blend branded with a crisp white label, imprinted with the words "Jacob's Creek" in prominent letters.

"How are you so sure this one is going to be appropriate?" Piper mused, clasping her fingers around the neck of the bottle, plucking it off the shelf. Alex took a step forward, breaking what barriers of personal space they had left. Piper felt her senses automatically heighten in response to Alex's proximity, allowing her to detect the indistinct smell of cigarette smoke, intermixing with another scent that Piper could only identify as distinctly Alex. It felt strangely comforting to Piper.

"It's an Australian shiraz. You can't go wrong." Alex shrugged, extending an arm as she gently pried the bottle out of Piper's grip, her fingers brushing softly against Piper's. Piper felt herself suck in a quick breath. Whether it was a reaction from Alex's proximity or her touch, Piper couldn't tell. All she could concentrate on was the way her body responded so quickly, and so powerfully to Alex. In more ways than Piper would care to admit. And before Piper could even begin to consider how Alex had done it, she was utterly intoxicated.

"Good year, too. What's the occasion?" Alex questioned, inspecting the bottle carefully before handing it back to Piper. "It's my turn to host the family dinner." Piper replied, trying to keep her voice as matter-of-fact as she could muster.

"Somehow, I can't imagine you being much use in a kitchen." Alex mocked, allowing her eyes to rake over every inch of Piper, taking in her worn-out grey hoodie thrown on as a buffer from the onslaught of rain, to the denim-shorts that frayed at the edges into a million pieces of deserted cotton, leaving very little to Alex's imagination. She lacked adherence to any specific style, or clique. She was original, down to the very last thread. Perhaps that was what made her so intriguing to Alex. No, she doesn't look like the domestic type at all…

As Alex returned her gaze to Piper's, she noticed Piper take mild offence to her statement: arms curling defensively around the bottle of wine. "That's rather presumptuous." Piper retorted, her inflection trailing off into something a little more flirtatious than originally intended. It didn't go unnoticed, either. Alex quirked an eyebrow, shuffling a little closer to Piper; forcing her to lean back slightly in order to maintain a delicate slice of personal space. Alex rested a hand against the shelves level with Piper, effectively trapping her. If she was going to run, she was going to have to get through Alex first. "Well, am I wrong?" Alex toyed, relishing the way Piper's pupils dilated to compensate against the closing proximity.

Piper knew that she wasn't. Piper couldn't cook to save her life. Her culinary pursuits had been consistent failures since she was a child, failing to master anything much more complicated than toast. Even that wasn't always a guaranteed success.

"You wouldn't be, no." Piper managed to reply finally, her grasp clutching tighter around the wine. Heat began to creep up in her cheeks, revealing much more about her feelings of their predicament than she'd like to disclose. But then again, it wasn't as if she had much choice in the matter. It was Alex who had consciously cornered her almost up into the shelves. It was Alex who relentlessly refused to give Piper the upper hand in the situation. It was Alex who reduced her to a stuttering, hiccupping mess. It was Alex who was now so close to her, she could feel herself drift from focusing on her eyes to her lips, wondering if this was the moment. The moment she'd been secretly anticipating, unconsciously expecting, silently craving.

Piper felt trapped, oddly claustrophobic and almost suffocating from being surrounded by Alex. She was everywhere: her smell, her eyes, her shallow breaths that Piper was certain she could feel dissipate just before they pierced through the thin fabric of her jumper.

Everything became singularly focused on Alex, and Piper suddenly felt herself growing scared. It was overwhelming; giving her the impression of losing all control, a little too soon. Shit, Piper, what are you doing? Are you really going to do this, in the middle of a bottleshop, clutching onto a bottle of wine for dear life? She inwardly cursed.

The line that Alex had drawn bordered too close to manipulation. Too close for comfort. Alex had drawn her in so easily that Piper began to wonder whether she trusted herself in this situation. Everything about it, from the smells to the building ache to the way her mind raced, was new to her. She was fourteen again, anxiously awaiting the first boy to touch her lips.

Piper pulled her wandering concentration back up to Alex's fixed stare, refusing to break the contact. Alex's reluctance to crush the intensity they deliberately created allowed Piper to map, between occasional blinks, the depths of her electric green orbs, flecked with the slightest hints of yellow. Ringed with a much darker shade that descended into darkness, Piper swore they appeared almost luminous behind those striking black frames.

There was something about Alex's eyes that imparted an extraordinary sense of truth. A strange solace that glinted back at her. A dark, unknown utopia. Did she dare travel it? Perhaps it was the strength of the colour that seemed too raw to hide dishonesty. Without even fully comprehending her mind's decision, Piper found herself trusting those pupils.

Risking another descent down to her lips, Piper observed a mischievous smile grow at the corners of Alex's mouth, allowing a flash of teeth to appear. The skin of Piper's forearm began to tingle again, bringing her to question how long this moment had been allowed to go on. Too long to be innocent. But there never was anything innocent about Alex. That was something Piper knew she could count on.

For every moment that passed, Piper became a little more surprised that Alex didn't pull away. But Alex had no intention of doing so. Every second Piper stayed there, deliciously trapped and adorably nervous, she became a little more intoxicated. The distance that remained was down to just a delicate slither. You could do it, you know. Alex thought, trying desperately to justify why she hadn't closed the space already.

"We're closing soon. Are you going to pay for that?" a frustrated voice announced, cutting the tension that had shrouded them. Alex grimaced, gritting her teeth as she accepted defeat, feeling the moment dissipate almost as quickly as the colour drained from Piper's cheeks. Alex removed her hand resting against the shelf beside Piper, taking a step back. Piper wanted to bolt, but her legs remained steadfastly glued to the sloppily mopped floor. She was without escape.

"Are you going to pay for that?" Alex finally asked, her voice cracked and raw, traces of desire still hanging off her words. Piper averted her gaze to the space between them, feeling like she might just melt if she met those eyes again.

"I am. I should. I-" Piper stopped herself from another verbal stumble, deciding she had made enough mistakes for one day. Piper caught her breath, wondering how she had lost it in the first place, realising she was still trapped under Alex's piercing eyes.

"You might want to do it now…"

"Yeah." Piper agreed, tapping gently against the bottle she still cradled. Sluggishly catching on to the fact Alex was waiting for her to make a move, Piper forced herself into an about-turn, directing herself back towards the counter.

"Nineteen dollars eighty"

Under the judgemental glare of the unshaven attendant, Piper dug her hand into her back pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and straightening it over with shaking fingers. Piper heard a chuckle from behind her. "You're buying wine with a coupon?"

Piper scowled, wondering if she could, in all possibilities, have appeared any more awkward in front of Alex. The cashier sighed loudly, not bothering to hide his displeasure as his large hand snapped up the crumpled paper, causing Piper to wince. When did I get this jumpy?

Piper waited as he turned it over, squinting to scrutinise the expiry. Accepting that he didn't have any grounds to refuse it, the code on the back was tediously jabbed into the cash register, without the slightest regard for the haste he had demonstrated earlier in ushering Alex and Piper out of the shop.

The cashier pushed the bottle forward finally, indicating that the transaction was complete. "Can I at least get a bag?" Piper queried, meeting the cashier's challenging stare with equal intensity.

"You got a coupon for that?" He snarled back, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter. Piper narrowed her eyes, tempted to ask for the manager, but suspecting that wouldn't do a whole lot of good. "Thanks." She shot back sarcastically, snatching away the bottle.

Alex brought her attention back to Piper, realising that their time was up. "Do you need any help with that culinary endeavour of yours?" Alex hinted, deciding pursuit was her only tactic left.

Piper wet her lips, fully aware of the direction of Alex's gaze. "I'll let you know." She teased. Piper turned to leave, brushing purposely past Alex, pushing up against as much fabric as she could without throwing Alex off-balance. Alex sucked in breath, tensing at the delicious contact. Alex detected a grin on Piper's lips as she watched her go, dangling that bottle behind her. Sensations of desire were swiftly replaced by anger as she realised if it weren't for his damn interruption, those lips would have already been on hers.

"You're a motherfucking asshole, you know that?" Alex barked towards the cashier, bitterness and hostility flooding off her tongue in an endless wrath. The cashier smirked, satisfied in his purposeful actions, relishing in the reaction it elicited from Alex.

"An underpaid motherfucking asshole who gets to go home at five."

Ugh. Making a mental note to switch bottleshops, Alex clenched her fists together, desperately attempting to suppress the urge to smash that smirk right off his pudgy face. Alex bit back another scathing retort, deciding that attacking the shop attendant would not bring that moment back.

"It's five." The cashier pointed out, tapping a biro against the silver watch around his wrist. "I'm going!" Alex yelled, deliberately overturning a stand of packaged nuts as she spun towards the door.

"You're going to have to pay for that!" The cashier yelled behind her, doing little to halt Alex. "Go to hell." Alex spat back, pushing forcefully on the door.

"Come again!"

 

\-----

 

Disturbing her peaceful slumber, Alex jolted awake suddenly as a sharp pain struck just below her ribcage. As sleep still made her movements slurred and groggy, Alex slowly twisted around from her position, struggling to identify the nature of the attack. "What the fuck?"

Feeling around the epicentre of the hit, her fingers curled around a hard, rounded object. Running it over with her hand, her compromised vision barely managed to produce an unfocused image of a tatty worn-out baseball. Ugh, not again. Gripping the offending object tightly within her killer grip, Alex flung it angrily across the bedroom, not bothering to notice where it landed before collapsing back against the mattress. It was too fucking early to deal with conflict.

"Hey!" A voice demanded, drifting to Alex's ears in that same tone of resentment and insistence that had plagued her the past months. Alex didn't need this today. She was terribly jetlagged and frustrated, and the last thing she felt like doing was needlessly bickering. "You have got to stop doing that", Alex groaned, her voice muffled from being pressed against the edge of a pillow. But Alex doubted that meagre effort was going to be enough to throw Sylvie off her case. Sylvie wasn't one to take things lightly.

Confirming her suspicions, that grating tone struck again. "Are you getting up anytime today? We have a serious problem to deal with!" Swiftly following her words, Sylvie grabbed a handful of the duvet, pulling it away from the bed, leaving Alex no choice but to pay attention. Fucking hell, I have got to get rid of her.

"If it was that serious, my phone would go off." Alex protested, wedging her head underneath the pillow, blocking out Sylvie's incessant ramblings. "It has gone off. Several times, in fact!" Sylvie maintained, raising her voice several grating decibels. Alex groaned, pushing further into the pillows.

When an emergency called, Alex had learned to drop everything and respond immediately. 'Silent' mode was a luxury that was simply incompatible with her career choice; a fact that caused Alex to grow so familiar to the dull buzz of that irritating device, she responded automatically. Thus, it surprised Alex greatly to have missed it. Rare was the time she managed to fall into a sleep heavy enough to not be roused by its cry.

Sighing, Alex propped herself back onto her elbows, blindly groping around the surface of the bedside table to locate her glasses. "And so you throw a fucking baseball at me?" Alex spat, shooting Sylvie a hostile glare before turning her attention back to finding the frames.

"What's the emergency?" Alex finally relented, managing to slip her glasses over her ears, adjusting to the harsh afternoon light that filtered freely through the uncovered windows.

"Peter's got himself a runner. One of his kids took off with a kilo of product."

Alex rolled her eyes. This was not uncommon, particularly with the younger, gullible mules. They got their hands on a decent batch, and ran with it. They rarely got far. The more pressing problem was keeping them away from the authorities. If they were caught by the feds, they threatened to bring down the entire organisation.

"So? Why are you telling me? I don't run this operation." Alex retorted, her hand skimming the floorboards, searching for her cool metallic surface of her phone.

"Do you ever listen to what I am fucking saying anymore? Peter's your responsibility!" Sylvie shouted, adamant that Alex needed to be reminded of her role in this organisation. But Alex knew her role better than anyone. It wasn't an occupation she'd had vast experience with. But she'd used her time well, and executed her tasks to perfection. Every. Damn. Time. Her record was unmatchable.

"Fine!" Alex surrendered, sitting up and running a nervous hand down the length of her hair. "You go, get Drew, and track him down."

Unsatisfied, Sylvie threw the scrunched-up duvet down to the floorboards. "The purpose of me waking you up was for you to help! This is fucking serious!" Sylvie complained, raising her hands in the air to animate her point.

"Ugh, fucking hell. Just go, alright?" Alex started, taking a shaky breath to calm herself down before continuing. "I'll call Fahri. Tell him what's going on. Just- just give me a call if anything comes up." Alex instructed, flipping the device open and scrolling through the list of contacts.

"And what about you? Gonna waste away the whole fucking day, while I chase after your fucking dirtywork?"

Alex felt frustration bubble within her, growing with every irritating comment Sylvie made. "I'm fucking jetlagged here!" Alex justified, rubbing at her forehead. "Did you just get off a sixteen hour flight? No, you fucking didn't."

"Hey!" Sylvie countered, demanding Alex's attention back. "If that little asshole gets stopped by the feds before we get to him, you're screwed!" Sylvie droned, her hands gesticulating wildly to illustrate the seriousness of her point.

"Yeah, and so are you. So why are you still standing there?" Alex countered instantaneously.

Resting her head against the headboard, Alex squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to rid the tension from her mind. She waited for the telltale slam of the door, and the subtle click of the lock before accepting that Sylvie was indeed gone. Good riddance, Alex thought, and without even waiting to breathe, Alex jabbed the green 'call' button and waited impatiently for the call to connect.

"Vause." Came the characteristic monotone voice of Fahri, absent of any trace of the panic that Sylvie had displayed. But then again, Fahri rarely showed concern. That was what made him such an asset to the company: he never let anything stand in the way of the business. Problems were solved logically and strategically, and by doing so, nothing ever got out of hand. Alex had to admire his demeanour. And by the consistent tone Fahri demonstrated, Alex knew immediately there was nothing to really worry about.

"I can't do this anymore. She's a fucking psycho." Alex growled down the line, locking the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she tugged up her jeans.

"Save me the theatrics." Fahri conceded.

"She throws baseballs at me!" Alex elaborated, her eyes automatically locating the white ball in the corner of the room and scowling at it.

"You know what the deal was. She combines her ring with ours; we take the shipment, and cut her loose." Fahri keeps his tone steady as he reminds Alex how important her façade is. "It's a raw deal."

"Yeah, well, in none of that theorizing did we account for her getting attached to me."

The logistics behind the deal were as old as power itself. The cartel had been searching for an expansion, and rather than start from scratch, the quickest and safest way to accomplish an expansion was by taking over a smaller, less influential network. This automatically made Sylvie a target, for she operated from a high rank for a network that controlled a valuable channel through Mexico. Infiltrate her operation successfully, and T.A.M.E had a whole new route to deal through.

Alex was the perfect decoy. If she could turn kids into mules, there was nothing to suggest her methods of persuasion wouldn't be up to the task. Alex had complied, grudgingly at first, and she had executed her task perfectly. Sylvie gradually warmed to the lure Alex provided, forcing Alex to endure the term 'girlfriend' under false pretences for nearly two months. Manipulation had gradually transformed into torture, and Alex wanted the woman out. Out of her bed, out of her apartment, out of the cartel.

Fahri remained quiet, causing Alex to wonder whether the line had gone dead. But Fahri wasn't one to hang up. Fahri would always listen. Especially to Alex's concerns. "Are you even listening? It's been two whole months. Things aren't exactly positive between us. She's going to leave of her own fruition pretty soon."

"Wait until we have notification the shipment is in. Then, it's your call."

Alex sighed, switching the phone over to her left ear. "How long?"

"I'd say two weeks. Maximum."

Two whole fucking weeks. Alex wasn't sure she could deal with it. But she had a role to play, and it was her job to see it through. With a heavy sigh that bordered on a groan, Alex finally replied. "Fine. But if she ups it, there's no fucking way I am getting down on my knees to beg her to stay."

"Done."

Alex hung up, throwing the device onto the sheets. Sex was one of Alex's most powerful weapons. Always effective, Alex used it whenever she could to get what she wanted. When her words failed, her seduction went the rest of the way. But this time, this one time, it had backfired. Badly.

Fucking bitches, Alex cursed, shutting her eyes for a moment to relish the silence her apartment was graced with. She liked it best like this. The one place she could count on to be silent. To be free of the outside world, absent of people and expectations; everything faded away when she shut that door behind her. But lately, Alex found herself falling into a routine. She stayed out intentionally late, crept back home in the darkest hours, and slept the majority of the day away. When Sylvie left, Alex used every second to her advantage. The term sanctuary grew less and less applicable.

Evaluating her choices, Alex eventually decided to take a shower. There was little food in the house, and Sylvie was unlikely to be back until tomorrow. She made a habit of crashing out somewhere else whenever she found herself particularly distanced from Alex. Alex spun the taps of the shower around, twisting them to the exact position she had long since memorised. She tugged her t-shirt over her head, getting a little stuck halfway through the manoeuvre. Through the gentle pounding of the shower, Alex's ears pricked to the sound of the familiar ring of an incoming call.

"Fuck." Alex groaned, ditching her shirt onto the tiles. "None of you shut the hell up today, do you?" Alex yelled, thankful her apartment was almost perfectly soundproof. Besides, she never heard the neighbours anyway. If she couldn't hear them, they couldn't hear her.

Alex snapped up the discarded device from the tangled sheets, the blurry string of numbers failing to feel familiar to Alex. It wasn't Fahri, it wasn't Sylvia. It wasn't even Drew. The number was completely foreign. But Alex's occupation required her to always pick up the phone, and so through compromised vision and a mind muddled with agitation, Alex flipped the phone and cradled it close to her ear.

"What do you want?" Alex barked down the line, not hesitating to let her agitation flood into her tone, flatly accusing the caller for their inconvenient disruption without the slightest hesitation.

"Why is it, every time we make contact, it is arrogance that greets me?" The caller returned, in playful sentiment.

Alex stilled, her built-up frustration coming to a grinding halt. Alex had a habit of moving two steps ahead at any given time. She could predict people's actions, thoughts, feelings and language so easily; it became habit to become apathetic to the moment. Alex couldn't remember the last time she had to change her strategy. When she had wrongly presumed the counter-move, leaving her to reel backwards. The response was supposed to fall into one of two categories. Either shock, rendering the caller into a verbal stutter, or indifference, indicating the caller knew Alex well. Intriguingly, the reply fit neither.

Alex crinkled her brow in confusion. "Who is this?" Alex ventured, her voice uncharacteristically tentative as she clutched the phone a little closer to her ear, trying to recall how the voice was familiar to her.

"5' 8", blonde; runs in people on the street…buys wine with coupons." There was no hesitation evident in her reply, none of that awkward muttering and stumbling that had plagued her other run-ins with Alex. This time, Piper had brought her game. She refused to be reduced to a stuttering mess. She was going to be confident. Give Alex a run for her money. Or at least attempt to.

Alex cringed, raising her hand to cover her face, realising she'd successfully made a fool of herself. She didn't need a name to fill in the blanks. She remembered. She remembered all too well. For when Piper left her physical presence in that rather cheap bottle shop, she hadn't left her mind. In fact, she had stayed there. Stubbornly fastened into the roots of her conscious, Alex had found she was incapable of freeing herself from those fateful encounters. They played and replayed until Alex was forced to drown them in gin and tonic. But oddly, they always managed to return.

Shit, thought Alex. Despite the fact she'd been made a fool of, utterly beaten in the exchange of a few simple words, Alex felt a smile tug at her lips. She'd wanted that call. She was glad she got it. Even if it was just to have her ego punctured.

"Piper?"

"What, do you really know more than one person who fits that description?" Piper reflected, chuckling silently on the other end of the line.

Alex bit her lip, finding this new, quick-witted Piper strangely enticing. "It's just, I'd given up hope of your call. Thought I scared you away." Alex returned, picking distractedly on the pattern carved into the bedpost. Hearing her voice echo slightly back at her, Alex grimaced at the way she sounded. Honest. Too honest for comfort. It was raw; the words that fell so easily from her lips before she had the opportunity to bite them back spitefully. She could have covered her tracks with anything. Flirtation. Confidence. Indifference. Anything. Alex hoped Piper wouldn't pay too much attention to notice her lapse.

"Is that disappointment I hear?" Piper teased.

"Possibly. But I'm sure you can make it up to me." Alex suggested, recovering quickly to transform honest to a much more comfortable, and far more characteristic, coy.

"What did you have in mind?"

It was an innocent enough response. But there was something about the way Piper had said it that sent Alex reeling, twisting those words into something a lot less innocent. Alex couldn't be fully blamed, though. Piper had deliberately let the words hang precariously in the air, begging terribly to be open to interpretation.

"What do you eat?" Alex asked, realising her choice of words was, in retrospect, extremely poor. The line fell silent, and Alex could practically feel the confusion she had caused echoing back at her.

"Food, usually. I ate sand when I was little though."

God Alex, you're an idiot. Pull yourself together. Think of something! Finally, Alex recovered some of her lost ground, building a gameplay that would put her back in front. "No, I mean, that's not really a substantial dinner. Opt for something a little more nourishing."

"You sound like you've already got something in mind."

Once again, Alex felt herself town between responding with an innuendo, or pouncing on the opportunity to solidly state a time and place. Piper might have been chipper, but Alex was quick to remind herself that this was a phone call, and people always behaved differently when there was a barrier to protect them. She didn't want to put Piper off.

"Burgers. Tonight."

"Wait, tonight? Like, tonight tonight?" Piper clarified, taken aback. Alex certainly didn't waste any time. She was straight with what she wanted, and she was damn well going to make sure she did everything in her power to get it.

"Yeah, tonight. On-this-day." Alex confirmed, slightly relieved to have returned to her position of dominance of the situation. Of control. "Unless you're busy, that is." Alex added, covering her tracks, should failure beat her.

Alex waited. And she waited. The silence was agonisingly quiet, and Alex was starting to regret pouncing on the opportunity to take Piper out. But with a croaky start, Piper eventually responded. "I had some stuff planned, but I might be able to blow them off…for a burger." Piper emphasised.

"For a burger." Alex repeated. "7pm."

"That's in 3 hours!" Piper exclaimed. "That's awfully eager…"

It was. It was uncharacteristically forward of Alex, but the words had slipped so fast off her tongue that they were gone before Alex could even consider holding them back. But Piper was playing hard to get – practically begging to be pursued. Alex decided it didn't matter if she let her impatience show.

"You want the burger or not?" Alex declared.

"I do."

"Well, there you go. I'll text you directions." Alex concluded, glad to have sealed the deal. Unless Piper chickened out, three hours was all it was going to take before Alex could reinforce the status quo.

"Okay."

Alex tapped the 'end call' button, snapping the phone shut and tossing it to free-fall back onto the sheets below. Alex barely registered the faint sounds of running water, her thoughts still squarely fixated on that phone call. Deliberately coy and charmingly teasing, Piper made it clear it was up to Alex to pursue her. And Alex was more than happy to oblige. She didn't care if she seemed eager. That didn't matter. This was different.

Bubbling deep within the pit of her stomach, Alex felt something akin to nervousness burn delicately away. She'd pursued girls before. This didn't count as anything new, from a tactical point of view. But Alex was mature enough to admit that Piper wasn't going to be just another conquest.


	2. Chapter Two

Alex had always been good at hiding nerves. But tonight might just have counted as the exception to the rule. Remnants of whiskey sloshed around the tumbler Alex cradled, tapping rhythmically against the glass. She didn’t mind waiting. It allowed her to get enough alcohol down her throat to return to a state of confidence. It also slurred her mind, something Alex was more than prepared to embrace - subduing the overactivity it had bombarded her with over the past few hours. Full of thoughts of Piper and what the night may hold. Full of expectation. Full of promise.

Just as Alex felt her insides cave in a little with a glance at the clock, the door bangs open. Alex immediately spins around, slightly more eager than necessary. Resting her elbows against the bar, Alex watches, captivated, as Piper stumbles clumsily inside the threshold, escaping the weather that brewed outside. 

Alex feels a smile tug at her lips, letting her eyes drink Piper in while she still has the chance. She’s got those jeans on. Alex recognises them from the time Piper almost spilled mocha all over her shirt. A little loose for her liking, Alex has to work hard to make out the shape of her thighs from underneath the fabric. But it only serves to entice her further. If she can’t see those curves, she’d sure as hell like to feel them.

She lets her eyes continue to wander, taking advantage of every single second she has until Piper focuses her attention. 

By the time Alex’s lingering gaze breaks from her body and jumps innocently back up to her face, Piper has already noticed her, backed up against the bar. She’s noticed Alex’s diverted attention, too, as a slither of a secret smile creeps at the edge of her lips. Caught red handed, Alex decides that a coy approach to the evening was effectively no longer an option. 

Alex watches Piper’s chest raise slightly, a shaky breath pulled from the cool air. Alex feels pangs snap deep inside her stomach; so intense it’s almost painful. And with every step Piper takes towards her, it thrums a little more heavily. 

She was in for it. She was really, really, in for it, Alex surmises, intensely aware of how strong her reaction to Piper’s mere presence had become. It was almost unbearable.

“Hey.” Piper manages to breathe, bringing her gaze to meet Alex’s, and fighting to stay connected with those intense green eyes that brewed a storm. 

Piper knew she’d stolen a little control from Alex’s empire, and the time to consolidate that was now, if she intended to hold it. So as Piper mentally prepped herself in the mirror that evening, she mustered up all the courage she possessed, and reminded herself to counter every move Alex might make. It excited her, playing a game she didn’t know the rules of. It allowed anything to happen.

“Hey”, Alex returned, savouring the way Piper squirmed uneasily the longer Alex refused to avert her eyes. Alex did her best to conceal her mirth, eyes almost sparkling as she contemplated whether this counted as the starting gun.

“Uh, I’ll have a Strawberry, Lime & Passion Fruit Daiquiri.” Piper requests, pausing for the waiter to catch up with his frantic scribblings.  
Alex smirks, flipping the menu closed and pushing it further away. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Not” Piper clarifies, not quite as confident in her decision as she was a few seconds ago. Alex laughs, almost brutally at Piper’s expense; a hand quickly coming up to hide her smirk. “It won’t mix, I’m telling you.” Alex assured, shaking her head slightly to emphasize her point. God, I should have known.

“Says the one who orders a drink containing bourbon at seven in the evening.” Piper protested, almost scathingly. Alex shrugs, not fazed by the supposition that alcohol should be subject to specific time schedules. 

“It’s 1am in Paris. Does that make it any better?” Alex trumpeted.

Piper’s brow crinkles in amusement. “You just know that?”

“Something like that.” 

Of course she just knew that. She’d been to Paris twice in the past month. She could practically recite the time zones backwards of the places she frequented. That’s what happened when you spent so much time on the road. That’s what happened when you worked for an international drug cartel. 

Piper huffs, her curiosity peaked as she distractedly returned to the laminated menu in front of her. But her eyes only flipped over the longwinded titles of a thousand alcoholic beverages, never settling on a choice.

Compensating for Piper’s distraction, Alex catches the attention of the boy. “Make it two of the first.” 

“What?!” Piper quickly interjects before the boy can scribble it down. “What if I don’t like it?” Piper defends. But whatever comment Piper assumed was surely understood was lost on Alex, narrowing her eyes in an effort to push Piper to elaborate. 

“It’ll be a waste.” Piper articulated, instinctively speaking a little clearer to make her point blindingly obvious.

“No, it won’t. I’ll drink both.”

The waiter raised an eyebrow. “So you want three drinks for the table?” 

“For starters, yeah.” Alex confirmed, holding out her menu for collection. “Now go, I’m going to need it since you’re ordering rye bread.” Alex turned back to Piper, squarely identifying her as guilty. 

She should’ve known, should’ve predicted. Alex half-expected her to ask whether the eggs they used were barn-raised or farm-raised. But strangely, Alex didn’t feel the resentment she usually would when someone of privilege began the ‘organic, fairtrade’ spiel. The absence of the emotional reaction that never failed to kick into action made Alex uncomfortable: it always acted as a warning sign to her. It gave away fragments of one’s character. But it didn’t. Judgement didn’t fire.

Clarity dawns when Alex hears Piper begin speaking, pulling her out from underwater thoughts that drowned out everything but Piper. 

“You’re going to get drunk on that. And I’m going to be pressganged into taking you home.”

Piper looks smug and slightly pleased with herself, waiting as Alex snaps up the drink the moment it reaches the table, drawing a purposely long sip from the glass.

“You underestimate my liquor-holding ability.”

People that knew Alex knew how well she could hold her alcohol. In fact, it took an awful long time for her to drug herself into a spectacular state of drunkenness, and it took even longer for people to realise she was smashed. Alex had the remarkable ability to keep her speech from slurring and her walk from drifting. Her record was not going to be lost on Piper.

“Well, I’m just saying most people would be pretty slammed after those.” 

“Well, I’m not most people.” Alex contends, tilting her head slightly to the side, the light reflecting on her glasses as her lips part slightly in amusement.

“Point. It’s not most people who go around giving out free wine advice. Or maybe that was a special case for you.”

Alex could practically feel her ego being punctured. And it hurt, to have her interest and her approaches mocked. As if Piper wasn’t doing the same.

“Most wouldn’t need it. Not in these suburbs, anyway.” Alex grinned, feeling ridiculously pleased with herself to have formulated a quick comeback before time fell out of her favour.

Piper was fast catching onto the fact this was turning personal. “Oh dear, what’s that supposed to mean?” Piper exclaimed, offence evident in every undertone that Piper spoke, slightly cutting. But that only fuelled Alex on, letting her know she’d hit sensitive territory. But without coming off as distastefully prejudiced, Alex fell short of backing up her blow.

“Nothing.” Alex assured, weaselling her way out of the coming confrontation. 

But Piper wasn’t buying it.

“You can’t just not finish the things you start, Alex. If you’ve got a comment to make, you can damn well make it. If I walk out of here because of it…well, that’s on you.”

There was a feisty brutality in Piper’s voice that sent shivers up Alex’s spine. “Oh, I can assure you, I start the things I finish.” 

Alex wasn’t sure if Piper had caught her drift, or whether she was too preoccupied in contemplating the truth of the statement. 

“On pain of inconsistency?” 

Alex rolls her eyes dramatically, dropping her hand from under her chin. “God. What are you, an interrogator?”

“Would I get anything more out of you if I was?”

Alex can’t resist quirking an eyebrow, watching a Piper bit her lip, wondering whether or not she should’ve kept that comment back. But Alex preferred it had been said. 

“You just might.”

A moment passes when Alex wonders whether she hasn’t been heard, as Piper returns to her pussy drink she sips occasionally away at. But then again, Alex could hardly expect a reply. Not after that.

“Your charm is losing its lustre. I have to admit, I expected to be swayed by it a little longer.”

“Has it occurred to you that judgement just might be a tad premature? Just maybe?”

“Premature?”

“Yeah, premature. You’ve been in my company for what, ten minutes? That’s like…leaving a theatre before the fucking trailers have finished.”

“Except I’m not leaving.” Piper corrected.

Alex nodded against her glass. Yeah, that may be true. “Since I’ve been so completely stripped of allure and charm, I’m not sure why you’re still here.”

Piper may have been a terrible liar, but what she lacked in the handy talent of falsehoods she made up for in her ability to avoid sticky topics. She could dance around hard truths easily, and Piper was determined she wouldn’t have her record go to waste on Alex.

“You know, interrogators are statistically terrible at extracting sensitive information. Bribery ranks much higher in success rate.” Piper chimed, running her hands along the wood of the table to occupy herself, drawing attention away from her words.

“Is this a theory you’d like to test or something?” Alex answered, chewing on the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from smirking.

Didn’t work. She’s not distracted.

A blush began heating up Piper’s face, turning her cheeks crimson as her eyes shone in embarrassment. “Oh, I was just saying, I didn’t mean-“

“Shackle me in handcuffs and find out.” Alex suggested, but not quite as sarcastically as she had imagined the statement to be. She had meant it to be a challenge, a cheap blow, but her voice had turned almost wanton somewhere in-between, and had changed the connotation entirely. 

Alex maintained Piper’s gaze, watching her priceless reaction turn from horror to a slight curiosity that peaked Alex’s interest. Oh.

Piper felt the heat practically radiate off her cheeks. Bashfulness bubbled away, torn between muttering an innocent enough recovery or boldly accepting the offer. 

Piper’s mind flashed with forbidden images of Alex’s slender wrists encased in thick steel shackles, fixed tight behind her back, pushing her breasts to strain against fabric. Shaking the thoughts away and wondering how she had come up with them in the first place, Piper couldn’t help but punt that Alex seemed the type that would actually own handcuffs…

“Relax, kid. I was just joking.”

“Oh.” Piper murmured, relieved. “Well, that research was generated from prisoners of war from the forties. I’m not sure it would still be applicable.”

Alex shrugged lightly, watching as Piper’s glance hovered in uncertainty. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, practically writhing, desperate to escape Alex’s passive and highly effective form of torture. “You never know.” Alex teased.

Saved, a circling waiter finally approached their polished oak table, sliding the square slabs onto the table before them. Piper’s eyes lit up as the food was placed in front of her, the last fragment of banter Alex threw at her forgotten. 

“Ooh, fancy.” Piper commented, sliding out the steak knife slotted vertically through the burger. Alex did the same, grasping the handle and discarding it on the table. But Piper didn’t copy. Instead, Piper slid the knife back, easing it through the crusty rye bread serving as an encasing layer. Piper’s peculiar yet meticulous actions didn’t go unnoticed, either. Alex watched, puzzled, as Piper’s hand curved around the blade, her thumb grazing against the firm crust as it sunk further in.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Piper adjusted the angle of her knife, her concentration fixed.

“It looks like you’re cutting a fucking birthday cake.” 

“It’s my burger”, Piper insisted, but the second those words left her lips, she could practically feel Alex burning holes in her argument. 

“Mhm. Your burger. Paid for by my wallet.”

Piper retracted the knife, running her finger along the blade, coated in a mixture of juice and zesty sauce that the burger secreted. Piper sucked at it, shrugging off Alex’s argument.

“The shame you bring on this gluttonous country.”

Almost playfully, Piper slammed the knife down, wriggling a little in her seat to move a tad closer. 

“Do you have a problem with the way I eat?”

“I do, actually. Why don’t you just pick it up?”

“Because it’ll drip everywhere.”

“Jesus.” Trust a WASP to eat a burger with proper cutlery.

“Fine!” Piper snapped, biting her lip slightly as she scooped it up carefully, pinching the edges to prevent anything falling out. Alex watched triumphantly as Piper took a tentative bite, stretching her jaw a little wider, sharp incisors flashing momentarily. As her teeth crushed the structural stability to shreds, Alex found herself unable to cast her eyes away. She’d seen people eat before, of course she had. But the way Piper worshipped every single bite she took was surprisingly mesmerising, and didn’t fail to send shivers up her spine. Instantly, Alex knew that hungry Piper was something she liked. A lot.

Tongue flicked out from behind teeth, catching a drip of liquid as it trickled onto her lip. Fingertips dug into the crust, breaking through the surface and splitting the surface into countless fragments with a satisfying crunch. 

Through the mellow silence that came with the first few bites of any commencing meal, Alex found herself paying less and less attention to her own actions. She had become so fixated on Piper she barely maintained a steady grip on the dripping mess the supported. The crisp edges of bacon and slippery rings of caramelised onion felt entirely foreign against her tongue.

It had lost all its taste. 

It had lost all its allure. 

Her mind refused to leave the mouth that bit and nibbled and chewed intensely. Alex felt bitterly jealous of Piper’s burger that got to be devoured by those perfect lips. Piper’s lips curled appreciatively, her breath sharp as she prepared for another bite; tongue darting out to meet the tender stack of beef that still simmered from the heat of a fiery grill. 

Shreds of lettuce dipped and slackened. Cheese melted zealously, sinking into succulent cubes of pineapple, a sweet sourness that stung her tastebuds. Releasing the dripping mess, Piper wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, the film of flavours that had gathered there grazing back against her tongue as it was rubbed feverishly away. 

Piper caught Alex’s gaze; stormy eyes brewing away with something almost frightening. “Enjoying yourself?”

“You have no idea.” Alex murmured softly.

“You’re staring.” Piper observed, but failed to feel that stifling insecurity that always developed from being the object of someone’s gaze. Strangely, she wanted to be the receiver of that glazed-over look that Alex wore. Absent of judgement and flecked with desire, Alex’s eyes darted away, balancing her glance with scattered objects of discarded knives and saltshakers. 

“Guilty as charged.” Alex admitted, flashing a grin and shifting her position, slumping slightly against the chair, stretching her legs. But her movements weren’t as calculated as she’d supposed. Alex’s knee connected with Piper’s somewhere under the table, taking an unsuspecting Piper by complete surprise. 

It hadn’t been intentional, but it did pose a crossroads. Pull away, and send a message that she wasn’t all that interested. Or don’t move a muscle, and be brave. Piper sucked in a sharp breath, coarse fabric rubbing against the inside of her knee, sure to burn. But Piper didn’t want to part with the contact. And she hoped that Alex didn’t either.

Piper felt juvenile, like Alex was her latest crush, and the most she had the courage to do was shuffle closer. She remembered all the times boys had sat next to her, a little closer every day. And when bumps and little accidents made skin collide, they hastily pulled away, muttering regretful apologies. Alex was the exception. Neither moved, not a muscle quivered as the daring contact was maintained, each moment increasing with tenacity that strongly suggested the purposeful nature of their actions. 

Alex swirled her straw around, delaying meeting Piper’s eye, scared of what she may find there. Piper did much the same, fidgeting with whatever she could find. The edge of the table. A scrunched up napkin. Anything.

Briefly, Alex pondered the likelihood of staying here forever. Whether they would both be able to sustain this position until they were the only ones left - brooms and mops impinging on their territory. But sooner or later, Piper would surely pull away. She’ll grow uncomfortable, adjust her position, and break apart from Alex. And Alex will be left to feel the air whip past, cold and cruel and mockingly haunting Alex for her foolishness.

Seconds passed, so many of them Alex wondered whether they had turned into minutes. The subtle clinking of glasses and forks against plates resounded heavily in her ears, and as her inner world began to gradually melt back into the outer, Alex was convinced enough Piper wasn’t going to shift anytime soon. Tilting her head to the side, Alex tried to keep her adolescent smirk hidden.

“Here.” Alex began, pushing one of the three glasses towards Piper, the one that had gone untouched. Piper eyed it suspiciously. 

“How do you know you don’t like it, if you haven’t even tried?” Alex theorised, her fingertips pushing the glass as far towards her as she could get it. 

Bubbling before her, that tumbler of hazy euphoria and bad decisions appeared to beckon her for just a taste. Those sorts of things had always been irresistible to Piper. She snapped it up, raising the straw to her lips, and drawing a tentative sip. Alex watched her throat bob up and down, her eyes squeeze shut as she was assaulted by the strength of the drink. “That’s, uh- strong.” Piper faltered, licking her lips. 

“It’s meant to be. But it will calm your nerves.” Alex remarked, taking the opportunity to shuffle a little closer, sliding a little further up Piper’s thigh, just enough to cause her to give a little jump. But as bashful as ever, Piper shied away, swallowing forcefully as she attempted to block her body’s response. She wanted to yelp. She wanted to see what look Alex harboured in her eye. She wanted to push back. 

Alex’s words bounced around her head. It will calm your nerves. Nervous she was. But it wasn’t all that obvious. Whatever Alex had picked up on, small occasional fingerings of the tablecloth or the tell-tale blush that crept up her neck whenever danger approached, or Alex’s own intuition that made Piper as transparent as ice; she was right. 

Piper snapped up the drink, taking a long swig before putting it back down on the table. Alex raised an eyebrow. “More nerves than I thought…”

She’d barely drunk two thirds of its contents, but Piper knew that fuzzy feeling when it hit. She liked the rush alcohol gave her, the nerve and strength and unshakeable feeling of invisibility. And Alex was right - it did calm her nerves. In fact, Piper had to concentrate hard to assure herself they were still there. They were surrounded by a dizzy version of courage, and made Piper feel like she could do anything. 

So she did.

Piper pushed her thigh tighter against Alex’s; a flickering warmth deep in the pit of her stomach burning profusely. Heat thrived at the point where they joined, and Piper swore she could feel it creep all the way up her neck. 

The timidness she harboured diminished, and she managed to lock eyes with Alex, feeling something new surface there. It was a primal raw tendency that Piper didn’t fully understand. But she didn’t need to. Alex wasn’t teasing anymore. Alex had caught herself in her own trap. She was just as deep as Piper, locked together, and currently trying to push a little further up her thigh.

Peripherally, Piper saw Alex’s knuckles lock, straining to keep herself from running them all over Piper’s skin. Expressionless, Alex struggled to keep steady. Whatever Piper was doing to her, it was powerful. It made her furious that she’d not suggested Piper come straight over to her place. This table, these people, were obstacles.

It’s only an innocent touch, it’s an accident. You can hardly feel it, Alex tried to convince herself, but Piper’s light smirk of determination and hooded eyes of something more were not signs she could easily dismiss. 

Alex wondered what she was in for when Piper glanced innocently around, checking to see whether their under-the-table activities had drawn any prying eyes. Pushing her chair as far forward as she could get it, Alex noticed Piper’s hands disappear, slipping below the table, out of Alex’s line of sight. 

Oh god.

Alex took a deep breath, every fibre of her being alerted, bracing and searching and goddamn craving the moment fingertips would brush. 

On a particularly sensitive spot on the inside of her knee, Piper ghosted upward, going as far as she could reach with feather-light touches before dipping lower. 

Alex sucked in breath, making a mental note to add courageous Piper to the list of her favourites. Piper’s touch scattered along the coarse material of her jeans, heavy enough to send pangs of desire rippling through her, light enough to make her want to beg for more. 

Green eyes of desperation and conflicted ecstasy darted back to Piper, her current point of anchor. She had to do something about this, because her hands were oh so tempted to plunge down between them, and push Piper’s wandering touch right up to where Alex wanted her. But Piper had her frozen solid. 

“I’ve changed my mind. I like that drink.” Piper informed, her voice steady and confident, without the slightest trace of a waver. 

Innocent. 

Her resolve made Alex want to silence that mouth in the only way she knew how. 

It was clear Piper expected a response. Her fingertips were carefully coaxing it out of her. But Alex wasn’t sure if she could utter a single word. She was so worked up and distracted, her tongue was tied. Fucking hell.

“Stop” Alex stammered, as quickly as she could muster. But it did little to control the slur that faulted her plea.

Piper crinkled her brow in insincere confusion. Alex might have even found it adorable if she wasn’t currently being tortured to death. “What’s wrong with your voice?” 

“It’s fucking a-allergic to bullshit.” Alex breathed, her eyes closing over momentarily as Piper passed over a particularly sensitive spot.

Alex wanted to shoot daggers at Piper, or maybe just provide just enough encouragement to push Piper further. It took everything she had to not let her tortured ecstasy show and remain rigidly still. And it was proving near impossible to do so.

Piper raised an eyebrow, applying her nails to rake scathingly against the fabric. 

Too much. Too fucking much. Too fucking-

That’s it, thought Alex, her hands skidding back across the table, only to drop beneath, and seek out Piper’s wandering hands. She snapped it up, forcing her to apply more pressure. Alex saw Piper gasp, but was so heady and determined to drive Piper further she hadn’t realised the sandy-haired waited her returned, hovering over the table.

“Do you want me to clear this away?” He asked courteously.

And just like that, the moment was broken. Piper driving Alex insane turned into Piper reeling back in shock, disconnecting from their secret entanglement under the table, forcing her chair back. Hands reappeared in sight, but much too hastily: brashly knocking over one of the glasses.

With a plunk, the glass tipped, spilling its alcoholic contents all over the polished oak table, in turn managing to overflow onto Piper. 

Piper skittered back, jumping out of her chair and immediately surveying the damage.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you!” The boy assured, raising his hands to grip his head, horrified. 

Piper forced her pounding heartbeat to calm a little, effectively saving herself from an ill-timed heart attack. Yes, the glass had been successful in making its mark on Piper’s white shirt. A significantly sized mark, too - sticking transparently right to her stomach. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Piper assured, rubbing herself down. “Not your fault”, she promised, as the boy coated the table in napkins, turning up the glass. Alex stood up, catching Piper’s attention as she pointed to the corner of the building. “Bathroom’s that way.”

Piper nodded, blankly following Alex’s directions, avoiding entertained looks from customers that strained their necks to catch a glimpse.

Alex dug into her wallet, sifting through the notes and placing several firmly within the boy’s grip, clasping her hand over the top. “Here. Change is all yours.” The boy mentally estimated the change, shaking his head and outstretching his hand back to Alex. “It’s too much. Especially since-“

Alex knocked his hand back. “Dude, trust me. It really wasn’t your fault.”

….

Piper rubbed furiously at her shirt, a bunched-up paper towel forcefully applied to the stretched out material. She’s not angry about the shirt. It’s easy to get another one of those. But what on earth was the doing? What was she thinking?

Piper was horrified and ashamed. Piper was almost sorry they’d been interrupted. She felt wonderfully contradicted.

Too preoccupied mentally chastising herself, Piper hardly heard the door squeak open as Alex comes through, seeking Piper out. 

“Don’t-don’t rub at it. It’ll make it stick.” Alex instructed. 

Piper huffed, annoyed, continuing to rub against the material. Alex pries the paper towel out of her fist, careful to make as little contact as possible. She can tell Piper regrets what she has done.

“Can I?” Alex asked tentatively, motioning to the wet blotch staining Piper’s shirt. Piper gave a nod, keeping her gaze averted from Alex. Alex ran a clean paper towel under the tap, letting it soak until it was at risk of losing its structural integrity.

Teeming with guilt and regret and confusion, Piper backed up, feeling the small space of the bathroom grow even smaller in Alex’s presence. Her back was pressed up against the side of a toilet cubicle, her knees locking her slouched position into place. She looked positively crestfallen.

Alex mentally took the blame. 

Piper watched with cat-like eyes as Alex’s hand ran up the inside of her shirt, not daring to touch the skin of her stomach as she flattened the material out, using her other hand to dab away at the blotch gently. 

With a look of concentration plastered onto her face, Alex worked out the yellowed stain, little by little. Piper watched, admiring the way black waves fell from being tucked behind her ear, obscuring her face. She was close enough that Piper could make out little details: the way she held her breath slightly whenever her focus peaked, the way she bit her lip, digging into its flesh.

Piper felt herself stiffen, aware of just how close Alex was in proximity, just how intoxicating it was to have her shallow breaths fall around her, dissipating as they fell upon her chest. It was oddly claustrophobic, and for every moment Alex remained occupied, Piper was grateful. She liked having Alex distracted, her confident and intense and downright intimidating guard temporarily dropped. Alex’s hand accidentally grazed along her stomach as it slipped back out from under Piper’s shirt. 

Piper gasped at the touch, however light, as it skimmed disappointingly away. Those touches were always too delicate and too momentary. Those gazes were too intense and smothered to death with unmet desires. Piper felt her heartbeat start to thrum. 

Alex still kept her eyes averted, and Piper wondered whether Alex noticed it too, that fuzzy feeling that made the air feel charged with expectation. 

Alex clasped her hands together to keep from fidgeting. She could smell Piper’s scent intermingle with the distinctive alcoholic tang that was so familiar to her. It sent her into overdrive. It felt like an addiction.

All Piper could hear was her own heartbeat beating so strongly in her chest, she felt sure Alex must have heard it. Piper tried to concentrate on her breathing, having to work on getting enough air into her lungs, and save herself from falling. She felt sure Alex was stealing the air. It was so scant, so rare, so hard to get, and even harder to hold on to. 

Piper was so preoccupied by keeping herself conscious she hadn’t noticed Alex’s gaze work it’s way up, driven with that raw, primal quality that darkened her pupils. One confident look met Piper’s, locking for only a brief second. Piper took a while to decipher what Alex was conveying. 

Permission.

So quickly Piper barely had time to focus, Alex crashed into her, her body suddenly pressed up against her own, backing Piper urgently up against the wall. Piper squealed as the space between them diminished, Alex’s lips swiftly capturing her own. If the alcohol of the night had mellowed her, Alex sure as hell turned that around. Her lips were so warm and so persuasive every nerve in her body seemed afflicted with the uncontrollable sensations that flooded through her like a wave.

Piper let her eyes flutter shut, her mouth taking over from rational thought, lost in a dizzy haze of heat and stolen breath. 

Hot and persistent, Alex made it brutally clear she wasn’t aiming for tenderness. Piper failed badly to suppress a moan as Alex barely allowed her time to breathe, selfishly returning to her mouth time after time. And God, she knew how to kiss. But it couldn’t have just been her flawless technique that made Piper so weak at the knees she was sure she was melting. Alex was communicating so much passion it was almost unbearable.

Piper felt Alex’s tongue run along her lower lip, enticing her to open her mouth fully. The kiss turned rough, both trying to reach new depths, but failing as teeth clashed messily. 

Determined to steady her, Alex grasped her jaw, forcing Piper to tilt slightly to the side. It’s torture when Alex decides to abandon all restraint and mischievously slips her tongue inside. Piper lets herself melt into Alex, into every choice and every brush and every breath that falls in-between.

Alex pushes her thigh into Piper’s, applying just enough pressure to jam them recklessly apart. Piper doesn’t protest - she’s beginning to need some sort of friction to counter the ignited desire that craves more and more from Alex. 

“Oh god.” Piper manages to groan, as Alex moves a hand from her jaw to drift downwards, sinking her fingers into melting flesh, making her body spark in anticipation. Piper arches her back, impatiently pressing every part of her into Alex, slowly and purposely being driven insane. 

When Alex begins to suck and bite at her lower lip, Piper starts to lag. Her mind had dissolved, senses heightened, barely managing to turn her thoughts into actions. She ran her hands over Alex’s waist, grasping her tighter and pulling her impossibly closer.

Alex seemed to understand how quickly Piper was demanding this progress, kissing Piper hard before leaving her bruised lips to trail her neck, feeling Piper’s erratic breathing beneath shaking skin. Piper let her hands wander, growing agitated when she discovered it was impossible to slip her hands beneath Alex’s corset-like top. 

“Fuck-“ Piper grunted, husky and raw as she felt Alex graze over a particularly sensitive spot close to the juncture of her neck. Alex took this as a go-ahead, realising how quickly this was moving, and how incredibly public they were.

This was fast and instinctive.  
This was hot and heavy.  
This was progressing faster than either could keep up.

“Climbuponme”, Alex jumbled, running her hands down to Piper’s hips, finding a suitable grip to hoist her up with. Piper obeyed without question, linking her arms around Alex’s neck and pushing herself up. Wrapping her thighs tight around Alex’s waist, Alex twisted suddenly, backing Piper up against the wall for support. Blonde hair fell around them like a curtain, and Piper flashed a grin as Alex returned to her neck, one hand braced against the wall.

Piper clawed desperately at anything she could reach – the jet black locks that ran down Alex’s back, shoulderblades, absolutely anything she could grip or touch. She squirmed, feeling Alex so close to her, untouched parts of her getting desperate for attention. Piper grinded against Alex, muttering a string of incoherencies as she felt hands dip under her shirt and make their way up her stomach seconds later, travelling closer and closer to the fabric of her bra.

Feeling Piper’s haphazard position beginning to slip, Alex encouraged Piper to tighten her grip, pushing them back off the wall, guiding them towards the door of the lone cubicle. With her attention divided between keeping Piper upright and opening the damn door, Alex fiddled with the handle, the locking mechanism preventing the door from swinging invitingly open. 

“What the-“ Alex trailed off, drawing her attention away from Piper, struggling to focus. 

“Occupied!” a voice called from behind the door, irritated at Alex’s persistence to jam open the door. 

Immediately their frantic movements stilled. Neither had known they were not alone.

“There are kids in this place! You should be ashamed!” accused the voice from barricaded behind a highly effective locking mechanism.

“Been listening, have you?” Alex bit back, delivering an abusive kick to the door in retaliation. Piper stilled, suddenly reduced to snickers as she gripped onto Alex, lost in the entanglement, somewhere between desire and reality.

“You’re both so loud, it’s hard not to!”

Alex groaned. That stall wasn’t going to open anytime soon, which left absolutely nowhere private. Piper moved against her hips, indicating she wanted to be put down. Alex steadied her breathing, removing her hands from under Piper’s shirt, finding her hips. Hard breaths and hammering heartbeats were forced to calm, their bodies still pressed together, every movement and every shiver felt by the other.

Neither wanted to break away. Not when they’d gotten this far, so ready and so willing to forget their pointless battle for dominance, and resolve the matter a lot more physically. Piper felt the skin of her neck burn, and wondered whether Alex had left a mark. Perhaps even more than one.

“Do you wanna go back to my place?” Alex stammered, her voice raspy against Piper’s neck. Without meeting Piper’s eye, buried in the column of her neck, Alex waited patiently for an answer. 

Please say yes. Please fucking say yes.

Piper released a hand from stuck somewhere between them; bringing it up to Alex’s chin and make her meet her eye. Her face was wonderfully flushed, and Alex figured that hers was too, judging from the heat that stung at her cheeks. 

Alex fell onto those smoky blue eyes just as the edges of Piper’s swollen lips upturned slightly, enough to form a lopsided grin. 

That was answer enough.


	3. Chapter Three

As her trudging steps were closely echoed by Piper’s footfalls, Alex couldn’t help but smirk at her luck. When she’d played out various scenarios of the night in her mind, each one slightly different, she hadn’t expected Piper to still be right beside her almost three hours later. And yet here she was, tagging slowly along, her shoulder brushing against her own whenever the footpath grew particularly narrow.

But Alex noticed there were times she moved closer without the false pretence; her head shyly tiled towards the ground, inconspicuously inching a little closer whenever she felt sufficiently brave.

Alex’s mind spun with the effect Piper’s presence had on her – the tingle that lingered on her lips, the waves of intoxication that washed over her whenever she was close enough to catch the subtle perfume that mixed with natural scent and a plethora of other products Alex was at a complete loss to identify.

Alex had to work hard to suppress the urge to take Piper’s hand and lock it in her own, just to make sure Piper wouldn’t bolt. It was stupid and ridiculous; something that felt so uncharacteristic Alex felt guilt burn at her throat. But then again, if Alex touched her, even the faintest little brush of skin on skin contact, she wasn’t sure she could exercise self-control. Not with the way she felt pressed up against her, not with the way her sighs made Alex believe there was no greater sound in the world to be heard.

“I’ve never been around these parts before.” Piper commented, mesmerised by the quirky shop fronts nestled among houses, poking conspicuously out with glassy window displays. Piper trails behind, eyes fixed on the ones that catch her attention, her gait beginning to slow as her mind wanders.

“Never?”

“Never.” Piper replies, shaking her head slightly. “Wish I had, though. It’s so…” She trails off, her college education failing to equip her for an appropriate term to capture the essence of the neighbourhood.

“Alternative?”

“Yeah.” Alternative. It described the area perfectly, from bus-shelters doused with talented doses of graffiti, eccentric late-night bars that were only just picking up for the night, filled with 80s rock and strange accents. Piper couldn’t help but notice how appropriate it seemed for Alex to live in this area. She could see the appeal – it wasn’t the typical suburbia, with children and SUVs and lawnmowers every Saturday morning. It was the polar opposite.

And it said a lot about Alex. 

It speaks volumes of how badly Alex hates suburbia. The monotonous repetition of 9 to 5 and mortgage repayments. Malls that replicated the one in the next suburb, and the one after that. That kind of life made Alex’s skin crawl. 

“Well, not many of your type around here.”

For a second, Piper wondered if it was meant as an insult. But Alex didn’t snicker or chuckle, she just dug her hands into her pockets, shrugging slightly as she kept her gaze fixed on the pavement, rarely darting back up to catch Piper’s eye.

“My type?” Piper questions, feigning slight offence.

Alex looks to Piper, noting the smile that remained fixed on her lips. And with that look in Piper’s eyes, Alex realises she isn’t entirely sure what was reflected there. It wasn’t confusion. It wasn’t judgement. It wasn’t even admiration. It was something that Alex hadn’t seen before, something she couldn’t decipher. Maybe she doesn’t fit a type at all…

“The entitled type. You know, coming from a family of unspeakable secrets and faked smiles. The type that values money and respectability above anything…“

Alex pauses, trying to articulate what she means. There’s no hurry in her silence, she knows Piper’s still listening. Her gait slows a little every time Alex speaks, and she likes that. She likes how Piper wants to hear whatever it is Alex has to say, no matter how long she thinks it over and delays her words.

“Important, or…or real, I guess.”

Piper thinks carefully about Alex’s choice of word. She resents how easily it is for her to be typified: into the mould of privilege and money, of dysfunctional family and material possessions standing in the place of parents. It’s a hang-up Piper’s always carried - feeling the weight of it at every turn, as she meekly followed in the direction expected of her, never breaking away. She never had the courage to deviate, even just a little.

But nevertheless, Alex has a point. Importance in her family was placed on what you projected, rather than what you were. At times, Piper felt claustrophobic in the toxic façade that surfaced in every tense dinner conversation, every friend she brought home, only to have her mother cast her a disapproving look that said she just doesn’t fit. 

Piper always told herself that one-day, one day she’d break free and burn all the roads she’d followed that led to the same places her parents had been. She’d imagined it happening suddenly, like the flick of a switch, or the spin you did when you crash into someone at the subway. But Piper had lacked some core element: perhaps it was ambition, or courage, or strength; and so she learned to live in some unstable state of flux. Torn into two parts – distinctly different, completely incompatible. 

“Real.” Piper echoes. Real. It seemed to denote truth, and with it, a raw brutality that made Piper wonder what had made Alex regard “real” to be so significant. But the more Piper thought about it, the more she understood. Alex reeked truth. The way she accepted what she was, the way she was so sure of herself. The way every word she spoke and every step she took hid absolutely nothing.

It made Piper curious. What did Alex hide, and where was it concealed? Would she find it in torn photos, dark secrets that had never seen light, healing skin or stashed possessions? Something in Piper, some deep, private instinct impelled her to find out. 

Piper nodded as a mutual understanding surrounded them in blanketed silence. Alex didn’t need to elaborate. Her scant words and hands shoved in her pockets, head tilted downwards spoke volumes in a language Piper deciphered naturally. 

Something caught her attention, breaking her train of thought, making her turn abruptly and double back. Alex watched her movements curiously. 

The glass shopfront of an old bookshop had sparked her notice, her eyes excitedly glazing over the leather covers of aged volumes and novels, gold rims and heavily imprinted inks from days of craftsmanship and quality. The enthusiasm that glinted in Piper’s eye reminded Alex of a child lingering over some shiny new toy. 

“I’ve read about this. It’s meant to be the one of the best antique bookshops in the city!” Piper mused, peering into the darkened displays. 

But Alex wasn’t capable of responding right away. She was momentarily captivated by the reflection they cast, barely more than an outline against the glass. But it struck her as something significant, the kind of feeling that only comes around once in a while, the feeling like you’ve started something, and you just might be doing it right this time. She watched as refracted moonlight gave Piper’s hair a silver quality, her head tilted to read horizontal titles and author’s names. And there was her own reflection, a darkened figure with hands jammed into her pockets, her black hair falling into her jacket. It occurred to Alex her teenage habit of jamming her hands into pockets had returned, or perhaps more accurately, had returned around the presence of Piper. Odd. She thought she’d finally grown out of that one.

They looked strangely good together. 

Alex forced herself to pull away from their reflection, focusing back on Piper’s musings. “It is.” 

Piper darts around to meet Alex’s downcast gaze. “Do you have a subtly ignorant, yet confidently clever answer for everything?”

Alex smirks, amused. “That’s way too many adjectives, Pipes.”

Piper shrugs her off, sure that whatever comeback she thought up, no matter how witty, would be beaten by Alex anyway. She’s too distracted to even notice the nickname thrust upon her, a nickname that stuck like glue. 

Alex runs her hands up and down her arms feverishly, attempting to maintain enough friction to keep her warm. “Can we come back when it’s actually open? It’s fucking freezing.” Alex whines, her breaths forming cold puffs that linger for a few moments before dissipating. 

Piper nods in agreement, wondering if Alex had actually meant that, or whether it was said with casual indifference. She’d like to return to the bookshop. She’d like Alex to lead her to different sections, selecting pre-browsed copies with a precise familiarity for their location and their pages. Piper turned on her heel, brushing up against Alex’s shoulder. Part of her thought she should probably pull away, give Alex her space, not blur any lines. But the cold was as good a premise as any to stay that close.

And for every moment that passes, Piper grows a little more relieved that Alex doesn’t pull away. She even slows down inconspicuously, scuffing along the sidewalk, keeping her gaze routinely averted. It causes a little panic in Piper, causing her mind to propel itself into overdrive, wondering what she may have done to make Alex refuse to meet her gaze.

But it wasn’t Piper. It was Alex making a plan, calculating. Piper tries to catch her eye, but Alex is too distant in some part of her mind to notice. She’s counting the steps, tracing the pavement, unsure of herself. It’s a fear of the unknown that gets her. She knows the easy answer: she’s taking the final steps home. But there’s a feeling she can’t escape, like she’s making a decision bigger than it appears on the surface. Like somehow, it’s going to matter. Alex racks her brain to think why this might be different. Maybe it’s because she likes Piper. It’s been a long, long time since she felt that way. 

So Alex drives her thoughts into exactly how she’s going to play this. She’s got a rough idea, and to be honest, it’s an idea she’s been working on since that night at the bar.

She’s going make Piper remember the textbook definition of mercy, and demonstrate the meaning of pleasure. Piper won’t be forgetting it anytime soon.

They approach Alex’s apartment, and she points it out so Piper knows where to go. It’s an old warehouse that’s been converted, making it stand out against the standard, identical houses that surrounded it. Exposed rough brick makes it an impressive sight, and almost immediately, Piper’s got her style nailed down. Unpolished floorboards. Wide open spaces. Random, un-matching pieces of furniture.

As they round the corner, Piper gets nervous all over again. It was startling how quick Piper’s mind went from barely active at all, to almost throbbing with a rush of insecurity and doubt, making her fidget with the loose threads of her sleeve. 

Piper watches Alex pull out a key at the door, feeling her heartbeat start to speed up a little more. Concentrate. Alex leans in close to Piper, until she’s almost pressed up against her. There’s hardly enough room between them to turn the key. Piper focuses intently, watching every movement Alex makes. She’s so close, to tantalisingly close; Piper can feel her breath hitch. She twists the key, and it clicks open. 

And in that moment, Alex just knows she can’t hold out any longer. The slow building of tension that felt like static felt unbearable, and for Alex, it’s been lingering for far too long. She just can’t take it anymore.

Just as her hand slips away from the keyhole, Alex twists, faster than the speed of sound. Her hands are swift and their movements calculated as they find their way to Piper. Alex grasps her jaw, pulling Piper roughly toward her. The distance closes, accompanied by a shocked stumble, and then there’s an explosion of heat and unbearable fire as Alex’s lips lock onto Piper’s. 

Piper gives a squeal, but the breath she desperately needs is sucked out of her, and Alex doesn’t catch the sound. Her mind has melted – she can’t think straight, as everything is utterly consumed by everything Piper. Hands go flying, and get lost somewhere in the entanglement. It’s messy; neither have any co-ordination. But Alex quickly realises that a tactical train of thought might actually come in handy – they haven’t even managed to step inside the threshold yet.

Focus.

Alex feels Piper make a desperate attempt to deepen the kiss, and she’s so forceful Alex is almost thrown off balance. Suddenly, it’s Piper in control. And the minute Alex catches on that she’s fast surrendering her empire, she tries to force it back.

Alex relinquishes her hands from somewhere, finding Piper’s wrists and pushing them tightly up against the door. Her body follows, twisting roughly, until Piper’s completely backed up against the doorframe. Alex smiles against Piper’s lips, pleased with herself, and much more comfortable with Piper being the defenceless one, pressed up against the doorframe, her chest rising and falling - absolutely pounding. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes bright and unsuspecting. There’s something so erotic about that look that Alex immediately feels a pang somewhere deep inside of her, so intense it almost hurts.

Alex leans into Piper, her weight pushing Piper further and further in until suddenly, Alex is slightly concerned she might shatter Piper’s ribs. But Piper doesn’t seem all that interested in the prospect. She releases what sounds like a whimper, and Alex can feel her body arch deliciously, increasing contact. Unable to resist, Alex responds, grinding harshly against Piper’s hips, pushing her back. 

This was Alex’s door. This was Alex’s property. It was Alex who earned the right to control. 

With a deviousness that catches Alex off-guard, Piper manages to slip out of Alex’s hold, her fugitive hands skimming down Alex’s sides, finding her hips. Alex hisses slightly as Piper tightens her grip, pushing Alex further forward, and applying her fingernails in an attempt to force Alex into compliance.

Slightly irritated, Alex catches Piper’s bottom lip between her teeth, biting down. “In this land, I am king.” Alex demands, her voice hoarse and without the slightest trace of hesitance. It’s a statement, a mandate, and there’s no room to question. 

But it spurs Piper on, as a challenge. Challenges are everything forbidden, from frosted cereals to failed subjects. Everything remotely rebellious, everything fun. And right now, the challenge is Alex. And it’s the best challenge yet.

“Your land doesn’t begin until we actually get inside the door.”

Alex snickers against Piper’s lips. “Pretty sure I own the door. Both sides of the door.”

Piper resorts to her fragmented recollections of Philosophy 101 to counter Alex’s rather persuasive, and rather correct, argument. “Ownership doesn’t exist.”

“I’ll fuck you right up against the door then.”

There’s little light to see, but Alex can see Piper’s pupils darken at the prospect. She’s tempted, but not nearly daring enough to take her up on the offer.

“I’ll take a raincheck. Just get the fucking door open.”

Finally, finally, Alex manages to twist the handle, never allowing Piper to leave her lips. The door falls open, and Alex releases a sigh of relief – a door that actually opens is the one she’s needed all damn night. 

There’s a moment where Piper’s unsure whether to wait for an interlude, but Alex never wavers for a second - her tongue remains just as demanding, forcing Piper to take several steps backwards. But her steps grow increasingly tentative, blinded in unfamiliar territory, and utterly oblivious to the placement of furniture. “Alex…”

But Piper never gets to finish her sentence as Alex swallows it, effectively shutting Piper up. And Piper struggles for air – certain she’ll soon be deprived enough to maintain consciousness. But Alex breaks just in time; at the very moment she feels her lungs about to explode. Distantly, Piper registers the door slam shut, and her entrapment suddenly feels very, very real. There’s no escape from Alex’s embrace.

Alex’s wandering hands skate down her back, over her ass and around her thighs, finding a grip steady enough to hoist Piper up with. 

“Up.” Alex directs.

Piper doesn’t dare disobey, gripping at Alex’s shoulders as she jumps, her thighs locking with hips. Alex groans at the sensation, it’s so close and exquisite that she’s not sure she will survive the night. But then Piper grinds against her hips, and every coherent thought that plagues her diminishes, lost forever. She’s all hips and hands and breath that begs for the return of her lips on hers.

Alex feels heat build at her core, a reaction faster than any she can remember, and Alex realises how quickly this needs to progress. Alex swipes Piper’s hair away in one smooth motion, before bringing her mouth to hover just above the aching skin of her neck. She can feel Piper struggle to get enough air, and realises she’s probably gripping her a little too tight.

She’s so close to Piper’s neck she can see a single trickle of sweat skitter along, and for some reason, it makes her smirk, she knows it’s her that’s elicited this response from her. The air is cool outside, almost bitter, and she’s sweating.

On impulse, Alex lets her tongue flick out to catch the droplet before it disappears. Piper gasps, her arms tightening their grip in response. 

Oh god yes.

Alex delivers an open-mouthed kiss to the quivering skin beneath. Piper’s fingers automatically curl around Alex’s shoulders, digging in slightly to encourage her further. Her mouth trails further, with an agonising pace that threatens to unhinge her. 

“Please” Piper whimpers, her head tilted back to give Alex better access.

Alex hits a particularly sensitive spot close to her ear, and Piper gives a jolt. Her hand fly to Alex’s hair, tangling in black locks, and Alex knows immediately it’s a weak spot for Piper. 

Her lips dart over the flesh again, this time biting down softly. Piper’s breath falls short, giving away the exact location.

There.

Alex releases the skin from between her teeth, sucking gently to soothe it. Her legs grow weak from the pressure of supporting both herself and Piper, and Alex begins to shift, orienting herself towards the wall. Piper squirms against Alex’s hips, her position falling dangerously low. It threatens to drive Alex insane, all that wriggling so close, yet never close enough. She’s stuck between wanting Piper to still, and wanting her to continue.

Alex pushes Piper up against the wall, letting her slither down onto stable ground before attacking her mouth. She doesn’t hold anything back this time – she doesn’t think she has the restraint, and so she mercilessly invades her mouth, her tongue darting to Piper’s, and forcing her to surrender. 

Her hands drop to the button of Piper’s jeans, and it’s a movement so calculated it takes her by surprise. Alex’s hair has fallen into a state of disarray, loose strands blocking her vision as she fights with the button. 

“I don’t even get the tour?” Piper quizzes, sarcastic. 

Alex just smirks, catching Piper’s gaze and watching her eyes begin to glaze as she undoes she zipper of her jeans very, very slowly. 

“That’ll cost you extra.”

“What happened to the ‘support the broke college grad’ attitude?”

“Gone.”

“What a disaster.” Piper mumbles absently, tugging at the arms of Alex’s leather jacket, insisting the offending article be discarded. But Alex isn’t the least bit interested in removing it, not when her hands have slipped underneath Piper’s shirt, grazing over her stomach and around her waist. 

Eventually Piper’s irritation grows, and Alex’s refusal to remove her hands from Piper’s body, even for a second, is making it impossible for Piper to tear the jacket away. 

“Take it off.” Piper growls.

Alex grins, loving how demanding Piper’s words are. She leaves Piper’s mouth, seeking out her earlobe and tugging on it gently as her arms drop from under Piper’s shirt. Piper peels the jacket away, struggling to complete the simple task without getting slightly lost, mesmerised by the sharp pain that signalled to Piper that she hadn’t really won. Alex kicks the door open, barely allowing Piper time to pull off a lone shoe before Alex pulls her inside. 

With every passing second, Alex grows a little more confident. Perhaps it’s the familiarity of the room, or the alcohol finally mellowing her out. But suddenly, her plan kicks into action, and she can work on autopilot, giving her time to focus on the way Piper feels, the way she sounds, the way she responds. 

But Piper’s not nearly as lucid. Every touch Alex inflicted upon her had the remarkable ability to sober her up – and yet, at the same time, made her more intoxicated by the second. Everything was fragmented, like a jump in an old film roll. 

Piper can feel Alex pull at her shirt, adept fingers fidgeting with the buttons. Slowly, Piper’s chest is revealed as the fabric falls away, heaving flesh so enticing Alex barely manages to suppress the urge to devour it already. 

Hands grow desperate and frustrated at the lack of progress she makes, and by the final few buttons, Alex’s vision clouds, and she’s frantic to feel her. 

Alex is tempted to rip it apart, but Piper would probably be most annoyed if she ripped what she figured was probably a favourite shirt. It’s not civil to tear fabric from seams, and make buttons fly. But then again, Alex isn’t feeling even remotely civil today. 

Fuck it, Alex thinks, grabbing two tight handfuls of the shirt, and forcing it open. She can hear the fabric tear, and vaguely hears two buttons clatter somewhere on the floorboards. 

It’s strangely satisfying. 

Piper gasps, and her mouth falls agape, ready to protest. But before she can say anything, Piper notices the look harbouring in Alex’s eye. It’s dark, primal even, and it silences her immediately. Alex pulls at the sleeves, and Piper adjusts her elbows and lets Alex tug it away.

Her touch returns, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake as she reaches around, locating the clasp of her bra. It unlocks with an ease that Piper can’t even match with her own bra, let alone someone else’s. It falls away, and Piper fixes her gaze on Alex, watching a small smile of admiration appear as the sight of her breasts is revealed. 

Piper grows uneasy under Alex’s gaze – her insecurities on display. It doesn’t take Alex long to notice. By the loop of her jeans, Alex tugs Piper close, bringing her flush against her. She moves close to her ear, and like a secret, Alex whispers, “These have got to be the best tits I’ve ever seen.”

It’s exactly what she needs to set her back on track – back into the heat and the all-consuming force of Alex, insecurities fizzling insignificantly away. Alex is quick and calculated, and Piper is pulled onto the bed, falling heavily onto Alex’s body, her arms darting out brace herself against the mattress. Piper looks down, surprised to find Alex beneath her, dizzy from the weight of Piper haphazardly on top of her.

“Figured you for the top.”

Alex grins. “Switch?”

“Yeah.” 

Alex jams her leg in between Piper’s, flipping them over until Piper is beneath her. Much better.

Piper’s hands hover against the band of Alex’s jeans, a silent request for them to be removed. Alex nods, leaning back in to capture Piper’s lips, a hand skimming down the space between them, unbuttoning. Piper follows, and both try messily to sustain the kiss in between badly timed tugs on taut material. Eventually, they succeed – and Alex throws both over the edge of the mattress.

Alex stops suddenly, hovering above Piper, a momentary interlude to take in the sight. Barriers removed, Alex is granted access to Piper’s skin unhindered. She shudders; slightly surprised she could be so overwhelmed by the sight of all that trembling skin beneath her. 

Alex placed her hands on Piper’s bare stomach, feeling quivering muscles respond eagerly. Alex desperately wanted to map every inch of that skin. She wanted to chart the subtle changes of colour and texture, scale all the slopes and edges and highwaters. Explore every landmark of blemish or bruise, locate every single little spot that would tingle under her touch. Alex wanted to trace that skin - wanted her fingers to never be without its heat. She wanted every detail and every touch and every shiver to be committed to memory, securely locked away in her mind.

But Alex was disrupted in her quest when Piper’s eager hands began to tug her closer, willing to be touched all over, with an insistence that wasn’t going to allow a precise exploration. Alex convinced herself it could be saved for later.

Alex steadies herself for a moment, and pushes the hair away from Piper’s face. Her gaze wanders, trailing the length of her body. Something snaps deep inside Alex, and impulse takes over. 

Alex’s returns to her neck, slowly tracing down the column of her throat. Her hands find the melting skin of Piper’s breasts - the touch so soft and tender as they draw precise circles over her flesh that Piper’s certain she’s never felt something so exquisite. 

It’s a sensory overload, despite the fact that Alex moves slower and slower with every passing minute. Piper gives a jolt as Alex’s thumb brushes against her nipple, and instinctively, Piper arches up to the touch. Alex’s hand darts away, replaced by her mouth, her tongue flicking around the hardened nub. Piper inhales sharply, her eyes snapping shut.

“Oh god.” Piper manages to say, her hands tangling in Alex’s hair, encouraging her on. Her mouth starts to descend lower, and Piper feels like she’s slowly unravelling. She wraps her fingers tighter, holding on for dear life as Alex approaches the sensitive spots just beneath her ribcage. Piper releases a stuck sound, partway between a whimper and a complaint. “There-“

But the moment the utterance leaves her lips, Piper immediately regrets it. Alex uses it to her full advantage, her lips tracing ever so gently over the spot. It’s never enough – and Piper feels like she might explode. She teases as Piper’s muscles visibly quiver under her mouth. “Alex, Please.”

Movements turn frantic – to the pace of teenagers. This was impatient desperation and sensations that sent her mind into absolute overdrive. This was first touch done right – building in every second. This was what Piper had traded for awkward fumbling and desire that never quite built more than a flicker, and ended all too soon. This was testing everything she thought she knew, making her question how much pleasure one person could endure.

Fingers skate over her hips, tracing along the jutting bone before dipping lower. They hook around her underwear, and Alex looks up briefly, asking permission. Piper nods, resting on her elbows, intent on watching every little movement Alex makes. But Alex grasps the sheet in her hand, pulling it over her head and disappearing beneath.

Piper falls back against the pillows, anticipation building with every passing second. Alex pulls the material down, adjusting her position to rest her weight on her elbows. Piper can feel shallow breaths hit her core, and it’s enough to unhinge her. 

She can’t see Alex, so she can’t really judge the distance. But that only serves to make it worse.

Everything in Piper’s mind concentrated on that fragment of time – filled with nothing but the expectation for the moment Alex might move a little closer, and frustration for every passing second she didn’t. 

Alex closes the distance at the exact moment Piper is about to protest, her tongue slowly licking the length of her lips, but never daring to dip beneath. Piper squirms, her thighs automatically tightening to bring Alex closer. Alex loops her arms around Piper’s thighs, forcing her to keep steady.

Piper grinds against her mouth, becoming very aware of just how wet she is. Alex smiles, feeling Piper’s hands tighten in her hair. She delivers an open-mouthed kiss right against her core, and Piper shudders at the contact. It’s maddening. She’s so close, but never close enough. 

Slowly, unbearably slow, Alex’s tongue darts out, brushing against her folds before dipping beneath. There’s nothing innocent about the way Alex applies her tongue – in strokes, in licks, in undefinable ways. She should’ve guessed by the way Alex kissed – so demanding and relentless and passionate – that she’d be no different with her head between your thighs.

“Fuck, Alex!” Piper cursed, her fingers trying to push Alex closer, but at the same time, trying to push her away. Alex tightened her grip on Piper’s thighs, letting her breath fall against her core. 

Her tongue ventured out, slipping inside her. Alex almost melted at how ready she was under her tongue. It’s not enough for Piper, and her fingers twist in Alex’s hair as she lets out a badly suppressed groan, trying to communicate to Alex exactly where she wants her. 

Alex concedes, her tongue finding her clit and sucking lightly, before swirling around it. Piper gives a jolt – she’s sensitive. Really sensitive. Alex doesn’t think she’s been with anyone that reacts to powerfully to so little. Alex does it again, with more pressure, until Piper’s muttering her name over and over, blended with some expletives thrown into the mix.

Piper’s fast losing control - ascending the precipice and sprinting all the way up, never settling on one place for too long. Alex grew a little rougher, her mouth working continuously against her core. She traces undefinable patterns, hitting her in all the right spots, with just the right amount of pressure. 

Piper can feel herself grow faint, a foreign tingling feeling beginning to spread throughout her body. Alex could feel Piper was close – her thighs squeezing around her; hips beginning to be less and less calculated in their movements. Alex brought her hand up to skim along Piper’s stomach, searching blindly for the swell of her breast. She grasped it, running her palm over the nipple, before rolling it between her fingers. Piper’s breathing turned jagged, obstructing her moans and turning them into badly executed primal cries that begged for more and more and more.

The movements of her tongue turned hard and fast, alternating between sucking and running her tongue over her clit, until she felt Piper’s muscles begin to tense. Piper’s hands left her hair, only to desperately search for something solid to hold onto – some kind of anchor. But Piper felt herself begin holding her breath as the sensations Alex elicited from her turned too strong to hold back even for a second. 

There was nothing but Piper’s moans to fill the air – eyes squeezed shut and hands digging into the pillows. Piper’s back arched instinctively into Alex’s touch as her climax hit, hard. She was completely overloaded from the affliction of pure pleasure – every molecule of her being consumed by the feeling. Her hand came up to grip the headboard as she bolted upright, riding out the high until she was utterly spent.

Piper couldn’t remember anything so powerful that it tore her perfectly apart. 

Piper collapsed back against the mattress, her eyes still fixed shut as she felt the last remnants of bursting pleasure fizzle away, Alex’s tongue slowly withdrawing from her. Alex pulls the sheet back, delivering a kiss to her abdomen before wiping her lips of wetness that had gathered there. 

“Oh my god.” 

“Horrible, wasn’t it?” Alex mused, looking very pleased with herself. Piper immediately caught on that this was some sort of accomplishment to Alex – likely to be measured in frequency and intensity. Piper wouldn’t have been altogether surprised if Alex kept some kind of a record of the girls she fucked. 

“The worst.”

Alex brought herself to hover over her, letting Piper pull her in for a kiss. There was still tension there, still desire that had either not been satisfied or had simply built up all over again in the precious few seconds that had elapsed. This was not over.

“You’re really bad at that.” Piper quipped, punctuating the words by pulling Alex back down for a kiss, her fingers curling to hold her in place as she briefly took control. It breaks, far too quickly than Piper would like, and Alex dips her head, ready to return to Piper’s chest. Piper brushes her nose against Alex’s forehead, bringing her back up. “Can I do you?” 

It’s a simple enough request, but it strikes Alex as almost comical. Who actually asks to fuck? She thought she’d made it pretty clear – crystal clear in fact – how much she wanted Piper. After all, she did push her up against a toilet cubicle, and almost freaked the fuck out when she realised she was actually going to have to wait the tortuously long walk home. She also tore apart her shirt, and managed to leave a nice little hickey on her neck. She thought she’d made it pretty damn clear that Piper had full, unrestricted permission to fuck her. 

“You don’t have to ask.”

Piper breaks from her lips, propping herself up on her elbows. Her insecurities return, and Piper realises that she hasn’t got a clue what to do. She rattles her brain, trying to remember what Alex had done, but she wasn’t paying the slightest attention, all too consumed in the sensations and the feel of her tongue against her. 

“I’ve never…really…” 

Alex shifts, moving out from entanglement and propping herself on her side. 

Oh. She hadn’t realised this was a first time. She hadn’t given it even a single thought. In fact, she hadn’t even considered whether Piper was actually gay. It didn’t matter a whole lot – girls were attracted to her no matter what they labelled their sexuality as. But she could usually tell, especially if it was a first time. But Piper had done a damn fine job of fooling her, and she was pretty sure if Piper hadn’t told her, that she wouldn’t have known the difference.

“Gone down on a woman before?”

“I mean….” Piper begins, her gaze coy and mischievous before realising that she can’t lie to save her life, and the ending of her sentence isn’t really going to fit. Alex watches her expression change, from flirtatious to dorky in less than two seconds flat. “…no.”

It’s downright adorable, the way she lays all her cards on the table like that, right in front of Alex. It was amusing how honesty came so quickly to Piper. That was a quality she had to admire, for it wasn’t one she possessed herself. The first time she’d fucked a girl, they’d hazily asked if she’d done this before, and on impulse, Alex had said ‘yes’. But she’d never been found out, and it hadn’t made the slightest difference.

Piper harbours a look of uncertainly in her eye: as though she’s somehow deceived Alex and caused great offence, and might be thrown out of the apartment any second. Perhaps more logically, there’s a fear that this might cause some anxiety for Alex – she’s never done this before, so not nearly as experienced, and therefore, not worth it.

But Alex has no such thought – she’s too preoccupied fussing over how adorable Piper is right now. More transparent than a kid who can’t deal with the guilt of lying, so just blurts it out. But she intends to use this to her advantage, take a low stab at her sexual orientation, test her.

“What kind of a lesbian are you?”

But Piper’s quick off the mark to respond, and Alex briefly wonders whether this is a response she’s been planning all along. “The boob-touching kind.” Piper arches into Alex’s hand, punctuating her response. 

“All-right, well, are you ready to take the plunge…so to speak?”

Alex really hopes Piper will say yes, but she’s not letting this progress any further unless she’s sure that Piper wants this. It’s strange – a large component of her job is fucking girls without their explicit consent. They were often drunk or high or suffering from sort of emotional chaos, and Alex had never really paused to consider the implications. But in that moment, it felt right that Piper was ready. Because if she wasn’t, she’d sure as hell be disappointed, but she sure as hell wouldn’t push it. 

Piper tugs Alex closer. “Are you going to coach me through it?”

Thank god, Alex thinks, the moment she figures out that means yes.

“Yeah.”

Piper brushes her lips against hers, feeling Alex instinctively cup her face and sigh into the kiss. It’s got to be the hottest thing Piper’s experienced all night. It’s a moment where they’ve temporarily forgotten their battle for dominance, and Alex has forgotten who she is, to just let herself get lost in that kiss, caught in a state of flux. 

There’s a dull buzz from somewhere in the room, and it takes Piper a while to click that’s it’s an incoming call, and that she should probably break away. But as Alex begins to cut it short, she just blindly follows, determined to stay against Alex’s lips, grasping at her arm so Alex can’t get any further away. 

Alex clutches her face, giving Piper just a few more seconds before attempting once again to free herself from Piper’s embrace, only to have Piper stubbornly return. But Piper doesn’t have enough energy to lift herself any further off the mattress, so she lets Alex go.

Snatching up her glasses and the phone, Alex squints at the blur of a screen, barely making out the word ‘Fahri’.

Oh.

Oh.

What night was it? Thursday. She was meant to be coordinating the Amsterdam lot. What time did that plane leave again? God, she was so fucking screwed.

“What time is it in Amsterdam?”

It takes her a while to remember that Piper probably isn’t going to know, and there’s currently no one in the house belonging to the drug ring, so it’s not a question that’s going to be answered without answering that phone. Besides, she has to. “Okay, give me a second”, Alex asks, leaning back down. But Piper’s having none of it, her hand finding it’s way around Alex’s neck, keeping her there. 

It makes Alex really, really wish she didn’t have to answer.

“I’m sorry, it’s business. I’ll be right back.”

Alex turns, throwing on a dressing gown. “Do you want a glass of water?”

Her skin feels cold and incomplete without Piper’s warmth, and she desperately wants to return. Frustrated, Alex jabs the green button, bringing the phone up to her ear. “You have got to stop doing that.” Alex barks down the line, running a nervous hand down her hair. “I was right in the middle of something.”

“Your sexual exploits are none of my concern, Vause.”

“God, this couldn’t have waited?”

“Amsterdam says they’ve got the packages. Say there’s no one to deliver. This would be your department, so no, it can’t wait.”

Alex counts herself lucky she’s dealing with Fahri and not someone more volatile. This was meant to be done hours ago – and she’s compromised a fairly big drop. It’s entirely on her, she was given full responsibility. 

“Fine, okay. When does the plane leave? I’ll get the redhead from that stripclub… what was her name?”

“I wouldn’t know, Vause. I wasn’t there.”

Suddenly, there’s a scream that rips through the air and chills Alex to the bone. She turns around and almost bolts back to the bedroom, barely managing to mumble an absent “gotta go” before she slams the device shut and flicks the light switch.

“Jesus-what the fuck?” Alex exclaims, having to practically pry Sylvie away from Piper, and force her back towards the other side of the room. “Stop it, Sylvie!” 

“Shit-“ Alex extends her arm to Piper, helping her up as she attempts to keep the sheet wrapped around her, protecting whatever shreds of dignity she has left, and still cup her burning cheek. Piper jumps back, shying away from Alex’s touch as she reaches out to steady her. “She attacked me!”

Alex feels immediately guilty, partly because this is all her fault, partly because she looks genuinely scared, her brow crinkling in horror, so utterly unprepared for some stranger to come barging in, and hit her in the face. 

“Are you fucking kidding?”

Alex gets defensive, stuck somewhere between the truth and the fabrication, and currently ready to hit Sylvie back, should she try to take another swing at Piper.

“She just came in here!”

“I live here!” Sylvie fumes, her arms shrugging the ludicrousness of Piper’s claims off. 

Like two sides of the same coin, both turn to Alex. Suddenly, Alex feels increasingly ambushed by the situation, and she can’t think of a single scenario which would lead to a decent outcome. So she decides to come clean. She refuses to be the person who cheats and lies about it. And in her mind, she’s already justified her way out of the cheating part anyway. But it’s people like her father who would bullshit their way out of a predicament like this, and Alex refuses to be that person. Both think she’s cheating, so her explanations are as good as dead right now. So with all the pride she bear to part with, she swallows down all her arguments, and half-heartedly spills out the agreed-upon ‘truth’. “She does.”

But then Sylvie blurts out something she wishes Piper would never have to hear. “That’s my girlfriend, you whore.” 

Piper looks at Alex, clutching her cheek as she shakes her head. “No.”

It was true, or at least, kind of true. But she can’t reveal that to Piper, and she sure as hell can’t reveal that to Sylvie. In no position to defend herself, Alex bites back all the things she wishes she could say.

“Get her the fuck outta here.” Sylvie demands, pointing a menacing finger at Alex.

“Okay, I will. I’m gonna get her outta here, and then we’re gonna talk.” Alex responds, walking Sylvie backwards, as far away from Piper as possible, before she’s turned into a personal punching bag.

“I said get her out! Now!”

Alex can feel Sylvie push back, and Alex immediately backs off.

“Sylvie-Come on, Sylvie.” Alex despises the way she sounds – like she’s desperate, like she’s begging, but it’s crucial that Sylvie stays in this farce of a relationship. There’s literally millions of dollars at stake here. And she hasn’t worked her ass off to charm her for nothing.

“Your girlfriend?” Piper asks, no longer filled with fear, but of shock – a shock that she’s been led into this, coaxed right in this, until Alex had gotten what she wanted out of her, and then returned to her girlfriend with what Piper’s mother was sure to term ‘incredibly violent tendencies’. 

Alex sighs, motioning for Piper to stop this personal attack. “It’s complicated.” And it really, really was. Alex had intended the words to impart at least some of the reasoning behind this, but it ended up sounding incredibly self-centered.

Piper looks positively horrified by Alex’s response, and immediately she wishes she could take it all back, but Alex forces herself to suck it up, and let guilt envelop her and pride wash away.

“This is so fucked up” Piper mutters, grabbing her jeans and shoving them on as fast as she can, determined to get as far away from Alex as possible.   
Alex feels impelled to explain at least something, and despite her hardwired belief that apologies don’t mean anything, she decides it’s the least that Piper deserves. “I’m sorry. I should’ve said something.”

“You think?!” Piper spits back, and really, Alex can’t really blame her.

“Are you hurt? Did she hurt you?” Alex asks, her voice filled with genuine concern as she tried to brush Piper’s hair away from her flushed cheek. Piper pulls away from the touch, and Alex is immediately disappointed that she’s lost the right to touch her.

“She punched me in the face. Yes, it hurts.”

Fuck, Alex. Stop asking stupid questions. You’re an absolute moron for landing her in this shit.

“I just, I-I-I kept seeing you around, and yeah, I liked you…and then when you called…”

She’s full of explanations and reasons that don’t really match up, and her stuttering has returned – an old habit from childhood whenever she got caught out doing something she shouldn’t. 

“Okay, stop it. Please don’t. You’re making it worse.”

Alex holds out her bra, trying to make herself useful. “Here.” Piper snatches it up, looking more regretful by the second that she’d let all this happen. “Did you find your other shoe?” Alex asks quietly. 

“Forget it.” Piper mumbles. 

“What? You can’t walk home without your shoes,” Alex persists, but failing to come up with a reason why she couldn’t, and so as Piper turns at the door, glaring daggers, Alex can only muster “They’re-nice…shoes.”

Alex wants to drive Piper home, find her shoe, or buy her a new pair even. She can tell Piper’s not going to forgive her, not after this, not after the mistake she’s made. Piper throws her widowed shoe onto the floorboards, because really, it’s useless keeping it, unless she wants a keepsake of the occasion. 

“They’re from Marshals. Fuck you.” Piper slams the door shut, still clasping the sheet around her, shirt and bra dangling from her fingers. 

Alex winces as the door slams, squeezing her eyes shut, muttering “fuck” under her breath. You fucked up. You really fucked this up. Alex kicks the chest backed onto the bed, instantly regretting it as pain begins to radiate. 

Alex counts to ten, slowly releasing a shaky breath. Set this right, Alex. It’s your job to play the game.

Alex couldn’t escape the feeling that she was walking on eggshells in her own house as she stealthily moped down the book-lined hallway, bracing herself. She’s aware of Sylvie in her peripheral vision, her arms crossed as she paces aimlessly, sure to be tracking permanent scuff marks. Alex pretends to be oblivious, moving swiftly into the kitchen and opening the fridge. 

Sylvie waits, ready to begin a fresh wave of hysteria, as Alex calmly drops some ice into a glass and fills it with Scotch. But Alex mechanically refuses to meet her gaze, slipping past her as she pulls up a stool by the kitchen bench.

Eventually, Alex’s passivity pushes Sylvie to breaking point, and she blows. A heavy hand slams onto the bench, powerful enough to cause Alex’s glass to slosh around wildly. Alex looks up tentatively, but doesn’t make a single comment.

“You don’t talk now? You fuck around, but you don’t talk?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh, you’re sorry. Well then, problem-fucking-solved. You were clearly feeling apologetic five minutes ago, with your-”

Alex cuts her off. “I said I’m sorry, alright? I fucked up, it was stupid.”

“Does this relationship mean nothing to you? You wanna throw it all in over some blonde whore?”

Yes, Alex thinks. I really wish I could.

“She’s gone, okay? I won’t do it again.”

“You better not. Or your ass is fucking dumped, Alex.”

Alex nods into her glass, waiting until Sylvie has finally gone before daring to look up again. The bedroom door slams, and the kitchen is plunged into silence, and Alex relishes every second of it. Her thoughts trail off, and return, inevitably, back to Piper. She wonders where she is – whether she’s made it home okay. How mad she is. She’s tempted to make it right – call her, text her at least. Turn up at her house, offer an apology, be torn to shreds as Piper rejects it. 

Each idea she thinks of seems more pathetic than the last.

Alex pulls her phone out of her pocket, typing in the only memorised number into the keypad. She takes a deep breath, getting her mind to clear, because she knows when the voice comes down the line, everything will feel better. 

“Hey, mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're super duper keen for the next chapter, the copy on ff.net always runs slightly ahead. Find it there.


	4. Chapter Four

Piper fell back against the mattress, hands covering her face as she let out a frustrated huff. She couldn’t concentrate on a fucking thing. It plagued her, cursed her, and refused to give her even a moment’s peace. It would invade her mind in the dead of night, and again in the curious early hours of the morning. It festered away when she cast her glance towards her phone, just on the off chance it might start to buzz with ‘Alex’ written on the display. Little things, like when Polly asked what she’d like for dinner, acted as a trigger. Perhaps most annoying was how Alex invaded her thoughts at the most inopportune intervals that were completely unprovoked.

When she was introducing herself to a prospective employer.

When she was on the phone to her mother.

And again, when she crawled beneath the sheets after a long day. Without permission, her mind would replay the more adult parts of the night. The things Alex had done to her – more specifically, the things Alex had made her feel, were so utterly beyond her wildest fantasies that she began to question the reality of the night. But it couldn’t possibly have been a conjuring of her imagination – she had several hickeys to prove it. 

But Piper knew she wasn’t going to shake the nagging feeling that she still wasn’t satisfied. The untimely interruption had come at a moment where Piper’s mind had stubbornly fixated on one singular thought – the taste of Alex. 

She just had to know – she had to know what she’d done, whether it was real. There were so many questions pending, abruptly stalled by the lack of contact that drove thick steel walls between them. Piper squeezed her eyes shut, an extended groan leaving her lips.

“Jesus, Piper. If you huff, or groan, or make one more sound, I’m dumping you at the bottom of the nearest lake.” Piper cracked an eye open, just enough to see Polly squeezing her hands into tight fists. 

“Real supportive, Pol. Your best friend is miserable, and your main concern is the noise level. I’m dying here.”

But Polly wasn’t about to buy into Piper’s melodramatic flare. Years of college had acquainted her with Piper’s incessant whines and complaints whenever something mildly depressing set her off-balance. 

“Uh-oh. Is this another descent into the depths of despair? I don’t think I can handle that again.” 

Piper shot up, her mouth falling agape to protest. “I don’t do that!”

Polly snorts at Piper’s indignant denial, shaking her head. “Yeah, right. Remember Macbeth? You cried the whole night!”

“Macbeth was dear to me!” Piper snapped back.

Polly fixes her a look that says ‘you’re dead wrong and you know it’, but Piper takes no notice, frowning at Polly’s lack of empathy. “He wasn’t even your cat! You were nineteen years old, and the room next door asked if someone had died.”

Oh yeah. No one remembers quite how that tabby came to live in the campus dorms - where it came from, or who previously owned it. It was accepted into the dorms as just another resident – often hidden in rooms or even stashed in backpacks whenever university staff strolled the halls. Piper was immediately taken with it – so much so that freshmen just assumed it was hers. The name Macbeth seemed to stick, mainly from Piper’s insistence it was the only rightful name. And yet, just a few days before fall break, Macbeth failed to return. Piper, leading a band of Macbeth’s more dedicated followers, checked every sunny windowsill, scoured every crawlspace, doorknocked on every room, until the reality that he was lost was finally, begrudgingly, accepted.

“This is different.” Piper objected. Well, kind of different. 

“You don’t have to talk about it, Piper. I know you don’t like that. But you’ve been miserable for two weeks. It’s my best friend obligation to give you some advice. Give me something I can work with.”

As much as Piper resented being made out as a moping lovesick mess, Polly was kind of right. Piper was as reluctant to give Polly even the slightest hint of information since she had walked home two weeks ago - shirt missing several buttons, shoes missing entirely. Polly had looked positively horrified; loudly enquiring as to whether she’d been raped. Piper hadn’t offered a response, feeling like the question was only rubbing salt into wounds. She had glared at Polly before storming off, not to return from her bedroom-turned-cave for a solid twenty-two hours. But Polly had caught on quickly enough, or at least, gathered that Piper had in some way, been suffering from some form of emotional turmoil. 

Piper sighed, thinking that she probably could use some advice. She’d got herself into a rut so deep Piper wasn’t sure how to get out. “Fine, what the hell. What do you wanna know?” Piper asked.

Polly raised an eyebrow. “What do I wanna know? Why you returned home with your shirt ripped apart, and slammed the door in my face! What the hell happened?” 

It was a good question. What the hell had happened?

“I don’t know.” Piper mumbled, her gaze downcast.

But it’s not enough to throw Polly off, and in retrospect, Piper really should’ve known that. Polly shakes her head, indicating that she’s not satisfied. “You don’t know? What, you walked into a very severe wind, that just happened to rip the shoes out from under you?”

Piper gives a cheeky smile. “Well, it was gusty that night.”

But Polly’s heard all of Piper’s little tricks before, and just narrows her eyes. “Seriously, Piper. Context! Now!”

For a reason Piper can’t identify, the anger she first felt rushes back to her, makes her furious. She bolts up, animating herself with her hands. “She just, she’s got this hold on me, you know? It’s like I’ve been sucked into a vortex.”

Polly crinkles her brow in confusion. “She? She as in, you fucked a woman?”

Piper drops heavily back against the mattress. “I guess…kind of. I don’t know. I wasn’t the one doing the fucking.”

“Oh, gross. Spare me the details.”

“What should I do?” Piper asks hopelessly.

Polly gives her a look – one Piper had long since been familiar with. It’s hinted with judgement, and tells her she’s probably making a mistake, but Piper’s Piper, and no amount of convincing is going to change her stubborn mind.

“The way I see it, you’ve got two choices. Get her out of your system. Go out and find some cute guy.” Piper frowns, unconvinced. “Or, make contact.” Polly pauses for a moment, her eyes narrowed as she always does when formulating a plan. “Ooh, I know. Text her and ask for your shoes back. That way, you’re not committing yourself to anything that way, on the off-chance you’re left disappointed.”

It was astounding how quickly Polly came up with a decent plan that she’d subconsciously spent the last two weeks trying to figure out herself. It was simple. It was to the point. But it would still be contact. “That’s actually a really good idea, Pol.”

“Of course it is. I came up with it.”

Polly pokes out her tongue, muttering something about transitioning back to human normality as she leaves. Piper flips open her phone, feeling her chest swell as she scrolls down the messages from the past two weeks. Polly’s come up first, then several from Ethan - mostly 11pm I miss you’s and then drunken, misspelt apologies a few hours later. There’s a couple from Cal, quoting a few of mother’s most offensive favourites, several from numerous friends inviting her to this get-together or that house party. And finally, there’s Alex’s.

It’s the only message exchanged between them. It’s the address to that burger place Alex took her to, followed by a period and ‘AV’ to sign it off, as if Piper was going to receive more than one address that night. Her eyes trace over the characters, so full of concentration that her vision eventually turns pixelated. Piper wonders if Alex had, at any point, stared at the blank message box - or perhaps even started to compose a message. She wondered what it might say. But she’d never know, because like herself, she’d never been game enough to tap send. 

Do what Polly suggested.

Even the task of doing just that seemed convoluted - more complicated than any loaded essay question she had ever bullshitted her way through, any minefield her parents tried to trap her with whenever they suspected her of something.

Should she start with a casual Hey Alex, or would that infer she wasn’t still mad? Does she need to begin with It’s Piper, avoid confusion? Somehow, Piper had the suspicion that if she took any of those choices, Alex would take the mickey out of her for it. 

Finally, she puts pressure on the button to send, instead of hovering above it. She takes a deep breath, like she’s just fired the first shot into battle. She reads it over, checking for spelling mistakes, and trying to read it from every angle imaginable, just to make sure the interpretation remains square.

Piper: I need my shoes back.

She waits. Hoping to God that it gets delivered. There’s no reason why it shouldn’t. Will Alex just ignore it? Is she even in town? Maybe it’s a mistake. Maybe she should have left it alone…

There’s a sharp vibration against her hand, and Piper instantly fills with fear, although she’s not quite sure why. She’s safe behind a screen, but Alex seems intimidating no matter how distanced you are. But Christ, that was quick. Unless Piper has been rooted to the spot for hours, Alex has read the message, typed out a response, and replied straight away. There’s nowhere near enough time elapsed to read the message and forget about it, thinking I’ll get to that later. 

It’s almost like it was a priority.

Alex: And your underwear?

Piper reads it, and reads it again. Three words and a question mark, and she’s left dumfounded. It makes her angry. It makes her furious. She wants to laugh at it, because it’s witty. She wants to cry at it, because it’s embarrassing, and throws her right off balance. It was mocking. It was callous. It was subtly flirtatious. And it was everything Piper knew about Alex; all rolled up into three little words.

Piper types out a reply, quicker this time, a little more on impulse.

Piper: I have an interview tomorrow.

She chooses not to acknowledge what Alex has said. Chooses to be as clear-cut as possible. Requesting. But she’s also lying, because she’s already secured a job, and Piper has enough shoes to wear for a lifetime without missing the ones currently held hostage. The phone vibrates again, and this time, Piper isn’t just nervous about reading it. She’s absolutely dreading it. 

Alex: It’s just a suggestion, but you might want to wear underwear too.

It’s in that moment that Piper realises she can’t win. Alex is too good at this. She’s no match, really. That fucker, Piper thinks, but the anger is beginning to dissipate before it reaches full effect. And then Piper notices something. This was bait. She’s dragging this out, forcing Piper to answer back, preventing the conversation from ending.

She likes it.

She hates it.

She’s goddamn confused by it.

It sparks something inside her, like suddenly; she’s ready to play along. Like Alex has given her a nudge in the right direction, and she just recklessly complies. It’s a crazy idea, but then again, everything about their interactions was crazy. She feels like a stalker for thinking it. It seems wrong, and rebellious, and oh so enticing.

Piper: Where are you tonight?

A longer pause passes, and Piper wishes she could take it back. Maybe this is a bad idea. But it buzzes again, and Piper flips it open so quickly it escapes from her grasp, bouncing onto the mattress. She snatches it up, like an excited puppy, her eyes scanning over the message quicker than her mind can adequately process.

Alex: Out, but close by. You can come get them whenever.

Alex doesn’t know it, but she’s given Piper exactly the information she was looking for. Piper has a pretty good idea where Alex will be – at one of those bars on the same block. If she remembers correctly, there’s about four or five. If she’s wrong, it’s still not a complete failure.

Piper: Okay.

Piper looks at the clock. 5:14. She gets up, trudges to the mirror, and inspects her appearance. She could really use a shower. Piper rummages through her drawers, much the same way she did last time, almost frantic. It’s not long before her entire wardrobe is tossed onto the bed – each item individually discarded, and she’s left crossing her arms and staring at the mountain of clothes.

“Polly, can I borrow your car tonight?”

….

Piper tries to be as discreet as possible, but sneaking about undetected has never really been her forte. Polly catches her, just as she is about to slide Polly’s keys off the hook, five seconds away from safety.

“If this is a stakeout, I want to come.” Polly requests, crossing her arms defensively.

“It’s not a stakeout!”

Polly raises an eyebrow, not going to be convinced by a simple denial. “Really? Because you reek of stalker guilt.”

“Come on, Polly. This was your idea.”

“I don’t recall instructing you to stalk her, Piper. This is crazy.”

“I know it is. But I have to do it. What’s one more mistake?”

“Jesus, Piper.”

Piper sighs, swinging the keys around her finger. “Look, you’re my best friend, Polly. And you know I would hide a body for you. But I really need to do this. I promise when I get back, I’ll tell you everything.”

Polly sighs, stepping out of Piper’s way. “You better, rebellious Piper Chapman.”

Piper squeals in excitement, pulling Polly into a clumsy hug before bolting out the door. She turns the ignition on, feeling the car start to hum and giving the engine a few seconds to warm up. Her hands are almost shaking - filled with nervous excitement - like an adrenaline rush. It’s more effective than a fourth cup of coffee.

She drives – they’re only a couple of neighbourhoods apart. But everything changes. Two-storey suburban houses turn into high-density living districts, with an apartment block at every intersection. Piper reaches streets she remembers. Record shops crop up – music specialty shops pass every two minutes or so, and she takes a right.

She reaches Alex’s street, spying the bookshop that caught her eye. She passes one bar, and another, and another. And there, almost at the end of the block, is the converted warehouse. Piper pulls over, parking inconspicuously a few paces away, even though Alex wouldn’t have a clue what car she drove. It wasn’t even hers, anyway.

She cuts the ignition, and nervously checks her watch. 7:03. Piper’s not sure why it’s important, but she can’t shake the feeling she’s buying her time. 

You can still go back. You can still drive back, and never see her again. You can return to your boring existence, and always wonder ‘what if’…

Piper squeezes her eyes shut, leaning her forehead against the steering wheel. She’s so conflicted it hurts. 

No.

If she turns back, she knows she’ll regret it. She’ll wonder, and remember, and maybe even fantasize. But she’s got this far – set this up, and so far, executed it. The amount of courage bubbling away in her stomach is more than she can remember. For once, she’s being brave. 

Piper pushes the door open, and forces herself to get out so she won’t turn back on the ignition. She digs her phone into her back pocket, and jams a couple of crumpled notes in the other. Inserts the key and forcefully twists it into lock. 

You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.

Her steps are slow but sure. It’s a Saturday night, so most places are buzzing with activity. She walks into the first bar she comes across, timidly scanning the room and trying not to draw attention to herself. There’s no black hair, no distinct voice to draw her attention. 

She’s not here. 

Piper approaches the bar, but doesn’t take a seat. “What’s your drink?” The bartender asks, as he gives the man beside her a refill. “Oh. Um, I was just wondering if there was any entertainment on tonight. Somewhere close to here?” It’s more than a little clumsy, and Piper can feel the bartender casting judgement. Piper wishes she had the foresight to have a question ready. 

“There’s some Burlesque thing over at The Barking Spider. If that’s your thing.” Piper feels her chest swell. It seems like the kind of thing Alex would go to. “Is that close?” The bartender gives a nod, pointing towards the door. “You go left, and it’s the one right next to Planet.” 

Piper passes Planet, sucking in a shaky breath. In bold letters, the words The Barking Spider are displayed above the door, in traditional old-English pub style. There’s a yellow sign in the window – the words “Saturday Evening Burlesque” the only thing Piper can register. She forces her legs to co-operate, orienting herself towards the door. She swallows harshly, heartbeat in her throat. Piper pushes on the wood of the door, feeling the dull thuds of the sound system transport her into what feels like an underwater world. 

Almost immediately, Piper can feel Alex’s presence. It grabs at her, weighs her down, and she just knows she’s here. It’s her voice that gives away her position, and Piper automatically lowers her head to hide her identity. But Alex’s back is facing Piper, and so Piper just forces herself to keep walking, slipping right past her. There’s a seat at the bar, and she takes it immediately, ordering a wine so she doesn’t look completely conspicuous. 

And then it sets in. Just how crazy and impulse-driven this plan was. She hadn’t really thought past this point. The plan was to find her, and she’d done that. There’s also Sylvie to consider. Something Piper had also had failed to account for.

Piper risks a look, glancing over to the table, watching Sylvie cling protectively onto Alex. She looks uncomfortable, and moves around a fair bit. Piper wonders whether she’s attempting to subtly throw her off. 

She’s unlikely to be detected, but the thought of Sylvie spotting her is enough to make her want to hide – she doesn’t want another bruise plastered onto her cheek, just a few days before she starts out at a new job. 

And so she just waits. She listens to Alex suggest a game of quarters. Someone call for a round of shots. Time ticks. Time passes. And Piper begins to get uneasy. Her idea seems crazier and crazier by the minute. She considers leaving, but she’ll have to walk right past Alex, and there’s no way she won’t be seen.

She’s cornered. 

“Oh, that was terrible!” Alex laughs, clapping her hands together. She takes the shot, bitterness flooding through her body, making her shiver. “Whew!” Alex moves, sliding off the chair, muttering something about a bathroom. Piper whips back around, her hair covering her face. She feels Alex behind her, and averts her eyes downwards. 

Piper watches Alex turn towards the bathroom, and decides it’s her chance. Her only chance. But her legs won’t co-operate. She stays rooted to the spot. It takes her almost a minute before she can slip off the chair and take several tentative steps forward. 

There’s a moment where her throat tightens, and her voice is lost. When it returns, it surfs along a breath, and it’s so small and fragile she’s not sure if Alex will catch it. “Hey.”

Alex turns, and Piper smiles, a strange burst of happiness replacing her nerves. There’s something about Alex’s presence that pulls her in, and makes it feel like it’s the place to be. It intoxicates her, makes her fuzzy and sharp at the same time.

Surprise glints in Alex’s eyes, and her eyebrows quirk. She almost smiles, and Piper feels relief flood over her. 

Alex wants to see her.

Her glance drops, and Piper can feel a hole being ripped through her chest. Alex isn’t shy in her deliberate looks – she makes it blatantly clear what she wants, and what she desires. Piper first noticed it at that bottleshop. Her eyes work their way up, studying every detail, and lingering. But this time, her eyes flicker quickly back up to Piper’s face.

“Hey.” Alex echoes.

Alex leans forward, looking back towards the table. But Sylvie’s attention is still diverted as she lights up a cigarette, taking a drag. Confusion etches onto her features, working out Piper’s movements. She knows it’s not coincidence. But it was also very clever – and Alex isn’t entirely sure how Piper managed to pull it off.

“What are you doing here?” Alex probes, but it only really plays to the false pretences that surround them. She knows the answer. Of course she does. But she’s determined to make Piper admit it.

Piper averts her gaze, looking pointlessly to the left. Alex holds her captive, raising her eyebrows with a cocky smile. It’s so pointed, from her tone to her grin, that Alex knows exactly what she’s doing here. Every second Piper doesn’t respond gives Alex a little more power. Alex gives her a look, and for a moment Piper feels stripped of everything. It reminds her of an incident when she was five or six, sliding some sugared treat off the table, and stashing it under the tablecloth, under her mother’s stern eye. 

Piper turns sheepish under Alex’s omniscience. The poster grabs her attention, and Piper realises it’s her escape. “Oh. I just, um, I heard about the burlesque show.” Piper replies, trying to sound as convincing as possible. She looks back to Alex, the way she always does when she’s looking for reassurance that her lie is working. But Piper knows Alex can see right through her, so she doesn’t try to suppress the smile that tugs at her lips.

“Oh.” Alex chuckles.

“You?”

“My friend Rachel’s in it. She does this routine with a Ray Romano puppet…” Alex trails off, realising she needs some sort of justification for that statement, because when said in isolation, borders on ludicrous. Piper just nods, but her blank eyes give her away – she’s trying too hard to have any idea what Alex is talking about. 

“It’s surprisingly sexy.” Alex laughs, and Piper cracks up too, quickly descending into a short fit of snickered giggles. She’s not laughing at the joke – she’s laughing at Alex, and all the while, demonstrating just how much of an effect Alex has on her.

Eventually it dissipates, and Alex can feel the atmosphere change, morph into something almost honest. Alex brushes her hair out of her face, so it doesn’t obstruct her vision. Piper’s line of sight drops, firmly gluing itself to her lips for a few fleeting seconds, before flickering back up. It holds the unsaid question – the one they have skilfully avoided, deviated away from, or blatantly ignored. It’s obvious. Tangible.

Alex wishes there were no more words, just actions to solve all the doubts and reveal what felt like truth. Alex reads her expression, seeing desire and want reflecting back at her, but trying to pinpoint exactly where from. It’s a good deal of the way to full-blown eye fucking by the time Alex feels guilt rise from her stomach, reminding her this is wrong before she has the impulsive opportunity to reach over and kiss her.

For her own selfish purposes, or more specifically, to clear her conscience of moralistic conflictions, Alex finds herself getting brutally honest.

“Ugh. Look, I’m really sorry about that night Piper.” Alex confesses, free of the stumbling and poorly executed excuses from the last time she saw Piper. Apologies aren’t really her thing, but Alex strongly maintains that she owes Piper one, and it feels almost liberating to finally say it. “I’m not a shady person.” 

She wishes she could go further, explain why she had made the choices she had, why she hadn’t dumped Sylvie the minute she’d lashed out, yelling insults and throwing punches. But just like last time, she’s still bound by an oath of secrecy, and she just can’t put that at stake. 

Now would be the time to get angry. Now is your opportunity to express at least some of that rage you stubbornly refused to let go of. The anger and disgust at the situation Alex placed you in, turning you into a cheater. The resentment you feel about how you never wanted to be that person. 

Piper tries to dredge it up, sure that it must be locked away somewhere, because she’d love to give Alex a piece of her mind right now. 

But it doesn’t come. There’s no anger left, or maybe Alex sounds so sincere that anger feels out of place. Somewhere along the line, somewhere in all that angst and confusion and tedious over-analysing that has consumed her existence over the past two weeks, Piper has already forgiven her.

“Oh, come on. Don’t worry about it.” Piper directs another absent glance back to the bar, almost mechanically. But she’s not quite as invisible as she’d like to be, and it’s a little scary being in Sylvie’s general line of sight. She shifts her position, moving up against the wall and resting her back against it. 

“I mean, I’ve never been punched before. It was probably a good life experience.” It’s a little too casual, and it fails to capture how much it punctured your ego, or how much you whinged about it when you finally got home and studied the red mark in the mirror. 

Alex gives an amused laugh, but it’s mostly amusement at Piper, rather than what she said. Piper likes that – the way Alex finds her lame excuse for humour entertaining. Not a lot of people do.

It dies away, and Alex still feels unsatisfied, because she wants Piper to know the truth. “I meant it when I said that things were complicated…” Alex explained, stressing the ‘complicated’ and leaving it to linger in the air. 

There were so many possibilities to what that might mean, and so Piper follows her eyes, searching for the reflection of truth. Part of her knows that Alex is probably just telling her what she wants to hear – reel her in all over again. 

But Alex is close, really close, and her presence as intoxicating as it is overpowering, and Piper knows she doesn’t have the willpower to think critically about Alex’s words. She just lets herself be swayed by them, entranced by them, hooked and baited. She wants to consumed by Alex all over again, in every sense of the word.

“I’m new to this whole relationship thing, you know. I don’t- “ There’s a break in her speech, and she gives a bit of a shrug. Her lips twitch. And Piper realises something. There’s a little bit of insecurity there, barely more than a hint. It makes sense, too. Alex knows something about everything, or at least, can fake it when her knowledge and experience might fail her. But there are some things you can’t fake if you haven’t experienced them. Alex termed them “relationships”, but was probably more aptly described Alex’s inability to form an emotional connection with anyone.

And Piper’s on the right track. Alex is pretty much clueless, with nothing to draw from and nothing to go by. It pools into a great pit of undercover anxiety she didn’t know she had. “I don’t know the rules…” She finishes off, grimacing a little. 

She could understand if Piper walked away. But Piper doesn’t. She just watches her, transfixed. “That’s the whole problem, isn’t it? Rules aren’t any fun.” Piper’s gaze drops to her lips, and Alex knows exactly what she wants, what she came here for. It fills Alex with something akin to relief – that Piper’s back, making her burst with a fuzzy sensation that makes it a little easier to breathe.

A door clicks open, and someone awkwardly tries to move past. Tension is forced to break as both take tentative steps back as the intruder slips away. Alex closes over the door. The easy flow of conversation has broken – and there’s not a whole lot left to say.

So Piper decides to make a move. She moistens her lips, taking a step forward – moving well into Alex’s personal space. But she needs to put herself there. Because she doesn’t want Alex to move – she wants to keep her cornered. She’s not ready to leave just yet.

She’s still buzzing on the nervous energy that’s been fuelling her the entire night, and it’s about the only thing that keeps her speech going. “Listen, I don’t want to stand in the way of true love. I mean, if that is your future wife out there, by all means, tell me to back off.” 

Piper has her full attention, and Alex listens intently. It’s a little on the rambling side, something she had already suspected was typical for Piper. It’s cute, the way her sentences drag on for too long, repeating over information needlessly. But there’s something about Piper’s voice that she just likes hearing. It’s not overly sexy, or even particularly sweet, but she likes the tone. The way it changes and wavers. The way her brain pays automatic attention, even if her words have no meaning. 

A few moments pass, and Alex has to snap herself out of her daze, realising the actual value behind the words is shallow in her memory. But she wants to hear this, and wants to commit it to memory. 

“But you pursued me…and I liked it.” 

Distantly, Alex thinks some kind of irritation should kick in about being labelled as the pursuer, because it’s not really her tack. It’s a bit of a biased opinion, too. After all, it was Piper who came here tonight, and it was Piper who actually called her, before she swiftly used the opportunity to turn it into a date. But it’s the second part of the statement that really catches her attention. 

She liked it.

It makes Alex so goddamned pleased she made the choices she did. From approaching her at the bar. Suggesting coffee. Passing over her number. Stumbling her way through a shaky date proposal. She doesn’t regret any of it, because it all lead to this – Piper admitting she liked that. And it feels like more of an end game than screwing her does. It holds more weight to it. Makes her feel like this is only the beginning.

Piper doesn’t know where she gets the courage from when she continues, her mouth catching up to her mind, ploughing through the content without a filter. She’s not sure whether or not it’s a good idea to spill this much information.

It could so easy be taken advantage of.

“I’ve-I’ve never felt…” It trails off, and the rest of the sentence is left unspoken. 

But Alex catches on surprisingly quickly, and her eyes are almost interrogating before she raises her eyebrows and flashes an all-too-smug grin. It’s so arrogant and goddamn pleased with herself that Piper can feel Alex thinking ‘well whaddya know’.

Piper decides to try again, this time from a different angle – one less likely to feed Alex’s ego. But that proves almost impossible. “You know, I’ve never really thought of myself as a very sexual person, but-” Her eyes immediately drop and linger on Alex’s lips, and Alex wonders how much longer Piper’s going to dance around the point, because she’s starting to get desperate.

Hearing Piper say these things is sending her into overdrive. It’s not all that dirty; it’s not even filled with promise. It’s subtle and hinting, but by the same token, it’s practically begging. Alex wants to just close the distance and just kiss her, because that would be answer enough. But she wants to hear Piper finish. She wants to know just how much this has been thought over, analysed, from every angle and every perspective. She wants to know just how good she was – how she made Piper question everything she thought she knew about sex, how her past experiences positively paled in comparison. 

“Ever since…”

There’s a pause, and her tone changes into something darker. Piper shifts slightly, moving close to Alex’s ear. And like it’s the darkest secret she possesses, Piper whispers, “I wanna taste what you taste like.”

Alex just melts. The words are so soft, like velvet against her ear, that her eyes close shut automatically, and for a brief second it feels like she has no control over her own body. It’s got to be the best thing ever whispered into her ear. For some complicated and indecipherable reason, it makes Alex feel like it’s first touch. It’s faintly scary, because the instant her brain processes those words, desire surges through her veins, hot and powerful and without restraint. Piper is touching her in ways she’s never been touched before – in deeper ways, where people have never ventured. 

Alex feels open. A little vulnerable. More than a little insane.

Piper’s hair tickles against her cheek as she pulls away from her ear, and Alex has to resist the urge to just melt right into Piper – right into her skin.

Alex flicks her hair back. She tilts her head, watching Piper’s expectant eyes. She brings her hand up to Piper’s neck, holding her in place. She doesn’t hover. The distance closes, and she pulls Piper to her as she finds her lips. She feels Piper respond almost immediately, and one of them inhales sharply as everything becomes entirely focused on just how good it feels to have this again. 

Piper sinks into her, desperately trying to feel more of Alex, and determined not to let go. Alex quickly realises she’s going to need two hands to steady her. Her hand leaves the support of the wall and grasps Piper’s jaw, forcing Piper to stay put and depriving her of the opportunity to take a breath. 

It not enough, and both can feel it. It was just a taste of a much larger hunger that burst to life. Piper releases a moan, and whether it’s one of oxygen deprivation or desire, she can’t tell. Alex releases her – grip loosening so Piper can pull away, and try to suck in all the air of the bar. 

And it still doesn’t feel like enough.

Alex returns to her lips almost immediately, a little more forceful than before as she urges Piper back against her lips. Piper raises her hand, brushing against Alex’s sleeve as Alex feverishly tries to deepen the kiss, her hand grasping Piper’s jaw and tugging her tighter until there’s no more space to push and pull against. Alex moans into her mouth – there’s not the slightest bit of restraint or resolve left in her, and it feels like all the matters is communicating just how much she wants Piper.

They twist – both trying to reach new depths. Piper’s hand darts up to cup her cheek, and Alex immediately drops her own, blindly grasping for the swell of Piper’s breast under her palm. She misses – and it comes off more as a grope, but she doesn’t care. She needs to feel Piper under her hands, have her pressed up against her body, and feel her heat radiate and her chest rise and fall against her own. And by the looks of things, Piper is just as eager. It breaks – just enough time for both to get their breath back. Piper holds her in place, catching her lips again until Alex pulls away, finding the door handle. 

The sound of the handle being pulled down sounds almost liberating – and it’s an absolute godsend that they’ve chosen to start this right here, because neither is capable of waiting more than a second longer. Alex doesn’t hesitate. She pulls open the door, taking Piper’s hand and tugging her inside. She flashes a seductive grin back at Piper, but Piper only manages to look around nervously, wondering if anyone had spotted them. 

Alex is so full of nervous energy that she doesn’t even complain when Piper fails to shut the door behind her – which if she was so worried about getting caught, was probably a good idea. Alex pulls the door shut herself, fumbling around for the lock. She barely manages to secure it before Piper pulls her back, forcing her against the bathroom wall before kissing her again. It’s faster this time – like they’re both riding some nervous high. Alex sweeps her tongue urgently between Piper’s lips, memorising the way she tastes. 

“You’ve been drinking.” Alex murmurs, detecting alcohol on Piper’s tongue. It’s a stupid comment to make, really, considering their location. Her lips curl into a grin as Piper pulls away just long enough the reply, “So have you.” Yes, she had. And sauvignon blanc should never be mixed with shots of vodka, but it was getting mixed up anyway; and the way it tasted on Piper’s tongue made Alex believe it was the best alcoholic combination on earth. 

There’s not a lot of time, and they’re both rushing this a little. The danger that seems to lurk outside the door speeds up their kisses and turns them borderline aggressive. Any moment Piper expects to hear a heavy rap on the door, and have to tear herself away from Alex.

But it doesn’t come.

Piper jams her thigh in between Alex’s, and there’s a mutual groan at the contact. She presses further in, a considerable amount of her body weight transferred. There’s an explosion of heat from being right up against Alex, and it’s almost unbearable. Breath becomes a necessity, and Piper is forced to break earlier than Alex wants. So Alex just pulls her right back – the air Piper managed to catch falling into Alex’s mouth. Both hands dart up to grasp Piper’s jaw, making her comply – to deepen, to twist, to move in any way Alex wants her.

She’s not sure whether it’s the hazy oxygen deprived state, but her senses heighten, and Piper becomes all too aware of just how easy it would be to get caught. This is a public bathroom. Sylvie is going to wonder where Alex has disappeared to. They haven’t exactly left the puzzle of the century. But Alex feels so good – so fucking good, and she remembers why she’s here – how she couldn’t resist coming here tonight. There’s so many unanswered questions that seem to tug at Piper – so many why’s and where’s and what if’s. 

Alex seems to catch on to Piper’s distraction, and breaks away momentarily to look at her face. She tilts up Piper’s chin, giving her no option but to meet Alex’s eye. It’s the first time Piper has actually looked at her face without having to fret about finishing her sentences or how close the distance was. It’s like she’s seeing Alex for the first time. She’s had so many thoughts about Alex. She’s felt the pang of attraction when Alex casts her a glance. She’s felt the intimidation of just how strong and guarded Alex was. But she’s never looked at her like this. Shorter strands of hair frame her face perfectly; her eyes appear a slightly darker shade than usual. 

She’s so beautiful.

“It’s okay.” Alex promises. It’s so convincing, all Piper can do is believe her. Her lips return – but this time, unbelievably soft. She’s coaxing her, dissolving all Piper’s doubts and reservations until there’s nothing left. Alex is so tender this time it pulls at her heartstrings, and Piper wishes she never has to let go.

It doesn’t last long. It turns frenzied and heated, and Alex moves her hands down to Piper’s hips, holding her close. Piper moans against Alex’s mouth, and Alex is completely undone. Alex breaks away, throwing her head back against the tiles and snapping her eyes open. Her breathing is ragged, and Alex can’t remember ever being so achingly turned on. It’s way too much. It’s way too powerful, too perfect. Alex’s concentration falls away; she’s so intoxicated by Piper it makes her dizzy.

Piper kisses her jaw, and Alex reflexively tilts as her mouth trails the underside of her chin. It’s so exquisite Alex drags her hands up Piper’s back, her fingernails running against the material of Piper’s satin top. Alex gasps. She can tell she’s going to be screaming by the time Piper gets even close to the main attraction.

She catches a glimpse at their reflection cast in the mirror – and her eyes immediately focus on the sight. There’s Piper, pressed up against her, her knee jammed between her legs, bracketed by her own. She loves the sight, and tries to memorise it – the way they look, entangled in each other’s bodies. She watches, her hands running down Piper’s back before slipping into her back pockets. Alex grinds, hands squeezing Piper into her so she can’t squirm away. 

Piper reaches the juncture of her shoulder, biting down harshly before sucking at it. It’s sure to leave a mark, and Alex hisses at the pain. Hands begin to wander, and Alex’s top is nudged up, fingertips grazing against her skin. It’s torturous, how slow Piper’s fingers move, leaving a trail of goosebumps over all the spots she touches. Alex squeezes Piper’s ass through her jeans before slipping away, lifting her arms up as Piper pulls the t-shirt over her head. 

Piper grins, her vision cloudy as her hands trace across Alex’s collarbone, not so subtly skimming over the tops of her breasts. Alex levels her gaze to her, noticing how utterly pleased Piper looks right now - able to get this reaction out of Alex. She’s confident in her touch - so confident that Alex can’t help but wonder if Piper has been thinking about this for a while. Alex pulls her closer, finding her lips and biting down softly. But Piper’s having none of it - because she knows if she lets Alex continue to be the one in control, she’ll forget all about what she came here for. 

Piper’s hand reaches for the button of Alex’s jeans, and is mildly frustrated to find the cool metal of a belt buckle. She eases it through, the loops giving way as it slips past. Alex’s breath hitches as Piper watches her closely, committing her every reaction to memory. Piper loves the effect she has, how she’s slowly unravelling Alex, making her slowly drop her guard, and gradually lose herself. The belt slips out from the final restraining loops, and Piper lets it drop. Alex’s unsteady breathing becomes almost laboured, as she covers her face with her hand, frustrated by how aroused she is, and how slow Piper insists on going. “Christ, Piper.”

Her voice is rougher than gravel, furious with agitation. Piper gives her a look, gaging just how much farther she can push Alex. She drops to her knees, and Alex watches, awestruck. Piper’s hands skate up Alex’s exposed stomach, feeling her muscles quiver under her touch. Piper kisses her abdomen, chaste at first, but growing as she hears Alex gasp. Alex’s hands thread through blonde locks, urging her to continue. Piper works lower, delivering random, open-mouthed kisses wherever she wants. 

“Piper-“ Alex growls, stern as Piper’s mouth closes near the band of her jeans. Her voice turns breathy as she throws her head back, muttering several incoherencies that all Piper thinks she hears is fuck and please.

Piper unbuttons the metal nub so she can get to the zip. She eases it down, feeling Alex’s hands tighten in hair. Her movements are so on impulse that Piper can’t see through the giddiness to think about the fact that she hasn’t done this before. Piper pulls the material of Alex’s jeans down, and Alex arches back from the wall. Alex assists her, trying to rid them as soon as possible. Her underwear follows, and Alex snaps her eyes shut in anticipation. 

She slumps a little against the wall, as Piper finally gets her jeans down just enough. And then, there’s nothing. Piper just stops. 

“Time would be of the essence right now, Piper.”

Piper chuckles, encouraging Alex to lift her leg over her shoulder. Alex complies, steadying herself. Tentatively, Piper gets closer, until her breaths fall lightly against Alex’s core. Instinctively, Alex tenses at the contact. This was the defining moment Piper had been anxious about. But it was Alex, and out of all people she could be doing this with, Piper wanted it to be her. Alex senses her timidity, and tilts Piper’s jaw to look at her. “You okay? Because, you know, you really don’t have to.”

Piper can feel the honesty behind Alex’s words, and it sets her at ease. “Yeah. Just…just coach me through it?”

Alex nods, her hands weaving their way back into Piper’s hair. Her head falls back against the tiles in anticipation. Piper traces indeterminable patterns across her inner thigh, and Alex has to try hard not to lose it right there. Piper kisses her right against her core, with just the right amount of pressure. She does it again, letting her tongue dart out just a little. Alex has to bite her lip to suppress a cry, because Piper’s too languid, too chaste. But all it does it create more tension - more frustration - and in the end, only increases Alex’s need. Her tongue eventually ventures between her folds, dragging upwards. Alex shivers, whispering yes as Piper surrounds her clit. 

Alex brings her closer, forcing Piper to increase the level of friction, urging her on. The tip of her tongue brushes against her, and Alex’s grip tightens in response. She mutters something Piper can’t decipher, but she takes it as a go-ahead, her tongue swirling around it. Alex watches the reflection in the mirror – the image is so erotic she can feel herself rating this as one of the best, etching it into her memory. Piper works her ever closer, not needing much instruction. She responds to the way Alex’s muscles tighten and spasm, the pattern of her breathing, the way she winds her fingers through Piper’s hair. 

Alex can feel herself growing close – the familiar tingling starting to spread as Piper doesn’t let up – keeping a steady enough pace that Alex can tell it’s only a matter of seconds before she’s overloaded. Alex rolls her head back, muttering please don’t fucking stop over and over as she pulls Piper closer, not ever caring that her death grip will probably pull Piper’s hair out. She’s too worked up to think about anything but how good Piper feels against her, how absolutely drenched she is, and how fucking quickly she’s cumming.

Piper senses how close she is, and her movements speed up a little. She sucks at her clit before kissing it softly. Alex bucks her hips, and Piper responds by rubbing her tongue against her, sucking and licking until Alex arches into her touch. A hand tangled in Piper’s hair flies upwards to cover her mouth, and the other grips at Piper’s shoulder, steadying herself. 

The coil winds tighter and tighter, until Alex can’t hold it back anymore. Something bursts, and ecstasy washes over her in waves. Alex bites her palm; because it’s about the only thing she can do to prevent herself from crying out. Piper grabs Alex’s hips to steady her, keeping her against her mouth until Alex just can’t take it anymore. Muscles spasm uncontrollably, and Piper finally lets up, giving Alex one last open-mouthed kiss against her before withdrawing completely. 

Alex releases a moan, letting her hand drop from covering her mouth. Piper begins to pull up her jeans, sliding them over her thighs before Alex does the rest. She’s so goddamned spent all Alex can do is sink down the wall, her eyes half closed and her mouth with a small upturned smirk as she gathers Piper up in her arms. “That was so fucking amazing.” Alex admits, still dazed from post-climax euphoria. 

She doesn’t want to move. She’s so exhausted, she just wants to stay here, on the wooden floor of this bathroom, with Piper’s contagious warmth making her feel that perhaps this is more than just lust and desire. Piper brushes the hair out of Alex’s mouth, her fingertips lingering to map the planes of her face. “It was okay?” Piper asks, still looking unsure. Alex laughs, although she’s not sure where she gets the energy. 

“Okay doesn’t even begin to cover it, kid.” She pulls Piper closer, delivering lazy kisses against her lips. The phrase better than you know runs through her mind, closely followed by better than I want to admit.

Time passes, and Alex slowly recovers. She’s got to leave soon, because they’ve been in here far too long, and frankly, it’s a miracle nobody’s come looking for her. Alex isn’t sure how she went two whole weeks without Piper in close proximity, and now that she’s here, Alex doesn’t want to let go. She thinks up a plan, a sketchy one, and hopes to god Piper will take her up on it.

“Can I see you tomorrow?”

Tomorrow’s awfully near, but Piper no longer has reservations about this, and so she blindly jumps at the opportunity. “Yeah.” Piper tries not to think about Sylvie. Tries not to think about how she’s willingly participating in this now – no longer the innocent, oblivious party. “Sure you can survive that long?” Piper teases, quirking an eyebrow at Alex. 

No. She wasn’t. But what could she do? There had been no word on the shipment Fahri had insisted she wait for. It was way overdue, and it was pushing Alex to breaking point – making her feel like she’d been working towards false deadlines. “I’ll find a way.” Alex sighs, slightly disappointed at the prospect of having to wait until tomorrow. 

Piper snickers, handing Alex her shirt. She pulls it on, before hooking her hands around the backs of Piper’s knees, pulling her further into her lap. “Okay, I’ll go first. Stay here for a few minutes before you leave.” Alex instructs, but not supporting her statement with any physical movements to back it up. 

“Uh-uh.” Piper kisses her again, slow and steady, as though she just wants to memorise that moment. Alex responds, her hands slipping under Piper’s shirt and resting at her waist. “You should go.” Piper says between kisses, trying to squirm away from Alex’s hands as her thumbs start to trace patterns on her bare skin. 

“I should go.” Alex repeats. 

Alex doesn’t shift. She stays completely still, save for the circular caresses against Piper’s abdomen, and her lips as they softly brush. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Piper mumbles, breathy as Alex gets a little more heated with her kisses. 

“Mmhm.” 

Alex’s heart really isn’t in leaving. She dips into a state of denial as she continues to stay locked in the embrace, childishly wishing that if she just stays here, everything else - everyone else - will just go away. “Stop that.” Piper insists, as Alex’s hands start to run up and down her sides, making her shiver. Alex just laughs against her lips, making a not-willing-to-comply sound.

Eventually Piper has to roll off Alex to get her to stop, sitting beside her against the cool tiles. Alex sighs, clearly disappointed. She adjusts her jeans, closing the zip and securing the button before working her belt back through the loops. She does it up, before turning to Piper, brushing her hair and kissing her cheek. It’s her cue to go.

Alex gets up, glancing in the mirror as she fixes her hair and pulls down her top, removing all signs that might give her away. She takes a deep breath and adjusts her glasses. “What about your shoes?” Alex asks, remembering why Piper needed them. 

Piper crinkles her brow, trying to remember why Alex brought it up. Oh, right. “About that.” Piper begins, sheepishly averting her eyes. “I was, uh, bullshitting.” Alex looks momentarily surprised, muttering huh under her breath. How about that.

Piper is pulled to her feet, and Alex doesn’t let go of her hands. “Clever.” Alex admitted, impressed by Piper’s rather deceptive plan. “It worked.” Piper replies, before shuffling closer, pulling Alex into a kiss. It’s short and sweet, and Alex breaks it off, giving Piper one last look before she unlocks the door and leaves. 

Piper leans against the back of the door, a satisfied smirk plastered on her face. Part of her can’t believe that just happened. It felt so unreal – such a reckless thing to do. But it’s given Piper the answer she’s been searching for. It’s more than enough.


	5. Chapter Five

Piper feels like a giddy teenager all over again. Filled with a nervous energy that makes her movements quicker and less definite. She’s tripped three times already today; around corners she is so familiar with, she’s had better luck evading in the dark. It’s all impulse – all her thoughts, decisions, and lingering doubts. 

They flood by in an onslaught, clouded by excitement and anticipation. And in the end, everything just feels so damn irrelevant. Because she’s doing this. She wants to do this. It’s some twisted form of adventure, but she’s chasing after it anyway. It’s wrong, but Piper doesn’t doubt for a second. 

Something has failed to activate – some moral guilt or ethical inconsistency that should send alarm bells ringing. The stuff that would send painful pangs right through her as a kid – when you forgot to get parental forms signed for some school trip, so you signed it yourself. Your hand shook as you went to hand it in. Your face gave you away completely. Or when you started skipping college classes, because the boys you fell into bed with the night before wanted you to stay. And you knew how horrified your parents would be. It’s like that now. Because Piper knows this is wrong. Slightly disconcerted that there’s no guilt to back her up. 

It’s just…gone.

It’s no longer there, like when you walk up a street you thought you knew, and it turns abruptly into a dead end. There’s always a strange emptiness there, some strange space for emotion left blank. But in a way, it’s kind of liberating. There’s no burden to carry around and dwell over. Instead you have the freedom to make your choices. Act on what you want. And nothing weighs on your shoulders. Nothing pinches at you. Nothing reminds you just how wrong you are.

She checks her appearance in the mirror – once, twice, and once more for good measure. Her phone hums with an incoming message, and Piper practically hurls herself towards it.

Alex: Get your ass out here.

She’s here. She’s actually here. 

Piper all but bolts for the door - heavy footsteps trampling over the wooden floorboards. She calls out to Polly, something about going out, but no specification as to where or when she’ll be back. Piper makes sure she’s fast, because Polly’s already highly suspicious about what she’s up to. And she hasn’t gotten to the bit about explaining yet.

The door slams, and Piper doesn’t even bother to attempt the lock, skipping towards the car stationed right in front of the house. It takes the shape of an old, rather beat-up looking Daihatsu, and Piper can make out several scratches along the sides. A dent or two at the corner of the bumper. It strikes her as odd, or perhaps, just something she considered incompatible with Alex. 

From what she had gathered, Alex had wealth. An abundance of it. Surely she could afford more than, well…this. It feels otherworldly. Like from a past so separated from her current self, the two can hardly exist in the same reality. 

But Piper doesn’t think further before she practically falls into the car. Alex looks slightly taken aback, and it’s almost as if she can sense Piper’s restlessness. And excitement. And nervous energy she’s exuded all morning. 

Alex grins. “Hey.”

“Hey!” Piper echoes back, slightly more enthusiastically. It’s hasty and eager. And her face is freshly flushed, and it’s not helping the illusion of calm Piper she would like to project. Alex bites her lip, gaze levelled with Piper’s in a way that seems to almost beckon. “Get over here…” Alex prompts her, leaning across the seat and grasping Piper’s jaw, kissing her. 

Somehow, it’s better than she remembers. There’s so much more passion and softness there that Piper just can’t memorise. But she shape of Alex’s lips is starting to feel familiar. The way she moves her lips, glides her tongue and tilts her head. Piper tries to resist the urge to pull Alex across the console. People could see. This neighbourhood doesn’t hold secrets. And it certainly won’t hold Alex. 

Alex reluctantly pulls away, biting her lip. “Wanna go?” she asks, turning the ignition back on. Piper nods in affirmative, casting a glance around the car. “Where are we going?”

Good question. To be honest, Alex really hadn’t thought that far. To be brutally honest, she was a little too distracted by the mere prospect of seeing Piper. That was direction enough. Think fast. “Uh, I don’t know. There’s this great cinema near where I live. You wanna see something?” 

“Sure,” Piper agrees. She doesn’t really think about it – she doesn’t care where Alex takes her. It could be anywhere, and as long as Alex was right there beside her, it wouldn’t make the slightest difference to Piper. Alex pulls out onto the road, easing away from the brake. Piper gets a feel for her driving style – and it’s very much like her – confident and purposeful, kind of fast, yet always easy transitions without ever needing to apply the brake abruptly, or go through awkward gear changes. 

Piper looks around the car, noting the various cassette tapes scattered on top of the dashboard, on the floor, and on the back seat. The leather’s worn, and Piper finds herself playing with the frayed material of the seat. She likes the car. It’s not fancy like her parent’s ones, where you were never allowed to touch anything. But Alex’s car clearly wasn’t viewed as an investment. It was hers. There were fingerprints on the windows, and scuffmarks against the door. It was used, but at the same time, loved. And it was so much better than something you couldn’t touch, something that never really belonged to you, but was hostage to the next buyer, the one with the largest credit limit.

“I like your car,” Piper comments, picking up a knocked-over stack of tapes and browsing through the labels. Alex looks unsure, and for a moment Piper thinks maybe she shouldn’t have said anything. But she’d meant it genuinely, and wants Alex to know it.

“Is that sarcasm?” Alex questions, keeping her eyes fixed on the road.

“No! No, I meant it.” Piper blurts, her words jumbled together. She picks out a tape that’s simply labelled with June ’89 and turns it over in her hands. 

“Well, it’s the only car I’ve ever owned. I should get another one, but…I’m kind of attached to it.” It sounds a little like a justification to Piper, like Alex feels obligated to have a shiny new one, just because the current one is a bit battered. Immediately, Piper senses that there’s some sort of insecurity Alex has towards material possessions and wealth. Piper wants to ask, find out why. But she can tell she’s struck a nerve, and thinks better of it. 

Alex looks over at Piper, the mixtape still in her hands. “You can play that, if you like.” 

Piper gives a smile. “Really?” 

Alex scoffs, giving Piper a look. “Think I’m going to make you endure the trip in silence or something?” It’s enough to render Piper speechless. She’s tempted to mutter, “Well, no”, but it feels silly. 

“What is it?”

Alex holds her hand out, and Piper passes over the cassette. Alex flips it over, scrutinising the writing she’d written on it a long time ago. She used to remember what was on every tape – every song, every damn chord progression. All memorised. But she stopped paying so much attention once she’d gone to see Death Mane, when her whole world just cracked. She didn’t just throw away all the cassettes poisoned by them. She trashed them. Ripped out the tape right off the rollers. Crumpled it all up like tangled Christmas lights. Burnt them.

“Not sure. Play it anyway.” 

Piper presses eject, and another anonymous tape pops out. “You want this anywhere?” Alex glances at it, trying to place the content of the tape Piper holds up. “Anywhere there’s room.” Piper unlatches the glove compartment, but it’s overflowing with tapes, and there’s absolutely no space for even a single tape to be shoved inside. “Gosh. Are you a hoarder?”

“There’s twenty-four years worth of mixtapes in here. It’s more of a collection.” Alex explains, smirking at Piper’s awkward attempts at finding a home for the tape. “Impressive.” Piper muses, inserting in the tape she’d earmarked. Joy Division’s Disorder bursts forth, and Alex instantly recognises it within a second. “Joy Division.” Alex indicates. “You know it?”

Piper shakes her head, racking her brain to remember if she’s ever heard it before. But it’s unfamiliar. “No.”

“Well, it’s good. Sort of a classic.” Piper nods, trying to establish whether she likes the song. It’s quite far removed from what she usually listens to, which is usually whatever Polly’s currently hooked on. But she kind of likes it.

She pays attention to the lyrics, catching I’ve got the spirit, lose the feeling, let it out somehow. The music isn’t in top form, not from Alex’s bad-quality speakers anyway, and it comes out a little crusty. Piper sees Alex cringe a little as she mutters “Sorry about the sound quality.”

They fall into a comfortable rhythm, and the songs tick over, with Alex pointing out more well-known ones Piper might recognise, including Aerosmith’s Sweet Emotion and Guns ‘n Roses’ Sweet Child ‘O Mine. A couple feel vaguely familiar, and Piper knows she’s heard them before, but it’s the kind of familiar that’s so distant you just can’t place. You might have heard it before. In the background of a pub or in a store. But you can’t isolate it from the jumble of frayed memories that blend together in your mind.

“I’m definitely taking you to a record store after.” Alex declares, clearly more than a little appalled at Piper’s lack of ‘solid’ musical education. Alex makes a right, drives the length of the block, and turns left. She parks, putting her hand on the back of Piper’s seat as she judges the distance between the car behind her. 

….

There’s a couple of choices, but the titles wash over Piper without making the slightest impact, and so she eventually handballs it to Alex to make the final decision. She settles on Wes Anderson’s The Royal Tenenbaums, telling Piper she thinks she’ll like it. 

Piper asks if she’s seen it already, and Alex says “no”, but she’s familiar with the director, and he’s pretty predictable. Already, Piper begins to feel a little overwhelmed. Alex knows everything about music, the years they were first live performed, little trivia facts, and apparently, has a great deal of knowledge about film. She’s expecting to trail behind Alex’s knowledge, fail to be able to read a film the same way she can, which is ironic, because Piper is the one that’s studied film. 

Right on cue, Alex senses Piper’s hesitation, and catches her elbow just as they are about to enter the theatre. “You okay?” Piper nods, torn between admitting she feels less-than, and pretending she doesn’t. Alex scans the cinema – it’s pretty much empty, save for a group of stoned dropouts taking up almost an entire row, and smaller clutters randomly scattered around. “Got a preference?” 

“Wherever you like.” Piper chooses third from the back, and Alex has got to admit she’s rather pleased with the choice. 

The feature begins, and Piper just lets the images flicker by in a haze of colour, the precise composition of every frame intrinsically satisfying. She shuffles closer, creating a comfortable pressure of their shoulders touching. Alex lifts up the armrest, letting Piper lean against her. It makes Piper feel giddy all over again. She never did the whole movie date thing, and it feels like she’s making up for lost time. But Alex is better than any boy trying to put their arm stealthily over your shoulders. 

A character Piper doesn’t catch the name of quotes ‘I haven’t had sex with a man in eighteen years’, and Alex smugly whispers, “Neither have I” in her ear. 

The Ramones’ Judy Is A Punk filters through, and Piper feels Alex sit up a little straighter, her interest peaked. It cuts off swiftly, and is closely followed by Elliott Smith’s Needle In The Hay. Piper recognises it instantaneously, snapping her fingers. “I know this!” Piper chimes excitedly. Alex grins, pulling Piper close and kissing her. 

It doesn’t break this time; it just keeps on going, with heated kisses that drag out to lazy kisses, and every combination in between. Piper never wants to stop. The rest of the movie passes as more of a backdrop rather than the main attraction, and both get so wrapped up in each other that neither have a clue how it ends. Piper ends up wedged between the seats, half on Alex’s lap. Her lips are bruised by the time the credits begin to roll, and people begin to file out of the cinema. They should probably go.

They are the last to leave, and the attendant casts a half-judgmental stare at Alex, and to prove a point, Alex pulls Piper back to her lips. They reach the pavement outside, grimacing slightly as the harshness of the light temporarily blinds them. 

“So…” Alex starts, kicking a stone away from under her feet before continuing. “You up to explore a record shop, or have you had enough?”

Piper really doesn’t want this day to end. She wants it to go on forever, so she doesn’t ever have to go home. “Definitely record shop.” Alex grins, looking more pleased than a child promised ice cream. “Good.” 

Alex matches the pace Piper sets, and they fall into easy conversation. Alex asks most of the questions. She asks about everything, from meaningless things like what tv programs she watched when she was little, to what kind of job she snagged. It’s like Alex is trying to nut her out – fill in the details that come with investment in a person; make someone a complete picture. Piper starts to dread what questions are coming next. Not that it has anything to do with Alex, but because everyone asks the same ones. What do you want to do with your life, or how are you planning to support yourself.

But Alex never asks. The closest she comes is when they start to talk about Smith, with Piper asking why she spent time on campus, when she wasn’t enrolled. Alex isn’t completely honest – as far as Piper is aware, the comment about ‘working for an international drug cartel’ was a joke. Or a pick-up line. Maybe some diluted form of a half-truth. So she says it was past a girlfriend, which was some version of honest anyway. 

It’s as if those pivotal questions about security and career prospects just aren’t important to Alex. She’d rather know what she thought of the girls at Smith, or whether she ever bribed a professor. It instantly makes Piper more comfortable. 

They stumble upon a record shop, and Piper follows Alex through the aisles, watching as she sifts through the boxes. Alex pulls out the ones she considers worthy, flicking through the others with a startling speed that Piper’s not sure how she manages to register the title before she flips right on past them. Alex mutters the band names and album titles, forming an endless string of information that’s almost soothing. Television, The Clash and Pink Floyd are murmured, croaky, as they never fully leave her throat.

They find records that even Alex hasn’t heard of – obscure collections that look like they’ve done more collecting dust than anything else. Alex turns over each new find carefully, her fingers feather-light as they trace over the packaging, almost caressing it.

Piper can tell when she’s particularly interested in a record – she holds it for much longer, runs her fingers over the cover art and analyses every song title over and over again. Like she’s weighing its value. But Alex’s apartment demonstrated she wasn’t exactly stricken with money, so Piper can’t understand why she doesn’t just buy it anyway.

Eventually, she’s too curious not to ask. “What are you doing?”

Alex doesn’t respond right away – still captivated by what she holds in her hands. “I’m gaging it.” 

“You’re gaging it?”

Alex smiles, catching Piper’s bemused expression. “I’m figuring out whether it’s worth it. Everything I own has been judiciously selected, so I don’t want to ruin that with editions I was only half interested in.”

It makes sense - but it causes Piper to think about all the impulsive purchases she’s made – when there’s only been a handful of tracks she was really interested in, while the others were consistently skipped. It feels like such a waste. Alex slots it back, muttering “not worth it” before moving onto a new section. 

The endless wandering and browsing is soothing, but in the end, Piper grows weary, and she finds herself leaning against whatever surface she can. Alex diligently finishes sorting through an entire genre, and Piper waits at the end, watching the final titles being flipped over, with not much more than a moment’s consideration. 

Piper leans against Alex, her voice giving away her drowsiness. “Let’s go get something to eat.”

Alex knows Piper’s beginning to tire, and there’s a moment where she feels like she’s draining Piper…wearing her out. “Don’t want me to take you home?” 

Piper’s hand brushes against the back of Alex’s, her fingertips encircling around until their fingertips loosely interlock. Her thumb brushes against the palm of Piper’s hand, just to maintain physical contact. It’s reassuring, somehow. “Please don’t,” Piper whispers against her ear.

Piper can’t make a decision on what she wants to eat, so in the end Alex opts to get some Thai. They order it takeaway, duck into a cornershop for some beer, and eventually find a grassy park area. Despite the season, it’s surprisingly warm, and both end up shedding their jackets. Alex watches Piper make a pathetic attempt at using chopsticks to pick up even a single noodle strand, despite the task being made easier from a box. 

Alex can’t help but laugh, as she picks at her own with a practised ease that’s become almost second nature. “Here, let me show you.” Alex offers, stabbing the sticks inside the box so they stand roughly parallel. “Hold them like this.” Alex demonstrates, slowly grasping them between her fingers. She applies just enough pressure to lift out a sizeable amount, declaring “Huzzah” as she successfully gets it into her mouth. 

Piper frowns, and tries again. But she’s not very successful, in the end digging around the plastic bag to find a fork. She looks a little beaten, clearly not happy coming off second best in a challenge against two stationary sticks. 

“That’s not exactly fair, Alex. You’ve gotta have had years of practice.”

Alex laughs at Piper’s grumblings. “I actually got the hang of it quite quickly. But you’re sped along when there’s no spoon or fork to fall back on.” 

It’s clearly a reference to some foreign place, and obviously quite remote, if there’s an absence of western cutlery. The notion bounces around in Piper’s head for a while, thinking about how expanded Alex’s horizons were, and not just by what she’d read or seen in photographs. She’d actually been to these places, smelt the difference in the air. Had the sun seem stronger and the stars feel closer. Experienced things Piper can’t begin to imagine.

Piper finishes off the box, putting it to one side as she takes another swig of beer. She lies down against the grass, her arm raised above her to block out the sun. “Tell me about the places you’ve been.”

Alex looks at Piper curiously. It’s surprising somehow, but the question has never been asked to her before. Her mother doesn’t ask. She avoids all topics associated with the whole drug-career thing. She doesn’t approve, but she never pushes Alex on it, never says anything really. She knows her daughter is smart enough to know the risks, and savvy enough to make her own decision. She knows she has no right to interfere.

And outside the ring - those who don’t really care about where she’s off to or where’s she’s been, that leaves only a handful of other people. Friends she’s kept in contact with. But her job forces her to remain tightly guarded, and her long, sporadic absences are never discussed. No one knows where she goes.

Alex thinks for a moment, letting all the images and emotions and tastes of adventures rush back to her. There’s a lot, an awful lot to remember, so many years and so many trips. “Where do you want me to start?”

“From the beginning.” Piper instructs.

And Alex does start from the beginning. She tells of how her first trip – Malaysia – and how it was her first time on a plane. She didn’t tell anyone that, of course. Malaysia turned into Czech Republic, and she was so mesmerised by Prague that she filled up her camera’s storage within a day, and had to search everywhere for somewhere that sold appropriate memory cards. The following year – 1998 she thinks – was a month-long spit in China. Alex laughs, recalling how thorough Chinese customs were going through Beijing, that they tore her bag apart. But when she exited the land border from Kunming, they had to wait for hours for the idle officials to stamp their passports, determined they could not be let through until precisely midnight. There was a stint in Moscow, but she never got to leave the airport. She tells of street kids in Cambodia, lost backpackers in Jakarta.

The list goes on, and Alex stretches out, her arms supporting her weight as she leans back. Piper comes close, her head resting on Alex’s stomach as she listens intently. The sun is so harsh she’s blinded even with her eyes closed. But Alex’s tales of adventure are so vivid she feels as though it’s all playing out before her. Alex goes on, explaining how she rode around the metro of Berlin aimlessly for hours, before getting off somewhere randomly, and following the intact sections of the Berlin wall. She can even remember the colours of the graffiti – and the way sections had been knocked down hastily in 1989. Alex recounts how parts of the rock still lay scattered – the artwork crumbling and lost. 

Piper notices a distinctive pattern emerging – most of the destinations are focused around South-East Asia or Western European cities. And slowly, Piper begins to fully accept that Alex does indeed work in an illegal industry. She’d suspected it from the moment Alex had told her – but at the time, thought it ludicrous. But then again, there’s nothing more elusive than an obvious fact – hidden in plain sight. And that’s obviously how Alex wanted it.

The way Alex works through the narrative almost anecdotally makes Piper simply embrace it as an inseparable part of Alex. The steady, automatic tale Alex reveals lulls Piper into a state of contentment, and it’s almost enough to put her to sleep. Almost.

Destinations blend together, and Piper’s mind only receives fragments – Paris is mentioned somewhere, and there’s something about a bartering exchange in a market in Vientiane. Saigon is cited along with something about heavy motorcycle traffic, and something about the sweltering heat of Surabaya. Alex stops, mentally recounting the places, until she realises she’s reached the end of the list. They fall into silence, and Alex looks down at Piper, brushing the hair out of her face. “You still awake?”

Piper nods. “I just can’t imagine travelling to all those places. So many adventures…” Piper trails off, falling into a chasm of fragmented illusions of the foreign places Alex has been.

Alex just smiles, tucking threads of hair behind Piper’s ear. The sun begins to lose the strength of its heat for the day, and the light fades as dusk approaches. Piper doesn’t shift. She just stays right there, feeling Alex breathe, watching her face hover above her. The sun’s still too aggressive to allow her to see Alex’s expression, but Piper’s almost certain it’s one of affection.

It grows cold, and goosebumps begin to surface. Piper’s mildly afraid to break the spell. “It’s getting late. I’ll take you home.” Alex stands up, finishing off the half-empty beer bottles lying around. She hoists Piper up, handing her jacket to her as they gather up their possessions and toss away the empty boxes and bottles. 

Alex can feel how goddamned tired Piper is, and so she drapes her arm around Piper’s shoulders, and lets her lean against her. Their pace is slow, as they silently trace their way back to the car, watching the sunlight slink away. On impulse, Alex kisses Piper’s cheek, the softest she’s ever kissed someone. Piper smiles, and leans a little more into her. There’s something about it. It’s soft and barely there, but somehow, it holds so much more weight than any hard, demanding kiss can ever hope to accomplish. 

Both feel dizzy – from the alcohol, from lounging in the sun, from lazily browsing record shops and kissing in darkened movie theatres. But above all, they’re dizzy from each other. From the contagious effect that comes from simply being in the presence of one another. 

They finally make it, and the whole day feels like a marathon. All they have the energy to do is crawl back into Alex’s car. Piper’s half asleep, streetlights transforming into nothing but red and yellow blurs. She doesn’t pay attention to the way – she focuses on Alex, watching as a hand rests lazily down at the lowest point of the wheel, only moving when she has to make a turn. 

Alex pulls over, remembering which house is Piper’s, and cutting the ignition. She sighs, half out of tiredness and half out of exhaustion as she finds Piper staring at her, eyes wide and unfocused. Alex feels like she should say something, maybe I really enjoyed this, or can I see you soon? But they seem like such tremendous understatements that they’re about as useful as flat soda. It’s an unspoken, agreed upon fact, that they’ll see each other soon. 

Probably tomorrow. 

The day after at a stretch. 

On instinct, Piper climbs across the console, her thighs straddling Alex’s, as she sinks against her shoulder. Alex feels like her heart is going to burst out of her chest. Her hands run up and down Piper’s back, in-between her hair. “When are you working?” Alex asks coolly. 

“Tomorrow.” 

Alex becomes disappointed almost immediately, but then remembers her own commitments that she’s ignored the whole day. She needs tomorrow to get everything straightened out.

“We’ll figure it out.” Piper murmurs, half against Alex’s shoulder. She doesn’t move, just stays completely still, basking in just how safe it feels to be draped against Alex. “Come on, kid. I’ve got to drive home,” Alex points out; prompting that Piper can’t stay here forever. Despite how much she wishes she could.

Piper levels her gaze to Alex, noting how her lips are slightly parted, watching whether Piper is going to close the distance. She does, and the fever returns, and she feels her body respond as the kiss gets heated. Both are too tired to do this now. Kisses grow lazy, until all that remains is the brushing of lips, hardly any pressure put behind the movements. 

“Out.” Alex orders, jokingly. 

Piper gives her one last kiss, before reaching around for the door handle and sliding off Alex’s lap. She doesn’t say goodbye, just gives Alex one last look before shutting the door behind her. They’ll call. They’ll figure it out.

When Piper disappears behind the door, Alex can fully appreciate just how different she feels. “Fuck.” She mutters, sighing as she starts the car. Her mind can’t think that much, and she’s grateful for that. She thinks just a little on the way back, just a little about how natural the day had felt. How easy. They just meshed. Broken into a pattern they hadn’t quite done before.

It’s not until she changes her clothes and crawls beneath the covers that she realises she hasn’t managed to shake off the feeling that Piper left on her. It’s stuck there, imprinted on her very skin, gotten into her blood flow. Sylvie stirs, lethargically asking Alex where she’d been. “Work.” Alex claims. Sylvie either buys it, or is not conscious enough to really think about it. 

She’s so tired; her eyes feel heavy and her muscles strained as she places her glasses on the dresser. But sleep doesn’t come. Her mind magically dials back to full capacity, and all of a sudden, she’s playing the day over in her head, rewinding and rewinding again. She’s searching for a moment, the moment, where something changed. Shifted. Parted. Joined. 

She doesn’t find it. She finds other things, like how they created a rhythm that they hadn’t quite broken into previously. She finds things that surprise her, too. Like how their hands wove together in the record shop. How she let Piper rest against her stomach. How she stroked Piper’s hair away from her face. How she was so overcome with the urge to kiss Piper’s cheek, she just does it. So impossibly softly. 

It’s like reflecting on a different person. And it scares her, because it’s too honest for comfort, too close to her heart. The hours pass by, and she’s still deep in thought, wondering where this thing they’ve started is going. Her last conscious thought is how much she wants all her days to be just like today – filled by Piper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check ffn.net from 29/12/14 if you're looking for the quicker update.


	6. Chapter Six

Alex is stuck in a distorted state between sleep and wake when she hears her cell phone buzz against the wooden bedside table. She stirs, blinking until her vision clears, trying to estimate the time. If she’s even been asleep at all.

It’s late. It’s too early for something to glitch with the consignments coming from Bangkok. So it can’t be work. It’s too late to be her mother. Unless something’s wrong.

She casts a look over at Sylvie, but she remains undisturbed by the sound. Alex reaches around for her phone, grimacing at the assault of blinding white light, muttering fuck under her breath. She buries it under the covers to disguise the light, slipping her glasses over her ears. Her vision takes a while to focus, but even before it does, Alex has got a pretty good idea who it’s going to be.

It’s Piper.

Of course it is.

At eleven-fucking-P-M.

Piper: Come over.

It’s not as late as she thought it was. The decision-making process her brain should be engaging in – some form of logic that includes time and circumstance fails to initiate. Alex just reads it as a command, as something she has to do, and doesn’t bother to question it. 

She goes straight into devising a plan to get out of there, as fast and as quiet as she can. She pulls back the covers, swinging her legs over the edge. She rubs her eyes – she’s so fucking tired. But of course, that no longer matters. Alex feels around for the material of her jeans, tugging them up until they hang on their own, not doing them up.

Alex runs over what she needs in her head. She’s not sure what she needs exactly, or how long Piper’s expecting her to stay. She jams her phone into her back pocket, feeling around in the darkness for what clothes she’s left strewn around. Her hand closes around the material of her leather jacket, and she puts it on, lifting up her hair. She finds her sneakers – an old pair of red converse with socks pre-stuffed into them. 

Alex tiptoes carefully out of the room, wincing as a floorboard creaks under her. She scrapes around for her keys in the ceramic bowl, and the keys jangle in protest. It’s loud, too loud to go un-noticed, and Alex hears a rustle behind her. It’s unfortunate, because she’s about five seconds flat of being clear out the door. Into safe territory.

“What are you doing? It’s the fucking middle of the night.”

Alex grimaces, inwardly cursing fuckfuckfuck as she scrambles for a ruse that’s solid enough to seem plausible. “Uh-”

Think, you moron.

“I, um, my brother got himself arrested. I gotta go…bail him out.” Alex informs, attempting to sound mildly irritated. The moment the words leave her mouth, Alex regrets them. She doesn’t have a brother. She wishes she could of thought of something better, something that might give the appearance of requiring more time. But she can’t choose work, because Sylvie’s all too embroiled in that. And that doesn’t leave her too many outs.

Sylvie goes quiet for a second. “Your brother?”

Fuck Alex, you really didn’t think this one through.

Alex nods, pulling on her coat and checking the pocket for the solid weight of her wallet. “What about him?” Alex retorts quickly. It’s a snap, really. It says don’t ask any more questions, and you’re already on my nerves so don’t you dare push this point.

“I didn’t know you had a brother.” It’s soft and quiet, and it’s so uncharacteristic of Sylvie that Alex finds herself squinting to convince herself of their reality. Alex feigns confusion, dumping her keys in her pocket. “You didn’t? I swear I’ve mentioned…Luke before.”

Sylvie’s silence indicates to Alex that she’s completely lost, and Alex is oh so grateful she can’t make out her face. “Anyway, I have to go.” Alex insists, trying to let the urgency show in her voice.

Alex hears a fed-up “whatever”, and takes this as her cue, practically bolting out the door, locking it behind her. She gets to the car, relieved to have made it to base. She tugs on her shoes and buttons her jeans, raising out of the seat so she can get her phone from her back pocket. She types quickly before dropping the device to her lap, inserting the key into the ignition. 

Alex: So eager. Give me 15.

The streets are quiet, and it’s pretty much a straight run, with no idiots to block the road or sluggish traffic to deal with. It’s not long before she takes the final bend, turning into Piper’s street of suburban two-storey houses that remind Alex all too much of childhood. 

She parks, texts Piper to let her know she’s here, and takes a deep breath. 

By the time Piper opens the door, Alex is already leaning against the frame, eyes nothing but seduction. “Hey babe.” Alex greets. She doesn’t move; she knows Piper will come to her.

And she does. Within seconds, Piper’s softly closing the door over and almost jumping onto Alex. She’s ready, and her arms embrace her and hold her tight against her body. It doesn’t seem to matter how long Alex goes without it, or how scant she’s ever really had the contact, but it always manages to feel like an eternity. And when Piper presses against her, her back arched so there’s not a slither of space to separate them, she feels like she’s being stitched back together. 

Both groan, and Alex automatically flips back to memorise the way Piper feels against her, finding the little details she hasn’t quite familiarized yet. They end up against the wall, and Piper pulls Alex down for a kiss. It breaks Alex’s train of thought, diminishing it into a puddle of disconnected feelings and emotions until all she can keep track of is how urgent Piper is right now. 

It takes Alex a while to reach the same pace, which seems to drive Piper mad. But she’s stuck in a nostalgic daze that reminds her of adolescence. It’s got that distinctive feel to it, the one from teenage flicks she always dissed as ‘hopelessly romantic’ or ‘naïve’. The setting helps, too. Sneaking out in the middle of the night, trying to be silent, although it never makes top priority. They’re no longer teenagers. They no longer possess the innocence. But somehow, they’ve managed to forge that feeling.

It feels like first and right. Alex doesn’t want to let go.

She tries not to think about it, because if she dwells, compartmentalisation will start, and she’ll try to find a label that fits. It’s getting harder and harder to define it under ‘crush’ and ‘like’, because they feel like such understatements now.

Piper tugs at her shirt, noticing her distraction. It’s almost as if she can feel when Alex is holding back. Alex smiles, kicking back into the heat of the moment, catching Piper’s lip between her teeth and biting down. Alex rests her hands on Piper’s hips, changing their positions until Piper’s the one backed up against the wall. Piper moans, but it hardly carries a sound as it just slips into Alex’s mouth. Alex breathes it in, feeling like Piper is being sucked into her bloodstream. Running with a sea of red, right into her heart.

Alex presses her knee against Piper thighs, and she opens her legs a little, letting Alex nestle in-between her thighs. There’s a sigh of shared relief, and Piper squeezes her eyes shut at the sensation. It feels so perfect, so complete - just to feel Alex’s heat radiating through the fabric of her pants. Kisses turn almost fierce as it becomes almost unbearable to be separated for even a second, an endless cycle of relief and impatience as they are forced to break when one has to breathe. Piper’s hands slip underneath Alex’s t-shirt, tickling up the curve of her back as they search to feel the heat of her skin. 

“Wanna take me up on the fuck-against-a-door offer?” Alex suggests, her voice husky and brimming with that same hint of friskiness that Piper has detected every time she makes a comment about doing something in public. Piper looks positively horrified by the suggestion, and the answer clearly isn’t going to be given any additional thought. “No!”

Alex raises an eyebrow. “No?”

“No.” Piper repeats, a bit more conclusively. “That was a specific door. And besides, there’s about three extra people crashing here tonight.”

Piper’s explanation makes little impact on Alex, who crinkles her brow before asking, “So?”

“We’ll wake everyone up!” Piper insists. Alex scoffs. “We? You’re the one who can’t shut up when you cum. Or beforehand, or after, or anytime, for that matter.”

“And whose fault is that?” Piper challenges, her fingernails starting to playfully graze against Alex’s bare back.

“Yours entirely.” Alex counters, a smug grin plastered on her face.

Piper looks deeply offended, ready to hurl another retort right back at her. But Alex pushes her tongue into her mouth, swallowing whatever words Piper was preparing. It ends her argument completely, her will to fight slowly succumbing to just letting Alex trace her lips, getting addicted to the taste and the warmth that found home there. She feels Alex smile into the kiss, her hands coming up to grasp her face as Alex just savours this, soaks up the moment.

Alex’s skin breaks out in goosebumps, and she shivers as her back becomes more and more exposed to the cool night breeze, the more Piper peels the material away. “It’s fucking cold.” Alex protests. It’s got to be no more than a few degrees outside, and frost is sure to develop on the remaining leaves that cling to stems before the morning. 

Piper nods, breaking away and removing her hands from halfway up Alex’s back. She swings the door open, precisely stopping it before it creaks, ushering Alex inside. There’s little light, and by the stillness of the house, Piper is the only occupant up. 

Alex feels blinded from being in unfamiliar territory, whispering, “Where am I going?” as she looks tentatively around, subconsciously shifting a little closer to Piper. She doesn’t answer, just takes Alex’s hand and pulls her along. Alex doesn’t protest, just lets Piper guide her through the halls.

They reach what Alex assumes is Piper’s room, and both quietly tiptoe into it before Piper closes the door behind her. She can’t see much, and it nags at her when her vision isn’t clear with her glasses. Dimly, she can make out the outlines of a bookshelf and a chest of drawers, a bed with the sheets messily pushed back, and a few half-full boxes lying on most free surfaces. Alex finds it mildly odd - the boxes and general clutter make it look like Piper’s in the middle of shifting. Without even considering that her assumption might not be correct, Alex feels something in her chest drop. Like a hope she’d let grow just dies away, and breaks her.

It smells like her. Almost painfully so. It makes her feel lost and dizzy, because there’s nothing of herself here to hold onto. She feels ridiculously out of place. Piper comes up behind her, and Alex feels something akin to relief flow over her and put her at ease. There’s nothing but silence, but it’s comfortable, and it’s like there’s some kind of barrier or self-defence mechanism Alex is tearing away.

She doesn’t do this. 

Piper drapes Alex’s hair to the side, lips pressing softly against the sensitive skin of her neck. Alex sighs, reaching around for Piper’s hand and interlocking it with her own. Nothing happens for a while. There is only Piper’s lips kissing randomly up and down her neck, soft and slow. It’s relatively chaste, but she’s passing over all the spots that drive Alex insane, and eventually, it’s all too much to just let happen. She needs more. 

Piper’s hands slither up her ribcage, and Alex sucks in a breath as she reaches her breasts, squeezing lightly. Alex closes her eyes, trying to focus. Piper’s pushed right up against her – her stomach and her breasts flush with her back, pressing into her. She wants to turn. Attack her lips. But the way Piper’s lips work at her neck makes her forget how to move.

Piper finds the hem of Alex’s t-shirt, pulling it up slowly. Alex breaks away, allowing just enough time for Piper to get it over her head before turning into her, searching for the warmth of her lips. Piper responds, grasping Alex’s cheek and asking for more until the lack of oxygen makes her dizzy. And something changes. It’s no longer expressing just how much passion that longs to be exchanged. It says you’re mine and I’m yours. 

All at once, and without your permission, you’ve bound yourself together. And deep down, you know it’s never really going away. It’s going to linger there, in every look, in every touch, in every thought and emotion you will ever share.

Alex’s hands drift down Piper’s sides, skimming over the material of an oversized shirt and bunching it up. Piper raises her arms and helps Alex pull it off, before it becomes just another discarded article strewn on the floor. 

Piper shuffles closer, until all that’s left is skin on skin, an impossible heat imploding all around you. It feels so delicious, the way Piper’s hips sit just in-between her own perfectly. Alex reaches behind her, feeling for the clasp of Piper’s bra, unhooking it. It falls away, and Alex’s vision drifts down, drinking Piper in. 

Piper attempts to do the same, but she’s not nearly as skilled as Alex - her tries doing little beyond tugging hopelessly at the material. Hell, she can hardly manage her own bra, let alone tackle someone else’s from a completely inverted angle. Alex snickers, breaking away as she reaches behind and detaches it successfully in one easy attempt.

Alex quickly pulls Piper towards the bed, the backs of her knees connecting against the wood before she falls back, taking Piper with her. Alex slides up the mattress, one hand raised as she feels for the headboard. Piper clambers after her, a playful grin plastered in her face as she brings herself to hover over Alex. Alex rests her hands on hips; pressing Piper down until there’s no more distance. 

Piper’s full of nervous energy. But it’s different from before. It’s not the nerves that fizzled when Alex took you to her apartment. It’s not the bold kind that made you determined to trace Alex down under false pretence. It’s not even the bubbly, charged sensation that never really left from all the other times you found yourself falling in with Alex. At coffeeshops. Bottleshops. In movie theatres and cars. It’s the kind when you know you’re opening up. When you’re not sure whether breaking down the barrier is necessarily a good idea. But you do it anyway.

Alex flips them over, determined that Piper be under her.

Eyes remain open, because no matter how strong the desire to shut, you want to watch. You want to watch the way Alex’s hair falls around you, tickles your skin. You want to know the way her smile peeks when she brushes the back of her hand down your side. You want to see the look on her face, like there’s not a desire in the world that could ever hold more want and will. 

It’s dark, every detail sticks; and nothing is overlooked, nothing is blinded. 

Piper raises her hips, and Alex tugs at her tracksuit pants, easing them down. It’s slow, and she makes you wait. Her lips touch the edge of Piper’s knee, hands passing over every inch of skin, taking every blemish and every bruise under her fingertips. Piper gets restless, throwing her head back as Alex reaches the inside of her thigh. “Please go faster.”

Alex snickers against her thigh, squeezing slightly. “No.”

“Please?”

Alex doesn’t speed up her pace. She would never give up so easily. But she takes shortcuts, tracing a more straightforward path that skirts up her thigh, before pressing her palm against Piper’s core. 

It makes Piper squirm under the pressure, and already, she feels like she’s going to explode. “Oh Christ,” Piper breathes, clutching the pillow above her head. Surely she can’t survive this torture. This slow, steady, painstaking torture Alex insists on putting you through. Making you intensely aware of every little build and every beat your heart skips.

And then, without warning, and without Piper’s permission, Alex changes course. She comes back up to Piper, flush against her. Piper wants to protest, demand her hand continue. Because it’s too abrupt. Surely that’s not the end, with tracksuit pants still hanging around your knees.

Alex catches her lips, her thumbs brushing against the sides of Piper’s breasts. “Tell me how much you want this.” Piper doesn’t reply, just reaches up to catch Alex’s lips when she looks up. But Alex wants an answer. “So much.” 

Alex smirks, shaking her head. She wants to know, in painful, explicit detail, just how much Piper wanted her tonight. “Tell me how bad you want it. Or, I’m going to stop.”

Piper hums, lips upturned in a smirk - convinced this is just a game, and there’s no real punishment if she objects. So Piper doesn’t reply. She runs her hands up Alex’s sides, nails sliding over skin. Maybe it will suffice as a distraction. Maybe Alex will just forget. 

Alex shifts, pushing her weight onto her hands as she lifts herself off Piper. 

She wasn’t joking. 

Piper catches on, holding on to Alex’s forearms to stop her. “Okay! Okay.”

“Tell me how much.” Alex reiterates. There’s no escaping the question. No matter how much Piper wishes she could skip this part. Piper sighs, trying to thread onto a steady thought. “Um, enough to call you in the middle of the night?”

Alex pauses, cocking her head to the side. It doesn’t satisfy. Piper doesn’t come even close. “Enough? Fucking enough, Pipes? That’s dismal.”

Piper groans, absolutely undone. She hadn’t expected to have to justify herself. Not when it came to sex. Alex liked to trap you, diminish your every thought under her tongue, make you completely out of control. But this was different. She’s after a different type of ego boost. And she’s going to damn well get it.

“Fine! What exactly are you looking for here? Fishing for credit?”

Alex chuckles, fingertips carefully running down Piper’s arm. “I want to know everything. Your whole train of thought that led up to this. What made you so desperate you had to insist I come over…you get the gist.” 

Piper shuts her eyes. Thinks. Maybe it had been a subconscious plan. Or perhaps she just couldn’t hold off for a minute longer. Either way, it was pure desperation. Piper had been sidetracked all fucking day. She had tried to concentrate – pay attention to whatever story Polly was regaling her with. But her mind refused. It was all Alex.

“I was a little…distracted.” Piper stubbornly reveals.

It’s a miracle, because it works. Alex slides Piper’s trackpants past her knees, letting Piper kick them off. “Mm-hm…” Alex murmurs. It’s encouragement for her to continue, and Piper takes the bait, biting her lip as she tries to ignore the way Alex’s hands draw circles up and down the inside of her thigh.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about it…” Piper trails off, releasing a gasp as Alex slides her thumbs around her underwear. She drags it down a little, just enough to convince Piper she’s going to pull it away, and then she stills. 

“About what exactly?” Alex asks, raising an eyebrow as Piper wriggles beneath her. 

“About-” Piper stops, cut off by the way Alex roughly pulls her underwear down, fingertips ever so slightly brushing against her core. “What was that, Pipes? I didn’t quite catch that.”

“Alex, stop! You know I’m desperate. You know it’s you, so stop being so damn difficult!” Piper’s voice is raised a few decibels, well beyond a level safe enough to not arouse suspicion of the other occupants of the house. Alex is convinced they’ve woken at least somebody up. She doesn’t care, personally. Piper could scream, send a domino of hastily flicked-on lights and concerned footsteps running down the hallway, and Alex wouldn’t be the least bit fazed. But Piper would find a way to make it her fault – turn it all around, clear her conscience of all responsibility. So Alex doesn’t comment.

It’s supposed to be a turning point. Some point where Alex can be convinced, influenced -persuaded to give you what you want. But it doesn’t work. Piper briefly considers pleading with her, begging to be fucked by her tongue and her fingers and those fucking perfect lips. But she knows it won’t work. Alex’s ego it too inflated, and she’s too strong and static about what she wants. 

And Alex only confirms that. “You know, I can always just pull these back up…”

Fucking enough, Piper thinks, as she bolts up and wraps her arms around Alex’s neck; capturing her lips almost aggressively. She pulls them both down - flush against the mattress -and Piper pours all that she can into that kiss, hoping that ‘no’ comes across somewhere. 

Alex responds like she always does – equally, lips hard and demanding against Piper’s, until the urge to dominate grows too strong. Alex gives more, pushing her tongue into Piper’s mouth, making her retreat. Alex moans involuntarily, completely unrestrained as Piper realises she’s completely lost, and that you do indeed have some power over her. You can make her lose herself…

Alex grinds against her, and Piper can feel her hipbones clash against her own, feel her ribcage as it rises and falls. She’s not sure who owns the stammering heartbeat that pounds steadily in her ears. Piper tries to listen for it, but her ears are filled with nothing but the soft moans and laced whispers that Alex makes. 

Piper feels Alex retreat; tongue delivering one last lick before she breaks away from her lips. Immediately, Piper misses the heat. Is half-tempted to pull Alex back. But her mouth connects against her jaw, and Alex kisses her way along, reaching her neck. Gentle kisses turn aggressive, and Alex follows every shiver Piper releases, giving away all her sensitive spots. 

A hand skids down, out of Piper’s line of sight. It melts into the tangled bedsheets and kicked-off clothing, finds it’s way to Piper’s thigh, up, up, until Piper’s so full of expectation she feels like the moment must draw on forever. Finally, finally, fingertips brush against her folds before dipping inside. Piper’s breath hitches, tightening her grip on black strands, pulling roughly. Alex smiles against her neck, biting down softly as she applies inconsistent pressure against her clit. Piper’s breathing runs a little fast, cutting off half-suppressed moans and gasps as she tries to steady herself – build up to it evenly. But Alex takes the control from right out under her, until the only thing Piper can do is hold on and try to breathe.

Alex traces tight little circles over and over again, and she watches Piper’s reaction. Every time Piper’s jaw falls open, every time Piper snaps her eyes shut, every breath that rides higher and higher, Alex is watching. She’s close. 

Alex slows a little, knowing Piper has grown accustomed to the never-ending cycle of flicks and strokes, fully expecting it to last forever. Piper whines, throws her head back in frustration. Alex draws it out, waits until Piper’s practically writhing beneath her before she picks up the pace. 

Desperate, Piper grinds against Alex’s hips, and there’s not the slightest bit of restraint left in her. “Don’t you dare stop,” Piper insists. Alex nods, half-smirking at how goddamned lost Piper is right now. Alex steadies herself, feeling a hand untangle itself from her hair and grab onto her arm. Piper’s nails scrape down painfully, and when they leave, ache and burn. It’s rough and unforgiving, but Alex doesn’t mind. In response, Alex slides two fingers inside her, twisting as they hit that spot that sends Piper reeling. “Alex,” Piper breathes, a conflicted smile appearing at the corner of her mouth. She can’t tell the difference between pleasure and torture. And Alex can’t really blame her. She’s drawing a very, very thin line between the two.

“Alex-” Piper repeats, a little more impatiently. “I’m so close, I’m so…” Alex doesn’t need it spelt out. She curls her fingers, grinds, and that’s all it takes to push Piper over the edge - have her whole body tighten and quake under her fingertips. Piper bolts up from the mattress, head thrown back as she cries out, lets the sensation overtake her. Her vision blurs, and Alex lets her ride it out, highlighting each wave with a flick that makes her tumble and spiral all over again, until she’s absolutely spent.

Piper stills, holding onto Alex for support as her breathing starts to steady. Her hair’s a mess – sticking to her forehead, mingling with the sweat that had gathered there. Piper drops her head against Alex’s shoulder, mumbling a sloppy version of oh my god against her skin.

She remains wonderfully oblivious to the fact that Alex isn’t done. This is just a temporary interlude – an intermission – a singular opportunity to catch your breath. Because you’re going to need it. Alex shifts, sitting up and pulling Piper onto her lap. Her thumb finds Piper’s clit, softly, because she knows how hypersensitive Piper gets. Piper catches on, realises that Alex isn’t done, and automatically tries to wriggle away. 

“You’re gonna go again.” Alex states. It’s obligatory. Clearly, Piper isn’t entitled to a say in this matter. “No.” Piper shakes her head, bites her lip; but her eyes give her away, and Alex knows she’s lost the will to fight. 

Alex gathers slickness in between her fingers, traces down her folds, and Piper’s everywhere – her shallow breaths that tickle her cheek, her hands clinging to Alex’s shoulders, back arching as she rocks against the fingers that rub against her. Piper tries to hold back, because surely it’s too powerful – surely she’ll pass out from how intense this climax threatens to be. But she can’t, Alex doesn’t let her back down, not for a second. She just works her ever closer, until Piper’s left with no choice. She’s forced into letting go.

It hits her, fast and hard - makes Piper feel like she’s surely drowning, makes her forget how to breathe. It’s not just a euphoric haze. It’s a fatal injection of pure ecstasy – the strongest possible high you can ever imagine. It feels like an eternity, and Piper is sure Alex has pushed her into a different conscious state, because surely what fills her can’t be a creation of reality.

Eventually, her vision returns, and Piper sinks back down into Alex’s lap, only just becoming aware that Alex is still supporting her. A few moments pass, a few disbelieving moments where Piper can’t believe she survived that. When Piper can finally muster the energy to raise her head, she comes face to face with Alex’s all too smug expression. Because going twice isn’t unusual to Alex. It’s commonplace. But to Piper, it’s a fucking revelation. And Alex knows Piper’s never had that before. Knows how groundbreaking it is when you first discover it. Loves the fact that she was the one to expose Piper to it. Fucking revels in it.

“That was-” Piper doesn’t finish, the necessity to breathe getting in the way. 

“I know.” Alex finishes, chuckling as she secures several strands of hair behind Piper’s ear. Alex can tell she’s exhausted, making a note of her limit, secretly determined to push it further next time. Piper lets her hand fall, tracing down Alex’s arm until she brushes against the swell of her breast. She goes to move her hand, but Alex stops her, trapping her wrist. 

“But I want to repay the favour…”

Alex smiles, lowering them both back down onto the mattress. “I know, but you’re exhausted. I’d rather your repayment wasn’t half-assed.”

Piper takes offence, getting that defensive that’s-not-the-case look she sports whenever she gets remotely pissed off. But she’s too tired to argue, and just feels around for Alex to tug her closer. There’s a very, very lazy version of fuck you said way too late to be taken seriously. A contented sigh escapes her lips, and then, there’s just silence, and Piper’s completely out.

Alex feels stuck. This is usually her cue to leave, but Piper’s different, and Piper isn’t expecting her to go. Uneasiness festers, and Alex grows more and more out of place. Part of her wants to keep that custom of drifting in and out of people lives. It’s all part of protecting her heart. But the thought of leaving almost hurts, and Piper looks so peaceful, so content, and Alex knows that she’s the reason Piper looks that way.

She stays. Brings the sheet up over them. Tries to sleep. 

It doesn’t come.

She just watches Piper, wondering how on earth she can be so at peace, when Alex is filled with a billion different thoughts and emotions that refuse to rest. Perhaps Piper just isn’t on the same page. Perhaps this thing is different to Piper. Perhaps it doesn’t mean anything at all.

Surely that can’t be possible. After all, Alex never encouraged this. Never imagined to take the turns it has, end her here. In this great ball of relentless anxieties and aching uncertainties. Alex tries not to focus on it. Tries to convince herself that it doesn’t matter, because they haven’t labelled anything. Haven’t needed to. They just like each other. That’s all it is.

But deep down, Alex can’t deny that to her, it’s so much more.

....

Alex’s eyes still feel heavy as her senses gradually kick in, one by one. There’s sunlight somewhere, from a frustratingly new angle and intensity that tells her she’s in a foreign place. It hurts her eyes, and she groans in frustration, burying her face in the crook of her elbow. 

Occasional movements and soft footsteps distantly echo, and Alex tries to place them to get her bearings. Muffled early-morning conversation - short and sounding a little hungover - comes from somewhere; one of them passing by the door. Everything’s foreign, and it’s bugging her - this unshakeable concern of not knowing where she is, more than how heavy her eyes feel.

Alex waits a while longer, wondering if she might drift back to sleep. Perhaps this is just a strange dream. The smell is familiar, though. It smells of pinewood, and something else that dominates the room. And slowly, so slowly the realisation creeps up on her, Alex remembers. 

It smells of Piper.

That’s enough to give her the energy to snap her eyes open, promptly blinded by the bombardment of sunlight that filters through the naked window unchecked. She turns, seeing Piper right beside her, still fast completely oblivious to the world. The sunlight catches on her hair, turning it golden. She looks a little disturbed by the light, a slight crinkle appearing on her brow. Her arm is draped across Alex’s stomach, and all Alex can think is it’s still there. She’s still against you, plundering in your warmth. It makes Alex’s stomach flutter a little, because there’s a perfectly good doona that Piper’s kicked off during the night. She wants your warmth instead.

For a moment, Alex just stays, captivated by the sight. Piper’s so completely relaxed – so at ease that it’s the most beautiful sight of purity and tranquillity. A childish notion takes hold, torn between wanting to wake her, rouse her just because she wants to be in her conscious presence as soon as possible, or let her sleep. But no matter how much Alex wants to wake her up, learn how grumpy she is in the mornings, Alex doesn’t have the heart to follow through.

Alex tries to recall the night, tracing back to how she got here – how she crawled out of bed, blindly followed Piper’s request, spun a very sketchy trail of lies for Sylvie to eventually catch on to. Then there was Piper, leading her through the house, kissing her, hands all over her skin, fingerprints invisibly marking her, making Alex unmistakably hers.

And here she was, at what Alex considered an ungodly hour to be awake for, in unfamiliar territory. 

The movements outside subside, and Alex decides she’s too starving to wait any longer. She creeps outside, finding her way first to a bathroom and then to the kitchen, grateful that it’s empty. Like all communal living spaces she’s encountered, it’s filled with a strange array of foods that don’t really go together – a ton of condiments but no butter or bread to go with, a pizza box that’s filled with half-devoured crusts. Pickles. Beer. She rummages through the cupboards, finding about a dozen tins of spaghetti someone clearly thought was an important asset to stock up on. 

Thankfully, there are enough dishes to actually warm it up with, and even some cutlery. There’s a table in the middle of the kitchen, filled with unopened mail, crumpled-up receipts and odd things that don’t have a home. Dead batteries. Broken pegs. Aspirin tablets. She files through the stuff, trying not to be too insensitive to whoever’s property it was, taking occasional spoonfulls. 

Someone comes into the kitchen – a short, dishevelled blonde sporting an oversized shirt that clearly doesn’t belong to her. Alex eyes her tentatively, choosing not to acknowledge the confused look plastered on the girl’s face. “Hey.” Alex mumbles, shovelling a spoonful into her mouth. 

“Who are you?”

Good question. Who was she, exactly? Piper’s friend? Piper’s one-night-stand? No, that doesn’t fit. It’s happened more than once. Girlfriend? Yeah right. As if Piper would ever go halfway to admitting that.  
She wasn’t sure any label she came up with fit, and the best definition of her relationship with Piper was probably Piper’s undefined. 

“Piper’s friend.” Alex replies, choosing not to engage further on the topic. 

“Oh.”

Clearly they expected a name, accompanied by some form of greeting, or story of how she knew Piper. Polite, or at least, half-assed. But Alex says no more, making her disinterest blatantly clear. She’s never been good at hiding boredom. And she’s certainly not about to start making exceptions.

The girl grabs herself a cup of water and leaves; chin raised defiantly. Alex vaguely hears the word “bitch” muttered under her breath as she passes through to the adjoining room.

The bowl’s empty, but Alex still scrapes at the streaks of red sauce, gathering it on the spoon’s metallic surface before smearing it back in a circular futility. She’s strangely captivated by the way the light shines, her eyes glazed as she blankly repeats the action over and over. Suspended in time and space, in some curious corner of the universe where the light reminds her of the house she grew up in. 

There are things to do. Alex is sure there are messages on her phone, piling up. They are priorities, responsibilities. They need to be attended to. But they feel distant, and Alex manages to trick herself into ignoring their very existence. She can deal with them later, surely. When her world her returned to it’s rightful axis.

Alex wanders for a while, tracing her fingertips over stacks of photographs filled with fragments of life – Piper and another girl feature rather predominantly, tilted close-ups of drunken laughs and drinks in hand, college snaps of impossibly green quadrangles and boys with their arms around waists. There are a couple of older ones, too, and Alex files through to the ones she’s most interested in – the ones of Piper. She finds one among a thick stack of mixed up sets that catches her attention. It’s a shot that captures the natural, a particular essence that can only be expressed when someone’s not aware they’re being photographed. A young Piper of sixteen at best fills the shot, asleep at dusk in a back porch hammock, legs dangling over the edge. 

Alex feels her tips tug into a smile, and she finds herself wondering who took the picture - who was lucky enough to know Piper at such a tender age, in such a beautiful state, and who was lucky enough to capture it to exquisitely. She turns it over, careful black ink reading 1996, Conneticuit in the bottom right-hand corner. Some selfish impulse overtakes her, and Alex finds herself carefully slipping the photo into her pocket. Alex knows she shouldn’t take it – it’s not hers, and she has no right to it. But before Alex feels moral confliction kick in, she’s already justified it – there’s another double anyway.

She creeps back, slipping into Piper’s room. She is still in the same position, unaware of Alex’s absence. She crawls back onto the bed, bringing herself to hover over Piper, her legs on either side of her. Alex brushes blonde hair to the side, until it flows like ripples across the pillow. Alex brings her lips to Piper’s neck, faintly pressing her lips right beside her ear and whispering, “hey.”

Piper stirs, a small groan coming to life as her nose crinkles. Alex runs her thumb along the line of her chin, before kissing her again, against Piper’s earlobe. Alex mutters “hey” again, lazier this time. Piper shifts underneath her, rolling from her side onto her back, and only then really becoming aware of how limited the space to move is, with Alex hovering over her. 

Alex watches as her eyelids flutter – once, twice, until they eventually rest, striking blue eyes focusing to gaze back at her. It’s a spectacular sight, like Piper is seeing the world for the first time – wide eyed and fresh, innocent and with a hint of mild surprise. Alex’s jet black hair creates a curtain as it falls around, and for a few seconds – that’s all there is in the world – recognition without conclusion, surface emotions that can’t yet be thought better of. Alex hopes Piper can fill in the gaps for herself; hopes she won’t be disappointed at Alex’s morning-after presence. 

Alex feels like the moment goes on forever – Piper fails to react, still, until Alex searches her eyes for something to give her away. Eventually, Piper’s arms rustle against the sheets, finding their way to Alex’s hips, gripping softly. “You’re here.”

Alex feels relief flood over her, as if it’s the last words she’ll ever want to hear, as if it’s the only words that will ever make it okay. The corner of Piper’s lips curl, and surprise is replaced by a hint of delight. Alex grins, bringing her hands up to cup Piper’s face. “Still here.”

It’s a funny feeling, and an even stranger exchange of words, that somewhere in the midst, grow appropriate. Whatever they’ve done, however they’ve tangled themselves, it’s been done together. The words always and intended run through Alex’s mind. It’s some form of permanent, some flicker of forever. They’re not going anywhere.

Alex leans down, her lips falling on Piper’s jaw, soft and warm. It’s tender, something Alex is not used to doing, but somehow, comes effortlessly. She’s glad that Piper doesn’t say anything about it; just smiles back at her until they turn into giggles. 

“You invited me over here, you know.” Alex reminds. 

Piper nods, adjusting her position until her knee collides awkwardly against Alex’s elbow so abruptly Alex loses balance, and falls to the side. “Ouch, Pipes…”

Piper mutters an apology, but it loses its integrity as she douses it in laughter. She lifts up the sheet, draping it over the both of them and sliding over to Alex. 

Alex bundles her up, her arm snaking around Piper’s waist and pulling her flush against her. Piper pushes her knee between Alex’s, and they end up tangled. Piper sighs, burying herself in the crook of Alex’s neck, relishing in the warmth of being against her skin. Alex can’t help but smile; glad Piper can’t see it, because she needs at least one secret to hold back.

Alex runs her hand through Piper’s hair, tracing each strand. But the sheer unfamiliarity of everything grows on Alex, and slowly, things that bother her return, implant themselves on her conscience. Perhaps what bugs her most of all is the boxes, because the boxes threaten to change everything that Alex is beginning to feel are growing permanent. They lie scattered around the room, and Alex can’t exclude them from her line of sight, no matter how much she tries. She has to ask.

She tries to make it sound as casual as possible, as though it hasn’t been a constant concern. But her voice ends up slightly shaken, and it doesn’t sound indifferent at all. “What’s with the boxes?”

Piper stills, and it’s as if she can feel Alex’s uncertainty. “The boxes?”

“Yeah. There’s…” Alex lifts her head, counting the boxes that lie around. “Seven of them.” Alex pauses, debating whether or not she should add to that. “Going somewhere?”

Piper laughs easily, and there is something about it that immediately sets Alex at ease. There’s no need for the reflexive, automatic brace for disappointment that makes Alex’s stomach tighten and emotions just shut off. 

“No. I just haven’t unpacked them yet.”

Alex thinks for a moment. “Exactly how long have you lived here, Pipes?” 

Piper shifts, a sheepish cringe flashing before she hides her head against Alex’s chest. “A year, almost.” 

“You’ve lived here a whole fucking year, and still haven’t unpacked everything?”

“I’ve been busy!” Piper protests, muffled from being half-pressed against Alex.

Alex breaks out laughing, trying to think of even one potential scenario where a person is so busy they can’t find a single minute in a year to unpack. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Maybe just a little.” Piper gives Alex a look, giving her no more than a second to work out what’s buried there, before Piper closes the distance between them. Alex kisses her, hands grasping the sides of her face so she can’t move away. It’s aggressive, needy even, and there’s a moan that’s stifled by Alex’s tongue slipping into her mouth. It quickly gets frantic, and there’s not the slightest will to restraint either of them is prepared to demonstrate. It’s a purge of passion. It’s never enough, Alex thinks. You’ll never get your fill. You’ll always want more. So Alex just tries to communicate all that she can, and hopes it’s enough. 

“How do you want me?” Piper murmurs between kisses. It catches Alex off-guard, and for a moment the words just wash over her like waves. It’s so open to interpretation, so vague. But the way Piper says it makes it need no clarification – specific in it’s own way. It’s a signal – perhaps the first verbal signal, of the change in Piper. How Alex has seemingly transformed her from someone hardly sexual at all, to just…the complete opposite. It was as though something had snapped, or something had been torn away, to reveal something hidden – and Alex was the one to discover it.

Alex catches her eye, finding that mischievous glint reflecting back at her. Alex raises an eyebrow, straddling her lap and pushing Piper down. Hands nudge up Piper’s top, revealing the perfect skin beneath. “How do I want you?” Alex repeats, kissing along Piper’s exposed abdomen, softly. Piper trembles beneath, and Alex can hear her breath hitch as she reaches a sensitive spot. “In so many ways.” Alex whispers against her skin. Her fingertips trace up Piper’s sides, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Piper tightens her grip on Alex’s hips, trying desperately to get her closer. 

But Alex is busy, lips trailing over Piper’s ribcage, along her collarbone, the insides of her wrists. “I want you all the time.” Alex continues, slurring her words so Piper has to concentrate to catch them. “I want you…” Alex moves to her neck, trailing hot open-mouthed kisses at all the spots that make Piper shudder. Alex takes her earlobe in her mouth, biting down before whispering, “everywhere.” 

Hearing those words is enough to send Piper into overdrive. On impulse, she releases her hand from gripping Alex’s shoulder, descending it downwards until it brushes against the band of Alex’s jeans. There’s no waver in her touch as Piper undoes the button with a satisfying pop. She eases the zip down, and Alex sucks a little harder against her neck in response. Piper’s hand slides into her underwear, and Alex opens her legs a little, giving Piper more room to move. Fingertips brush against her core, gathering the slickness together before dipping just beneath, distributing it all over again. Alex hisses, every flick of her finger making her desperate to fight back for control, but in the end Piper is so persuasive with her touch that all she ends up doing is gripping at the sheets. 

She can’t resist.

Alex props herself up, supporting herself against the mattress. It allows her to observe from the perfect vantage point – watch Piper’s expression change every time her own does, pleased, a little too pleased, with how effective she is. But Piper’s grin never changes, and her eyes never lose that mischievous glint. 

Alex grinds harshly against her, urging Piper to dip lower. She does – fingers brushing against her folds before they dip shallowly inside, and then stop, frozen. Alex groans in frustration, a little louder than she knows is safe. “I swear to god Piper, if you don’t-” 

She’s cut off as Piper pushes inside her, and the rest of the sentence is lost, overcome by just how powerful Piper’s fingers thrust. “Fuck,” is all Alex can muster, anything more than a syllable simply too much effort. Her expression contorts, singularly fixed on the movements Piper fills her with – which way they turn and which way they twist.

She grinds again, arching her back into Piper’s hand. She loves how Piper can be hard but no fast – rough, but controlled and decisive. It allows her feel all of it. Relish when Piper curls her fingers and leaves them there - the pressure almost too much to consciously endure. “Wanna finish that sentence for me?” Piper mocks, fully aware that Alex isn’t capable of responding right now. Alex shoots her a look, grabbing hold of Piper’s hips so she can ride her fingers. 

Alex feels her fingers begin to pull out, and she mourns the loss of pressure the second it begins to slip out of her grasp. Piper’s determined – giving her just enough to keep her incapable of protest, but hooked enough to be tricked into thinking you just might make it. It’s a vicious cycle, and Piper’s fully aware of what’s she’s doing. But she’s smug as fuck about it, and it makes Alex want to wipe that smirk right off her face.

Her fingers sink away again, but this time, Alex anticipates it and grabs her wrist, stopping her. She shakes her head, her eyes warning Piper not to dare pull away, not right now. Not with how good Piper’s fucking her. She doesn’t want to lose this moment.

Something moves down the hallway, a strange shuffling that gets louder and louder until both are abruptly shocked to hear it just outside the door. The moment breaks, the protective bubble they surrounded themselves with shatters. Sensations are doused in fear as Piper moves as fast as lightning, pushing Alex to the side before shoving her off the bed. She cottons on much quicker than Alex does, who loses orientation as she’s forced onto the floorboards, before she can say what the fuck.

Piper pulls down her shirt, half nudged up from Alex’s wandering hands, and is allowed just a moment to sit up before the door swings open. There’s nothing she can do about the blush that burns at her cheeks, nothing she can do to check whether Alex is safely out of sight. Nothing she can do except stare blankly at the door, watch the intruder’s confused expression that makes her feel more transparent than cling wrap.

“You did remember you have work today, didn’t you?” 

Work. That’s right. That thing you get paid to turn up on time for. That thing you had forgotten about.

“Oh. Um…yeah. Of course.” It does little in the way in convincing, and even less to alter that perplexed expression etched onto the girl’s face. Piper can feel Cassandra is about to say something, ask some question or other that she’s got no answer to, like why aren’t you ready then, or what the hell is up with you. 

But before the girl can even open her mouth, Alex breaks the invisible barrier Piper had so hoped she’d maintain, heaving herself up from the floor and collapsing next to Piper on the mattress.

Piper can’t believe she just did that, and for a few drawn out seconds, she looks even more horrified than Cassandra does. All eyes are on her, but Alex isn’t the least bit phased by it. Alex’s eyes glaze over her, but it’s a different girl than the one in the kitchen, and for a moment Alex wonders what she’s stumbled into – some post-college sorority house filled with hungover straight girls. Well, with the exception of Piper of course.

“She forgot.” Alex mutters, arm draped over her eyes to shield her from the light flooding in through the window.

There are so many things racing through Piper’s mind – like how damn unhelpful Alex is being, and how awfully suggestive it looks for Alex to be in her bed. She’s just about ready to kill Alex for making that comment when Cassandra casts a knowing glance between the pair of them, remarking, “I’ll leave you two alone” before closing the door behind her.

Piper grabs a pillow, hurling it at Alex. “What the hell!” It’s a decently aimed shot, landing forcefully on Alex’s stomach with a thump. She buckles, automatically tensing as her hands reach for the weapon. She chuckles, finding Piper’s irritation greatly amusing.

It rubs Piper up the wrong way – because she’s serious – dead serious – and Alex just laughs at her for it. “That was so unhelpful, Alex.” Her tone attempts to sound strong, demanding even. But it falters, and comes off stubborn and defeated. 

Alex knows Piper’s serious, but that’s only making her display of anger seem even cuter. She tries to stop, knowing she’s delivering several body-shots to Piper’s fragile ego. She tries harder, forces herself to shut up. It’s not much use. Laughs turn into sniggers, and Piper’s far from impressed, glaring back at her.

“You couldn’t have just stayed down? Not for one-fucking-minute?” Piper waits for a response, cornering Alex with a glare, but after seeing that Alex is way too preoccupied smirking, mutters moron and turns away.

Alex grabs her hand, making her turn back around. “Hey, come on, Piper. It’s actually not like that.”

Piper narrows her eyes, torn between deciding whether or not Alex is genuine. She chooses to give Alex the chance to explain. That’s what she does. She gives people chances. Something shifts inside her, something that feels like a warning. Something that seems to say you’re about to make a bad habit out of this. She ignores it, partly because she can’t really understand the feeling, partly because she’d rather be swayed by an explanation.

Alex catches the silence, taking it as permission to speak. “If you think I haven’t been out of this room since yesterday, then you obviously think I’ve got some super bladder skills. So before you go jumping to the conclusion that I’m a complete asshole, consider the fact that I already had a run-in with one of your college buddies this morning. Not that one, though. A different one.”

It makes sense. Makes Piper feel like an idiot. She blushes, feeling her anger be swept away by Alex’s words. She couldn’t hold onto it if she tried. They’d be just as persuasive if they weren’t the truth. “It would be pointless to hide from one and not the other.”

Piper nods. She’s right. 

But now, Alex is no longer a secret. No longer a faceless, unknown entity only Polly really knew existed. It scares Piper, feels like she’s lost that veil of ignorance she made a sanctuary out of. It was selfish, to keep Alex away from her life, like a side adventure. Avoiding all possible complication, questions, messy things.

“It’s just, now they know about you…” Piper trails off, a despondent, shame-faced frown tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Alex takes it like a stab in the gut. Was that resentment in her tone? Alex thinks it over, flicking through the short span of their time together, looking for signs she hadn’t picked up on. And the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Alex had tossed it aside, the creeping around, because she’s doing the exact same thing at her end. But that’s different, because she has a reason to do so. Even if it wasn’t the reason Piper thought it was.

Alex grows uncomfortable the longer she dwells on the thought, and finds herself shifting nervously against the mattress. Suddenly, she wants to bolt. Get out of here as soon as possible. 

Piper never really catches on to Alex’s insecurity, or at least, doesn’t seem to. Every second Piper stays silent, every second she stays frozen with regret; Alex feels her whole body constrict. Like a defence mechanism kicking in. But she can’t seem to get up, so it’s clearly not fight or flight. She’s not flying. But she’s not fighting either. She’s just stuck in some in-between state she can’t get out of.

Alex lets go of Piper’s hand, forgetting she’s still holding it. Suddenly, Piper realises what she’s done, or at least, part of it. So she musters up an explanation, one that might ease the hurt. 

“It’s…well, now they might think I’m…”

Alex can finish it off, knowing exactly what she means. Perhaps she’s on self-destruct mode, but she can’t help it when she thinks that Piper can’t even finish that sentence. She can’t even fucking say the word, let alone go half the way to admitting it. Alex forces herself to calm down. Counts to ten in her head. Stares at the ceiling.

She can practically feel conflict ready to fire, to boil to the brim and wreck everything. Alex remembers why she’s here – because she likes Piper, really likes Piper, and she doesn’t want to fuck that up. 

Take a moment. Take a breath. Think this over later.

There’s no point getting mad over it, because she’s absolutely no better, and as good as her reasons are, as important as they may be, still don’t count. And in a convoluted sort of way, are just as valid as Piper’s. So she says nothing, and eventually feels her body begin to relax. Laugh it off.

“Hate to break this to you, but you kind of are, Pipes.” She manages to chuckle, and falls back into the ease of mockery so well Piper can’t tell the difference.

Piper groans, falling back against the mattress. “Not.”

Alex quirks an eyebrow, watching Piper’s eyelids close over. I’ll fucking prove it to you, Alex thinks, moving her hand from resting on her stomach, feeling for the soft skin of Piper’s hip. She lets her hand dip into Piper’s underwear, watching her mouth fall a little ajar as she traces her fingertips over her core. That’s all she gives her – just a taste. But Piper’s body reacts before she can even go halfway to trying to discredit Alex’s argument.

“Yeah, you’re so fucking straight.”

Piper shuts her eyes, shaking her head from side to side. It’s designed to argue, but without using her words, all Piper manages to accomplish is a desperate gesture that begs for more. Alex retracts her hand, watching as Piper shoots up, ready to protest. “I’d love to prove just how much you enjoy that, but your nosy roommate said something about work, remember?”

“Shit, what time is it?” Piper asks, panicking as she bolts up, frantically trying to locate her phone. 

“About one something.”

“My shift starts at two.”

“I’ll drive you. I’ve got stuff to do anyways.” 

….

Surely it’s safe to go home, right? After all, you can’t stay away forever. Everything you need is there – all your work stuff, all your clothes…hell, even your toothbrush. 

It reminds Alex of how avoidant she used to be as a teenager. When she got girls from school into her bed, and had to avoid all corresponding classes with them for the next week, just to make sure they wouldn’t stick.

She ends up driving around the block first, completely aimlessly. Just plucking up the courage to actually park. She decides now is the best time, the time when Sylvie’s least likely to be around. It’s good theorising, sound even, but doesn’t end up being quite as smooth as practice. The second Alex unlocks the door; she knows she’s not alone. 

Fuck.

There’s a fleeting second where Alex wonders whether she could get away with it – grab her stuff as quickly and quietly as possible. But there are boxes of newly delivered product in the hallway, and Alex runs into them with a bang. She remains completely still for a moment, snapping her eyes shut and cursing in her head that she wasn’t heard.

“You’re finally back.”

Arms crossed as she rests against the doorway of Alex’s bedroom, Sylvie makes it crystal she’s been waiting for Alex’s walk of shame. Her eyes are narrowed, and she’s clearly not prepared to be as gullible as she was in her sleep-deprived state last night. She’s clearly thought better of that, too.

Alex tries to think up some reasoning, but she catches the look plastered on Sylvie’s face, and decides it’s best not to say anything at all. She can tell she’s already screwed.

“Tell me, Alex, why it takes over sixteen hours to bail someone out!”

Think fast, Alex.

“Paperwork.” Alex mumbles, leaning down to slide off her boots and loosen the laces. 

She’s not expecting Sylvie to buy it, but Alex is well beyond the point of actually caring. She’s full of resentment towards Sylvie – to how she’s being interrogated, how she’s practically been forced out of her own house, how she can’t even take a fucking shower.

“Don’t pull that shit, Alex. I know what you did at the bar the other night. And I fucking know where you where last night, too.” Her tone is harsh on purpose, trying to provoke some kind of emotional reaction out of Alex. But it just grates against her ears, and there’s a moment when Alex briefly considers strangling her just to get her to shut up. 

It’s better to remain non-reactionary, especially with Sylvie. She’s volatile, a point she’s proven time and time again, and Alex is well past the point of testing her. 

“Good for you.” Alex shuffles past her, opening several drawers and grabbing some clean clothes. She’s not all the surprised when Sylvie follows her. “You’re clearly not capable of being committed to anyone! The minute you lose interest, you’re out looking for who’s next.”

Alex stuffs her things in a duffle bag, trying to shut off, shut down. So she doesn’t have to hear this bombardment. But she ends up listening, because Sylvie’s always been good at hitting nerves. Knows how to rile her up. Alex tries to think that it’s not true. That it’s cheap shit-talk. A desperate attempt to make her switch her allegiance. Make her stay. 

But there’s a hurtling truth that Sylvie sharply throws back at her. Alex has never been that good at being exclusive. 

Sex was her thing – one night stands or maybe two. Alex thinks back.

In highschool, there were a few you had on rotation, the ones you knew you’d end up making out with at parties. The ones you knew you could direct your attention to for a few days, get them into your bed a day later. Or if you snuck into the production rehearsals, you used your skills, built your confidence, learnt where you could touch someone that wouldn’t scare them off, that would keep them rooted just where you wanted them. Then you got a bit older, and you remained pretty much the same. You just got better.

It doesn’t matter what’s in your past. It’s not doing to make any fuck-all difference.

It’s not as if it wouldn’t bother her under normal circumstances. But it’s particularly callous, given her predicament with Piper. Even though she doesn’t want to think about what they’ve created, even less put a label on it; doesn’t change the fact that it’s grown to be important to her. 

She wants Piper. Wants to be with Piper. Only Piper.

She’d like to think she’s capable of that. 

Alex moves to the bathroom, snatching up her toothbrush. Ignores Sylvie completely.

Sylvie follows again, like she’s incapable of leaving Alex alone. Like she has to hold onto the string of a broken thread, and tug, in the hope it just might mend. Alex knew how successful she had been in reeling Sylvie in. Too successful. But she hadn’t bargained for this – this intense form of emotional attachment that Sylvie couldn’t let go of. 

If she weren’t so blinded by hatred, Alex would probably feel guilty. For it was her actions, her seduction, that led to this. She’d used her. Used her emotions, toyed with them, played with them, manipulated them. 

Alex remembers some paperwork she needs, and moves towards the door. Sylvie works two steps ahead of her, standing square in the doorway, her hands on either side of the frame. Her eyes as wild, as though that’s going to work, to just keep blocking Alex at every turn.

Alex sighs. She doesn’t want to play this game anymore. She wants to get out of here. She wants nothing more to do with her. She wants her fucking life back. And she wants to have Piper in it if she damn well pleases.

“I’m not doing this with you.” Alex sighs, wrapping the strap of the bag around her shoulder. 

It doesn’t make Sylvie back down. She’s not sure why she expected that to work, it never has in the past. Sylvie resolves things physically, whereas Alex never went there, unless it was absolutely necessary. She knows all too well you can’t take physical lashings-out back. Those are the kind of wounds that never really heal.

Sylvie doesn’t reply. Doesn’t budge. Only glares at Alex, like a dare for her to crack. And Alex has to admit, she’s tempted.

“If you don’t get the fuck out of this doorway, Sylvie, I won’t hesitate.”

It’s a warning – the only one Alex is prepared to give. She hopes to God it’s obeyed, because she really doesn’t want to go there. 

“No. You need to explain, before I do shit for you.” 

That’s clear enough for Alex, and after matching Sylvie’s glare with look that imparts just how pathetic she thinks this all is, Alex pushes past her. 

Alex makes it to her desk unhindered, shuffling through the drawers until she finds the files she needs and pulls them out. Sylvie catches up to her – brings herself to hover over the desk like an exam scrutiniser. Alex is glad this is the last thing she needs. 

Sylvie speaks again, and Alex is almost shocked when it’s not a tone flooded with bitterness that wraps around her words. “You’re not fair.” 

Her voice breaks in two – ending by sounding downtrodden and defeated. Sylvie was tough – physically and mentally. But emotionally, she didn’t fare quite as well once she let you in. And Alex had been let in. Been permitted unrestricted access to her heart. Guilt flickers by, and Alex has to swallow it down. 

Alex sighs, straightening back up and shoving the files into her bag. “Sylvie, just…just leave, okay? This,” Alex motions between them, trying to make explicit exactly what she’s referring to. “is so far done, it’s practically a charred steak.”

It means get out. It’s a one-way ticket and a notice of leave all wrapped into one. Alex can see the moment it hits her. Where that realisation sticks, and with full force, blisters.

“What about the company?”

Ah. Alex thinks back to those boxes at the door – her part of the shipment Fahri had insisted she wait for. They’re here – there’s no more requirement for her to wait. She’s set free from that twisted entanglement that went so horribly wrong for her. 

“You’re out.” 

It takes a moment to register, like it’s so strange to hear there’s no way it can be correct. But when it does, Alex sees her whole world change. 

Alex thinks about what it must be like, to have your business stolen from you, from right under your feet. All that hard work, all that patience, all those late-night dealings and the occasional run-in with a gun. All to be swallowed up. And what’s worse, this was the drug industry. The law is not on your side. There’s no rights or regulations or unions to protect you. There’s only yourself, and how much you fight. Alex knows this. Knows how much you struggle for it. 

Alex knows she doesn’t need to elaborate. She can see everything dawn on Sylvie, watches as the strength unravels from her fists, until they do nothing but hang limp. It seems strange to see her without that strength.

“Just have your stuff out by tomorrow night. Otherwise, there’ll be complications.”

Complications. It’s so subtle it’s more of a code than an allusion. It means hush, don’t you dare do anything stupid, or your life will be coming to a very abrupt end. 

Sylvie gives a single nod in understanding, solemnly hanging her head. Alex walks over to her, putting her arms on her shoulders. Sylvie looks up, tentatively, her eyes full of false hope. But Alex’s eyes don’t show sympathy. Instead, they blaze. 

Alex backs her up against the wall, keeping her at arms length away as she pushes her into the bricks. She raises her finger intimidatingly to Sylvie’s face. “And another thing. If you do anything to Piper, and I mean anything, I’ll finish you off myself.” It’s a safety measure – Alex doesn’t think Sylvie’s capable of anything too severe right now, but she’s not taking any chances. It’s like she’s got this automatic impulse to protect Piper. 

Alex doesn’t let her go. Not until Sylvie gives a hint of a nod. She grabs her files, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder. 

“If you want my advice, make yourself scarce. Maybe Iceland or something,” Alex turns, shrugging her shoulders before she disappears down the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's completely up to you how you read this, but I'm only using plain text on here, whereas on ffn.net, you get the italics and underlinings, that sort of thing. I'd suggest you read it there, because you're kinda missing out on a couple of elements without it. Up to you.


	7. Chapter Seven

The uniforms make it look like a chain restaurant – not the halfway-to-fancy seafood house it claims to be. Perhaps it’s the slightly disorienting abundance of yellow, or the blue and white chequered bands that run along the walls, but Alex has her mind made up that the place is disgusting. She can’t understand why anyone who had a choice would want to work here. The whole situation makes no sense to her – the appeal of a minimum wage job. The shitty hours and overbearing bosses ready to reprimand you for every coffee stain or not-you-fault order mix-up. The whole thing reeks.

It smells horrible, too. Vaguely reminds her of times when she was little, too little to be left home alone, so she was carted along to her mum’s jobs and propped on the counter. She learnt a lot from those places. That you should never piss off a chef, or they’ll make your order extra special. That people are shitty tippers. That nobody respects waitresses, not matter how hard they try to please you. No matter what lengths they go to fix things that aren’t even their responsibility.

Alex hates these places. Hates it even more that Piper’s working here. Alex watches from her rather concealed position at a corner table, how Piper still looks a little lost, and every now and again has to pull another waitress aside to ask a question. Alex plays absently with the sugar packets, sorting them into sweeteners and raw sugar, flipping them around so they’re perfectly aligned. 

“Can I get you anything?” A waitress asks, flipping over to a new page. Alex looks up, smiling as she shakes her head. “No, but can you get me that one over there? I know her.” Alex points Piper out, her finger following Piper’s tracks until she disappears into the kitchen area. She looks confused by Alex’s request, but nods all the same, and goes to track Piper down. The waitress pulls Piper back into the dining space, and points Alex out. Even in the dingy lighting, Alex can tell Piper blushes a little. “Hey you,” Alex says, a smug smirk planted on her face. 

“Alex! What are you doing here?” Piper tries to remain as non-reactionary as possible, knowing full well you’re not supposed to chat during work hours. But she doesn’t care right now, because today’s been slow, and there’s no better sight right now than having Alex slouch at the corner table. 

“Uh, waitress? I came here to inform you that the service is just terrible. You know what? I think I’m gonna have to complain.” Alex feigns a shocked expression, knowing full well it will get a rise out of Piper.

Piper cracks a grin. “Fuck you.”

Alex swipes up the menu and flicks it open, just so she won’t get thrown out for distracting the waitresses. Which incidentally, would not be the first time. “Oh, I wish you would.”

“Alex, I’m working!” Piper growls, but it’s not enough to conceal the way her eyes glint at the prospect. 

“Hate to break it to you, kid, but you kind of suck at this whole ‘working’ business. You haven’t even taken my order yet.”

Alex can see Piper mutter asshole under her breath, before she flips open the order booklet. Alex watches her demeanour transform from play-Piper to work-Piper, and she does a damn fine job at convincing Alex she’s been turned into one of those food-service robots. “Welcome to Fish Shack, may I take your order?”

Alex frowns. “Ew. Go back to not doing your job properly.”

Piper gets impatient, knowing she’s spent way too much time at this table already. This is the last straw. She picks up the menu and waves it around in front of Alex’s face. “Pick something! Choose! C’mon!”

It’s obviously louder than Piper thought, because it attracts the attention of several surrounding tables. Alex bursts out laughing, clapping her hand over her mouth as she drops her head to the table. Piper looks absolutely mortified, dropping the menu back on the table, her mouth agape as she fails to think of any justification for her behaviour.

Alex saves her from the concerned looks of the customers, putting her hands up in mock apology. It seems to satisfy, and people gradually return to their meals as the noise level begins to peak again. “Alright, that was probably my fault. Will you bring me coffee?” 

Piper’s eyebrows shoot up, and clearly, she’s very far removed from being willing to bring Alex coffee. “Is that your idea of an apology?” 

“No. My idea of an apology doesn’t comply with the health codes.” Alex smirks, waiting until Piper manages to nut out the suggestion. It only makes her madder, though, and all Alex can think is that someone with this kind of temper really shouldn’t be working here…

“Alex! Seriously!”

“Yeah, seriously!” Alex repeats. “I was serious. About the coffee.” Alex pauses, raising an eyebrow. “And the-”

Piper is quick to cut her off before she can finish her sentence. “Okay, I’m going now.” 

….

Alex swirls the final remnants of her coffee around the cup, listening as the clatter of knives and forks begins to fall away. People shuffle out, discard their tables, leave a few of the more crinkled notes they’d rather not have in their wallets. Alex despises all of them. 

Plates are stacked, half-finished drinks poured into the drain. The kitchen staff call for final clearance, and the final load of the dishwasher begins to whir. 

Nobody asks Alex to leave – they’ve all assumed she’s waiting for Piper. 

It’s 9:30 by the time Piper finally emerges, stuffing notes into her pocket. She looks tired, worn out. Her steps are slow, and it seems like she takes forever to cross the distance between them. Alex gathers her up in her arms, letting Piper almost fall into her. She brushes Piper’s hair behind her ear and kisses her forehead, muttering, “I told you these kinds of jobs suck.”

Piper gives a groan into Alex’s chest, signalling that all energy has left her. Alex lifts up her arm and lets Piper take up her place, head against Alex’s shoulder. “Let’s get you home, kid.”

Alex has to practically carry Piper to the car, having a hard time when Piper momentarily forgets how to coordinate the seemingly challenging task of climbing in. By the time Alex gets the engine running, Piper’s already half-asleep, wearing a glazed-over expression as she curls up against the passenger seat. Her hand wanders into the space between the seats, sluggish movements silently searching for Alex’s hand. 

Alex looks over at her, watching the way Piper fixes her gaze on her hand, just waiting to see if Alex will interlock it with her own. Like it’s the only thing that matters to her in this moment. 

Alex drops her hand from the steering wheel and brings it to hover over Piper’s before she spreads her fingers apart, and cascades them together until they interlock. Her thumb runs up and down the edge of Piper’s index finger, gently. She catches Piper smile at the sight, before her eyes begin to close over before opening again, and then gives in to the temptation to keep them closed. Piper doesn’t want to lose the sight of their hands so wonderfully anchored together. She wants to savour every minute it lasts. But as long as Alex keeps moving her thumb every so often, the feeling floats through various levels of consciousness, until she drifts off.

….

“Okay, come on, kid.” 

This has got to be attempt number four, and no amount of pleading seems to break through to Piper’s dazed state. Alex eventually has to practically drag her out of the car, supporting her until she can lean against the car while Alex shuts the door. She’s about as useless as a dead battery right now, and it causes Alex to wonder what she’s like when Piper’s blind drunk. Probably worse. 

Piper mutters something against Alex’s sleeve, but it’s indiscernible, and Alex knows Piper doesn’t have the energy to repeat it. They reach the porch, after several one-step-at-a-time attempts at getting Piper up the stairs. Alex stills, holding Piper steady. Piper looks confused, wondering what the delay is. “What are we waiting for?”

“The key, Piper. This is your house, not mine.”

“Oh!” Realisation dawns, and Piper’s train of thought finally manages to catch up. “Pockets…” It’s not even a sentence; it’s the murmuring of a single word that is apparently going to solve the whole problem. Alex sighs, making Piper lean against the wall while she checks her pockets. “You know what I’d like to see, kid?” 

“What?”

The lock twists, the deadbolt loosening until Alex can turn the knob. “You to keep this job up for a whole month. That’ll really be something.”

Alex has a point. This is worse than a teenager on the first day of some job consisting of strenuous work. But waitressing didn’t exactly qualify, although Piper sure made it look like it did. 

They reach Piper’s bedroom, and Alex sits her down on the mattress. She drops her bag of files and t-shirts and whatever else she had managed to grab, kicking it into the corner of the room. 

“Take off that stuff, Pipes.” 

But Piper doesn’t obey. She’s way past the point of independent actions, and Alex’s words just float over her. “And to think, that job made you more hopeless.” Alex grins, hands slipping under Piper’s top as she eases it up. But Piper doesn’t co-operate in the slightest, and Alex can’t pull it off. “You can make this a hell of a lot easier if you put your arms up.” Finally, Alex successfully gets it off, and finds a clean shirt to replace it.

It’s perhaps more of a task than removing a shirt proves to be – adding the testing element of co-ordination to the mix. Alex pushes Piper back against the mattress, and watches as Piper just stares at her as she pulls off her shoes. Her pants follow, with several tugs and even more requests for Piper to just lift off for a sec. She’s not even going to try replacing those.

Alex undoes her own jeans and slips them off, and through half-lidded eyes, Piper watches, but her eyes are bleary, so she doesn’t really process anything. Alex crawls onto the mattress, and Piper wastes no time in shuffling over to her. Alex opens her arms, and Piper buries her head into Alex’s chest. There’s something so simple about it, something so wonderful about it; that it anchors Alex’s attention. Piper just comes to her, completely naturally, like the moment she hits Alex’s skin and warmth, she’s home.

“How much money did you make today, kid?”

“Back pocket.” Piper mumbles.

Alex reaches down to the floor, feeling around for her pants and pulling the stuffed bills out of the pocket. She sorts through the bills, flipping them up the right way so they sit shuffled perfectly parallel. Alex turns the corners, silently counting as she flicks past each one. “Forty-one. And that’s just the tips. Not so bad, Pipes.”

Piper doesn’t comment, instead making a small sound in affirmative as she nuzzles a little further into Alex. She doesn’t make another sound past that – Alex knows she’s completely knocked out, and so she tries to stay as still as possible, just to make sure Piper isn’t disturbed. Alex listens to her breathing as it begins to even out. It gives Alex that giddy sensation all over again. 

She’s still holding that money, that slim lump of tips. Alex smiles into the darkness. She’s so fucking proud of Piper for earning that. Alex knows what makes a good waitress. Hell, she has a mother that’s fucking perfect at it. It’s being extra patient with difficult customers. It’s bending to their every request, even when you know it’s them in the wrong. It’s being able to co-ordinate. Piper’s none of that. But she goddamned tries, more than anyone else stuck in a shitty job, earning shitty money for even shittier bosses, that always want you to work the shittiest hours. And that makes all the difference. Piper didn’t just work for it. She fucking slaved for it. It reminds her of her mother, because it’s no different, really. 

It’s something Alex hadn’t given that much thought to, but the more she lets that thought grow, the more it dawns on Alex that her mother and Piper are very much alike. They’ve got that same spirit that can’t be crushed. The same perseverance. The same dedication. It makes Alex want to see how they’d act together. Makes her want to put them in the same room, make her two worlds collide. Her chest tightens for a split second, like a warning. It was a subconscious, innocent exploration of a theoretical, never-going-to-happen scenario; but Alex has never even thought about the possibility of Diane coming into contact with any of the girls she’s associated with. 

And just to have that thought scares her.

Alex puts it to the side. Locks it away. Pretends it never happened. Pretends it’s been wiped and deleted, and irreparably destroyed.

“Hey, you wanna know something?”

“Mmhm?”

“I’m really fucking proud of you, Pipes.”

For a moment, Piper looks blank. It’s as if being told something like that, receiving pure, genuine praise, is unusual. Uncommon. Halfway to bizarre. She smiles, and Piper’s eyes go bright as she darts them around, searching for some kind of marker that Alex is being truth. It’s almost disbelief. It makes something inside Alex just deflate. She thinks. Maybe that explains the whole eager-to-please thing.

Piper doesn’t say anything. She just smiles, returning to bury her head on Alex’s chest. Unruly strands of blond hair tickle against Alex’s neck, and so she threads them through her fingers, combing out the odd knot or so. There’s no way Alex can sleep – not when this feels to blissfully perfect, she can’t pass up a moment of it. She loves the weight of Piper sprawled out across her chest, how she can feel every breath she takes, feel it on her skin. She likes how vulnerable Piper is right now – trustful enough of Alex to just drop her guard, completely.

Alex tucks the shorter strands behind Piper’s ear, and runs her hands down her sides, just to feel the warmth of her skin under her fingertips. And something changes. Like some part of her is just transferred to Piper, something that feels like it might be her heart. She tries to focus on it, tries to feel that knot in her chest, gage how different it feels from yesterday or the day before. Because Alex knows it’s been getting a little tighter every day. 

She doesn’t ever want someone other than Piper to curl up with her, doesn’t ever want another person’s warmth to feel, to hold, to touch. It’s as if something has shut off, a break in a circuit or a malfunction in a production line. Someone flicked a switch. It feels like so many things. Like the beginning. Like the inescapable. Like home.

Alex dismisses the thought, because it feels like it can’t be dwelled on, not today, not now, when her heart feels so tight and bursting with so much, and she has absolutely no way of dealing with it. 

….

It’s just a few scant hours later when Piper finally stirs, groaning a little as she raises her head. “Welcome back.” Alex muses.

“Oh. How long was I asleep?” Piper asks, looking around the darkness to get her bearings.

“Good couple of hours. You were out.”

Alex watches as Piper gets herself up to speed, escaping that lagged territory that throws her mind notoriously off-balance. Piper sits up, eyes darting to the dimly illuminated clock on chest of drawers. It reads 03:21. Piper gives an exaggerated huff before collapsing back against the mattress. “Shit. There goes my sleeping schedule.”

Piper closes her eyes, trying to gage whether it’s worth trying to sleep for a few more hours. But she’s already wide-awake. She turns on her side, and looks back to Alex. “Am I keeping you from anything?” It sounds timid, and a little Piper’s bracing herself for disappointment.

Alex gives her a look. “At three in the morning? Just what do you think I do?”

“No, I meant…” Piper pauses to shuffle closer and fold her arms across Alex’s stomach. There’s a seriousness that overtakes Piper, and it’s so strange to see Piper like that, Alex feels her chest tighten as she automatically braces herself for a setback. “Like, well, I kind of sucked you in. Getting you over here…and I haven’t exactly given you an opening to go.”

Alex laughs easily. “Well, you know, I did actually find a door that opens from the inside, would you believe it? It’s like this prison is just asking to be escaped from.”

Piper nods, muttering, “right” under her breath. Alex doesn’t respond, because it feels like Piper’s got something more to say. So she just waits until Piper builds up the courage to say it.

“You really don’t need to go?” It’s more than that. It’s much more than Piper is prepared to let on. But it comes across anyway.

Alex shakes her head. “No, I really don’t.”

There’s something hidden in those words that catches Piper’s attention. Like she’s not actually referring to the present situation. Like somehow, this is some sort or promise. It feels unbreakable. Like there’s nothing that could ever change that. As if there is no break that could ever hope to sever. It strikes Piper as strange, and she can’t really get her head around it. Because the words fit the question, so why should she think they mean something different? Piper figures she can dwell on it later. After all, she’s got the new addition of many slow hours of work to just, think.

Alex is quiet for a while, but she appears to grow uncomfortable from having her previous words still linger in the air, and it seems to prompt her into the need to form a new conversation. 

“How was work?” Alex eventually asks.

Piper tightens her brow. “You really wanna know how it went?”

Alex lifts her glasses to the top of her head, just to show that she’s listening. “I do. Tell me all about all the orders you stuffed up, all about the crying fucken’ toddlers, all the unhappy couples not talking to each other. Tell me all of it.”

Piper kind of expected a response like that. It’s something that’s become inseparable to Alex. She’s slowly grown used to those snarky responses that are so characteristically Alex. Polly would ask her about her co-workers, or more specifically, if there were any cute guys. Cal would ask if there were cockroaches running around the kitchen. Her mother would ask her how long that ‘low grade’ job would last before it led to ‘better things’. But Alex would always ask the Alex questions. And those were the kinds of questions Piper wanted to answer most.

“Would I surprise you if I told you I didn’t stuff any orders?”

Alex laughs, a hint of skepticism in her voice. “Come on, you seriously didn’t? You didn’t, I don’t know, forget to specify no chilli for someone deathly allergic, and be horrified as the realisation dawns on you the second they take their first bite?”

A concerned look falls over Piper’s face. “That’s really dark, you know. You’re essentially insinuating I killed someone on my first day.”

“That would be the meaning of deathly allergic, Pipes.”

Piper’s eyes go wild, and there’s a moment where something flashes and disappears so quickly, it unnerves Alex a little. “I didn’t kill anyone!” Piper protests. Alex raises her voice to match Piper’s. “It’s okay if you did, babe. I’ll support you one-hundred percent when the private investigators rock up.”

Alex smirks, batting Piper’s hands away as she raises them in a failing attempt to shut Alex up. “I’ll explain that you’re way too innocent to involve yourself in such a disturbing scheme.”

Piper sighs, trying to get a word in edgewise as Alex continues to rile her up so deliberately. “I didn’t kill anyone!” Piper insists, dropping her head against Alex’s stomach in stubborn defeat.

Alex sniggers, running her fingers through Piper’s hair, her face angled defensively away. “Yeah. I know you didn’t.” Piper goes quiet for a while, sighing as she let’s Alex’s fingertips calm her back down. But Piper can feel that Alex isn’t done.

“But come on, Piper. There must be something that you’re just dying to share with me.”

Piper raises her head to glare daggers at Alex. “Was that deliberate? Because if so, I’m not telling you anything.”

Alex smirks - communicating to Piper that is was indeed intentional. But she senses that’s Piper’s had it with her quips, and decides to stop. “Okay, I take that one back.”

“Well, there was this one thing…” Piper begins apprehensively. 

Alex raises an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

Piper bites her lip, as though she’s contemplating whether or not it’s a smart decision to tell Alex, particularly given all the mockery that’s been directed towards her job. But Piper tells her anyway.

“I did mess up. There was this one order for calamari that I accidentally gave to someone who ordered salt and pepper squid, and vice versa.”

An amused smile works it’s way onto Alex’s lips. “Did they notice?”

“No. I stayed as far away from their tables as possible until they left.”

That sounds exactly like you, Alex thinks. “Nice job, babe. I’m sure the extensive experience from Steve’s Greek Cuisine and that fucken’ cheese place really helped.”

Piper’s cheeks flush, and all the jabs Alex took at her about her resume come rushing back. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

Alex shakes her head. “Fuck no. It’s fucking gold. I’m not letting you live that one down.” She pauses, mulling over a clarification. “The others, maybe. But that resume? It’s going to fucken’ haunt you.”

Alex feels Piper laugh against her stomach, and it makes Alex appreciate that Piper’s told her something she hasn’t told anyone else. Let her in something secret. Something that could evoke judgement, or embarrassment, or regret. But telling Alex actually makes her feel better. And for Alex, that’s really something.

“How was your day?”

Alex thinks for a moment. As far as Alex is concerned, today was the day she got her life back. Today was the day Sylvie finally fucking gone for good. Today was the day she had fulfilled a sort of contract for the cartel, and that was an immense demonstration of her worth. But all that kind of acted as a backdrop to what Alex considered the biggest win, which is that the apartment is freed up, and now they’re not stuck in keeping themselves locked up in Piper’s not-so-private and not-so-soundproof bedroom.

“Eventful.” Alex replies.

Alex can feel Piper beginning to grow drowsy, and it takes her a long time before she finally replies. “Mmm.” 

Alex shifts, sliding down against the mattress and turning onto her side. Piper copies, waiting until Alex is pressed up against her back before she reaches behind her to squeeze Alex’s hip reassuringly. 

“Hey, maybe next time, you could, I don’t know, stay at mine?”

Piper chuckles softly against the pillow. “What about your crazy girlfriend?”

Alex pauses, wondering how on earth she is meant to explain this to Piper. Where on earth she is meant to start, and how she can make Piper understand without coming across hazardous cartel territory.

“Yeah. About that. She’s more of an ex now.”

Piper stills for a moment. She swallows, keeping her eyes closed as her voice grows softer with each syllable. “News to me. As of when?”

“As of about twelve hours ago.”

Piper nods mutely, and it’s as if that’s enough to satisfy. Which is strange for Alex, because she expected an onslaught of questions when it came to Sylvie. After all, Piper certainly threw enough verbal curveballs her way the first time to prove that. But recently, Alex had noticed that Piper kind of shut off when it came to Sylvie, like she had somehow managed to dismiss all the moral guilt that Alex knew she’d quickly become riddled with.

“Are you okay?” Piper asks. 

Alex smiles into Piper’s hair, nodding against her neck. “I’m more than okay.”

She hadn’t expected it, but something in Alex propels her to explain further. Like she wants to tell Piper everything, lay all her cards on the table. Maybe it’s to rid herself of the guilt, because the guilt only started once Piper was so rudely informed of Sylvie’s presence. Alex takes a deep breath.

“Listen, Pipes, there’s more to that whole Sylvie thing than I actually told you.”

Piper isn’t sure whether that’s meant to be good or bad. She figures it doesn’t matter, because Alex chose her, and everything else is unequivocally irrelevant. So she’s soft and careful and open-minded, no matter how negative she wants to be about the situation. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not right now. But I promise, I’ll tell you the whole story another time.”

“You don’t have to.” Piper soothes.

“I know.” Alex whispers back. “I want to, though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's completely up to you how you read this, but I'm only using plain text on here, whereas on ffn.net, you get the italics and underlinings, that sort of thing. I'd suggest you read it there, because you're kinda missing out on a couple of elements without it. Up to you.


	8. Chapter 8

They fall into an easy routine – slip into it so easily neither is that aware of the change. It’s not important. 

It’s just logistics, Alex keeps reassuring herself. 

But it was more than just ease of co-ordination. It was a pattern. It was Piper’s hair lackeys in the bathroom, and her early-morning sighs as the dawn light invaded the bedroom. A string of complaints when she ransacked Alex’s fridge, going on about lack of fresh fruit and vegetables. Her jumpers wound up tucked into the couch, and her clothes gradually earned their way into the wash. It was Alex’s books splayed into her careful fingertips, left on various surfaces when her attention wandered, never quite making it back to the places she got them from.

Alex didn’t mind the things that Piper’s semi-permanent presence brought. In fact, she kind of liked it. Liked the unity. 

Piper’s shifts change week by week, and she’s often called upon to fill in the shifts no one wants to take. It’s sporadic, and it’s often late, but allows Alex a precious few hours to devote to getting her own work done. Piper had insisted that Alex didn’t have to drive her to work, saying that there’s got to be a bus. But Alex had just shaken her head, adamant that “public transportation sucked”, and that Piper would probably be late for every shift if Alex weren’t there to push her out the door. 

She was kind of right.

But in-between - in-between the late shifts and Alex’s call-outs, in-between where sometimes weekends meant work, and sometimes Thursdays meant sleep, were the times they stashed away for themselves. It wasn’t by any measure constant, and sometimes it falls closer to hours rather than days. But somewhere in the midst, they made it work.

It’s easy.

“Why don’t you just bring your stuff over here?” Alex calls down the hallway, for what felt like the tenth time she’s made the suggestion.

“Because!”

Alex shakes her head, watching as Piper goes from room to room; searching for a particular article of clothing she was positive she had already brought over here. There’s a bang, and Alex cranes her neck just in time to see Piper upturn the laundry basket, and flip through it hastily. “Stop your vandalising and come get breakfast. You’re insane.”

Piper emerges from the laundry annexe; scratching her head as she looks around, beaten. But she’s clearly not going to indulge Alex’s request, and just goes right back to her searching. Alex gathers up another spoonful of cereal, listening as Piper’s never-ending shiftings of things gets louder and louder, wordlessly pleading for Alex to help look. 

“I know I brought it with me. It’s gotta be here…” 

Piper brushes past the kitchen counter, ready to move onto the sofa and likely pull it apart in the hope of finding it. But Alex grabs her before she gets the chance, arm around linking her waist as she drags her to a halt. 

“Come on, babe. Just cool it for a second.” Piper frowns, looking back down at the half-eaten toast she’d abandoned. Alex kisses her forehead, pulling up another barstool and giving her a nudge to sit down. “I’ll take you back there.”

Piper sits, grudgingly taking another bite of toast. “You sure?”

Alex nods. “But for god’s sake, Piper, please get more than one thing this time. I’ve made three trips back this week alone.” 

Piper scowls, hastily finishing up chewing her mouthful of toast before turning to Alex, ready to protest. “That’s not true!” She insists, her tone steadfast.

Alex shakes her head, fishing her spoon around the bowl for the last remnants of cereal. “It’s completely true. I’ve been counting.”

Piper goes to respond right away; ready to insist that there’s simply no way Alex has taken her back three times already. But she pauses - a split second where she holds her tongue, and thinks back.

On Monday night, Alex had stumbled in the door, exhausted from sitting through hours of faking amusement at some important client’s house, under Fahri’s careful coaching. Alex feels like she’s never been more ready to crash, so drained she doesn’t even want to bother eating. But the minute her keys hit the bowl, Piper practically jumps on her, and she’s forced to steady the both of them before they lose balance. She’s upset, curtailing the wretched end of a nervous spiral before she can even tell Alex clearly what’s going on. Alex just gathers her up in her arms, listening to Piper’s muffled pleadings until they eventually form something resembling ‘early shift tomorrow’, and something about the absence of a clean uniform. Alex connects the dots. 

It takes a while, and a lot of running her fingers up and down Piper’s back, but eventually, Alex manages to get her halfway to calm. They pile into the car, with Piper muttering ‘thank you’ over and over again all through the drive to rescue the replacement shirt. Alex is adamant the trip shouldn’t be for nothing – so the end up getting milkshakes on the way. It’s too late for coffee.

Then there was Wednesday. There’s Piper standing in the middle of the bedroom, surrounded by a crater of clothes, a frown plastered on her face. “I don’t have anything to wear!” Piper declares, crossing her arms defensively. It was a free day, and that meant they both made an effort to get out of the house and do something together. That’s what sets Piper off, makes her so concerned about no finding anything to wear. Most of the time, she was quite content spending the days and nights in various states of undress, as long as she is safely concealed behind the brick walls. But going out was whole different matter. One that included pouts and protests and left Alex always suggesting all the ways the situation could potentially be resolved. Most of the time to no avail. But she tried anyway. 

“You mean besides the twenty things you just tried on?” 

Piper scowls, kicking a t-shirt halfway across the floor. “I can’t go out like this! That’s it, we can’t go.”

Alex hears her tone hit tantrum boiling-over point, and so she puts her book down, and goes over to the drawers. She extracts one of her own t-shirts – one of her favourites. She doesn’t mind if Piper wears it. Doesn’t mind if it eventually turns into hers, recruited into her already extensive wardrobe without consent. Alex gets a fizzy sensation run up her spine as she bunches up the shirt and pulls it over Piper’s head. 

It’s predictably big on her – sleeves dangling at her elbows, the v-neck dipping quite low on her chest. Piper looks down, clearly unconvinced. But Alex finds Piper’s jeans – dark skinny denim with a cut at the knee. Piper puts one leg through followed by the other, holding onto Alex’s shoulder for support. Once she does them up, Alex swats her hand away from fidgeting with the top, tucking the front messily into her jeans. It works.

It satisfies Piper, for most of the day at least, until she starts incessantly begging to make a side trip back to Polly’s on the way home. Despite the fact that Polly’s is nowhere near the route to get home, not even close. Alex gives in. 

Eventually.

By Thursday afternoon, Piper manages to find a whole list of things she needs. Alex is immediately suspicious; certain there’s no way anyone can run out of necessities so quickly. But Piper won’t let Alex near the list, tucking it away in her pocket whenever Alex comments, “If you just show me the list, I’ll take you back.” It takes less than two hours of Piper’s grumblings to wear Alex down.

“It hasn’t been three times, Alex. It’s been more like…” There’s a pause, and nothing ends up following as Piper recalls the distinctly three occasions this week Alex had driven her back.

“Three?”

“Fine! It’s been three. But you offered!” It a low blow, and a crappy one, too. Out of the three trips, only one had been voluntary.

Alex rolls her eyes, not even bothering to argue back on that one. Because there’s a bigger problem they’re avoiding talking about. Something like what is this, or are we getting serious here. Alex would prefer the topic wasn’t discussed. Rather keep the situation as it was – with Piper around. With Piper staying. With Piper’s late-night conversations to drive her insane and Piper’s early morning wandering hands to wake her up.

But Piper’s being avoidant and difficult and downright annoying with all this how much of my stuff can I actually keep here business. 

“Okay, let’s talk.” Alex pulls Piper off the seat and motions to her lap. A creep of a smile winds it’s way onto Piper’s face as she turns around and allows Alex to hoist her up onto her lap. Alex runs her hands down Piper’s arms, anchoring their hands together. “Your stuff can stay here.” Alex pauses, feeling Piper begin to relax and sink a bit closer. “You practically live here. And, unless you’ve had enough…”

Unless you’ve had enough. 

Of me. Of this. Of record shops and workplace mockery. Of 10pm beers and getting wrapped up for hours underneath the sheets during the day. Piper’s stomach lurches. She doesn’t want this to be over. She doesn’t want this to ever be over. There’s an extended silence left for Piper to make a decision. To decide what it’s going to be. It’s not the kind of explicit terms she’d like to have. Some solid answer to answer the questions that bug her from time to time. But this is Alex’s way of giving her that confirmation. And it’s got to be better than nothing.

“Okay.”

“Okay-what?”

Piper turns, lifting up her arm to snake it around Alex’s neck. She catches a look in her eye – something Piper hadn’t detected in her voice. It’s insecurity. It’s please don’t go and I hope what we have is good enough for you all rolled into one. It strikes her as more telling than her ultimatum does. She can’t say what this is and what she means, not yet, but it’s still there, bubbling just under the surface. There’s more of it than Piper thought.

Piper’s voice is soft and laced with hope. “I’ll bring more than one thing.” 

It’s code for I’ll bring my stuff. 

It’s code for I haven’t had enough. 

It’s code for I’m staying right here – in your life, in you, and I’ll latch myself in so tight we’ll bind together.

….

Ales wishes there were some way to put this off, even for just a little while; but it’s gone on long enough, and she’s running out of excuses. For all the time Alex has spend dwelling over it, getting angry over it, delaying it, then getting guilty about not doing it earlier; Alex is immensely frustrated she hasn’t managed to come up with a single solution. Some way to keep Piper in the dark. But there’s no way to do that.

It feels supremely unfair, to finally reach a stage where it’s working, where everything feels right. They’ve both managed to hint that this is permanent, and now, that’s threatened with a serious compromise.

Alex lets her head fall back against the top of the sofa, squeezing her eyes shut. She summons up all the courage she possesses, and even then, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be enough. “Piper?”

“Yeah?”

“Come here a moment.”

Piper raises her eyebrows, lips slightly upturned. She’s happy. She’s oblivious. It’s so fucking unfair to ruin that. Alex gestures for her to come sit down, slipping her hands around the backs of Piper’s knees to pull her onto her lap. 

Piper settles, and patiently waits for Alex to speak. 

Alex stays quiet. There’s this wary look in her eyes, uncertain, and it doesn’t seem like it’s just the light. Piper catches it. Tries to decipher it. But it doesn’t seem even sure of itself. Immediately, Piper feels a pang of apprehension shuffle through her. Alex is always certain. Always so sure of everything - knows all the cards, has all the answers. But right now, Alex looks like she couldn’t find right if it stared her in the face. 

Piper can’t recognise her, and for a fleetingly cold moment, it gives Piper the impression that she’s falling.

Alex watches the curl of her mouth drop. Watches as innocence slinks away, watches it be replaced by a much more terrifying dread. Piper’s eyes dart to hers, and they search, and they search harder, for an answer. 

Alex feels her eyes drown with all too much moisture. Piper notices, and her whole body stiffens – Alex can feel it. It’s like her body just shuts off, goes into survival mode, and after split second, her mind follows. Piper’s eyes go dark, and the only thing left is hurt.

Piper’s mind spins into a ceaseless circuit, thinking this is over, this is over, this is over. It’s her first response. And gut-wrenchingly, no others follow. 

Alex runs her hands up Piper’s arms, knowing she’ll probably pull away. But strangely, she’s rooted to the spot, and she doesn’t shiver like she usually does. Alex begins to think that having Piper shake her off might be preferable.

Piper’s thinking the worst. Don’t let her think that. You can’t let her ever think that.

She manages to speak – the only thing pushing her to open her mouth is how goddamned terrified Piper looks right now. “No, it’s…not that…” Alex pauses, cringing at how completely fucking incompetent she sounds, that she can’t even fucking speak without blundering her way through it.

“I have to go away for a while…it’s business.”

There. You said it.

But there is no relief in saying it. Alex expected there to be some, even just a flicker, but you’ve crushed Piper anyway. “It’s just for a few days, I promise.”

Alex wants a response. Wants to nudge her, prompt her into replying, acknowledging that it’s not quite as bad as she thought it was. Into saying something, anything, just to prove that she’s still there, that she’s hearing this, that she’s okay.

Piper’s looks halfway to crying, and Alex desperately hopes she can hold it back, because Alex doesn’t think she can bear to see that. 

“And I’ll be back. Nothing changes, Pipes. I swear, nothing changes.”

Piper meets Alex’s eyes, and holds them; opening up to Alex’s words. She lets them fill her up, lets such hopeful promise float through her, but she’s still empty, and no matter how much Piper tries, they don’t fulfil. They won’t fulfil. Usually, Alex just has to speak to convince Piper this way or that. There’s nothing to it. Alex doesn’t even have to try. But this time, it’s different.

It’s the one thing that’s kept them from hopelessly falling so far from reality you forget what reality is. It’s the one thing that’s kept them just a slither apart, with just enough breathing space for the hurt to not feel quite as blazing. It’s the one thing that’s kept them from what perfection might be like.

Piper’s voice breaks in two, struggling to keep up with the pain that’s burning at the back of her throat. “You can’t do this. Don’t do this.” 

Alex’s eyes are wet, as if just one more push will make them all fall at once. Like that’s all it would take to break her. But her voice retains its strength more than Piper’s can hold out for, and it comes off as more than a little unforgiving.

“Piper, I don’t have a choice. It is what it is. I’m sorry this has to happen, I really am.”

Piper shakes her head. “No. That’s not fair. Alex, please, just don’t...”

Alex sighs, swallowing harshly as she tries to keep her emotions at bay. She wishes she could do what Piper says, just don’t. Just don’t get on that plane, just stop this madness, and just stay.

It’s simply not that easy. It’s simply not something Alex can do. 

Alex feels her throat begin to collapse under the pressure of holding everything back. She doesn’t want to cry. So she tries to toughen up, because it’s the only way she can do this. Her voice is brittle and jagged, but Alex pushes it back. 

“It doesn’t work like that, Piper. No amount of pleading is gonna change that.”

It’s harsh, and comes off as frustrated. Piper retracts, drops her head as a single tear runs down her cheek. She leaves Alex’s lap, slinking back until her feet touch the ground. Alex tries to grab her shirt, to make sure she can’t go anywhere. Her chest lurches as Piper retreats out of reach, and Alex tries to follow, but she can’t get up.

“Wait, no. Piper! That’s not how I…I didn’t mean…”

Alex’s words fail, and she knows the damage is already done. Piper keeps her face hidden from Alex, hair falling over her face to conceal the streaks of runaway tears. Piper disappears out of view down the hallway, and Alex desperately wants to follow, but knows she shouldn’t.

So Alex sits there, head falling hopelessly into her hands. She rewinds, unravelling it in her mind, over and over, searching for some point she should’ve changed course. She probably shouldn’t have snapped. No, she knows shouldn’t of done that. 

Alex can’t escape the feeling that they’ve slipped, separated themselves; put so much distance between each other it’s unlikely either can make their way to the other side. But what Alex can’t get her head around is how fucking seamlessly and easily that happened. It was just a trickle, a bit of anger, a slight unresolved resentment that came from Alex’s career choice and Piper’s disapproval. And that’s all it was. Perhaps Alex was too slow to acknowledge it, not catching it in time to stop it. But it’s happened, and it’s not something Alex can take back.

The minutes tick by, each one feeling more extended than the last, filled with an inescapable tension that makes each second carry an oppressive weight. A few tears make an escape and run down Alex’s cheeks, but she wipes them away almost angrily. She doesn’t deserve to cry. Not when she’s the one to blame. The apartment is deadly quiet, and it’s almost sickening. It’s never been this silent. 

Somewhere dark within, Alex can’t shake the feeling that she knew this was coming. Expecting, anticipating that at some point, she’s going push more than Piper can pull back. Because Alex is the stronger, the more grounded. She doesn’t crack. But even without seeing it happening, Alex always knew Piper was the more fragile. 

As if proving her thoughts, Alex can hear fractured cries coming from bedroom, sounding defeated. Alex panics, stomach lurching painfully. It’s all your fault. It’s all your fault.

Alex feels her heart just implode – shatter into a million pieces. She wants to follow the impulsive urge to go to her, to break right through all the barriers they’re reinforced, and comfort her. But she can’t get there. She can’t gather Piper up in her arms; run her hands up and down her back. Can’t soothe her without taking everything back. Anything short of that would just hurt more.

It’s thick and wet, even through all the walls that separate them. Selfishly, Alex wishes she’d just stop, calm down, just a notch, so she can’t hear her. It’s too painful. Alex contemplates yelling out, pleading with her to just shut up. But her throat narrows, and not a sound will break through.

So Alex sits. And waits. Her eyes are blank, glancing around at the black television screen, surrounded on all sides by books. But it’s like her eyes aren’t seeing anything, every sense singularly focused on blocking the sounds out. 

There has never been a time where Alex felt this distanced from Piper. Never been a time where there was something she couldn’t fix.

Minutes turn into hours, and eventually, Alex realises it’s got to be close to midnight. She’s exhausted, but Piper has finally stopped, and there’s nothing but brutal silence for company. Alex pulls the blanket up, eyes fighting to stay open. There’s no stimulus to keep her awake, and eventually, she drifts off, chest still tight and wrapped in so much guilt it doesn’t leave her alone.

Alex doesn’t know how many hours pass; how many times she’s jolted awake, fitfully, only to discover that nothing has changed. The room is still dark, and Piper’s still upset, and everything is so wrong it takes a lot of convincing to admit that this the reality she can’t wake up from.

It’s still dark when Alex feels Piper moving around in the kitchen. She’s treading quietly, so as to not wake Alex up. The sink is turned on, a glass placed underneath until it’s full. Alex strains to hear more, expecting Piper to tiptoe back to the bedroom, as silently as she can. But the water runs again, another cup filled an inch before tipping point and placed on the counter. Alex tries to make sense of it, but before she can, Piper creeps over to the couch, a cup held in each hand. She doesn’t say a word, even when she can see that Alex is awake. She just holds out the extra cup.

It’s a truce.

Alex takes it, taking a sip before placing it on the floor. Piper does the same, slower, like she’s waiting for Alex to tell her what to do. Like she’s waiting for an invitation, or a rejection. Alex pulls the blanket back, sitting up as she takes the cup from Piper and puts it beside her own. Piper hovers for a minute, looking at the space beside Alex; the pulled back sheet that asks her to climb in. 

Finally, she crawls in, and Alex pulls Piper flush against her stomach, so there’s no more space left between them. She winds her fingers through Piper’s hair, slowly, in the hope that it might melt everything else away. Piper takes a deep breath, her whole body abandoning the tension.

“How long?” Piper whispers after a while. It’s soft and delicate, like she’s searching for something to hold on to. 

“About six days. It’s not the kind of thing that gets set in stone.” Alex pauses. “Could be longer.”

She’s completely honest this time, doesn’t try to justify herself out of it. Alex presses a kiss to Piper’s neck, and another at the corner of her jaw, pulling back quicker than she usually does.

Piper reaches for Alex’s hand, pulling it down to drape over her stomach. “Promise me it will work out.”

“I promise you, Pipes. It will work out.”

There’s a pause, like Piper is trying to accept that. Imprint it on her heart. Make sure it’s never forgotten, and never strayed from.

“Promise me it will be okay.”

“It’s gonna be okay.”

Piper goes to speak again, and Alex hears her breath catch in her throat right before she does.

“Promise me you won’t let go.”

Piper chooses not to specify what that really means. But she doesn’t need to, because Alex already knows exactly what that means. 

“I promise.”

It’s so much easier to sleep when Piper’s right beside you. With her breath even and easy, steady and patient, as you unwind, slacken. It’s not completely right. It hasn’t returned to the way it was before. You can feel the difference. But it’s better. You’re a little less angry with each other, a little less hurt. Slightly more accepting, slightly less stubborn. 

….

By the time morning rolls around, it all feels too soon. Their muscles are sore from the limited space the couch allows, and the sunlight isn’t forgiving as it starts to slide up the window. Their bodies wake up together, like they always do, stirred by the frequency of the other’s movements, the restlessness in their bones. 

Piper buries her head in Alex’s chest in an effort to return to darkness. But before long, light spills into the room, and neither can escape it any longer. Piper raises her head, checking to see if Alex is awake. 

Piper’s eyes are red. That’s the first thing Alex notices. It makes her stomach lurch all over again, and she desperately wants to fix it. “C’mere…” 

Alex pulls her up a little closer, letting Piper move over until she’s resting against her stomach. Her hand skims the floorboards, feeling around for a cup. She dunks her fingers into the water and brings them back up, running her thumb under Piper’s eyes.

Piper mumbles a thank you, but further than that, neither says another word. 

There’s the inescapable feeling that they’ve done some damage to each other, accompanied by a strange resentment, and a strong urge to take everything back.

“I don’t want to do that again.” Piper stammers.

“Do what?”

“Fight.”

Alex releases a shaky breath. She hadn’t expected an argument to happen so quickly. In such a fragile space of time. It seems almost inevitable that it will happen again. Like a horrible, unavoidable truth that looms over them, that lurks behind the next turn, the next corner. And if by some supreme stroke of luck, they bypass it, it will hide behind the one after that. There’s going to be more hurt. Alex knows that. There’s going to be a steady resentment that grows as slow and as stealthily as vines. And no doubt, more anger.

Alex closes her eyes, burying herself in Piper’s freshly scented hair. Maybe they will be okay. 

Maybe.

“Yeah. Let’s not.”

….

Over the next few days, neither can shake the feeling that they’re treading on eggshells. They act timid, and are overly apologetic at accidental shoulder bumps in the hallway. They have to try hard to strike up a conversation that lasts more than a few short sentences. 

And it’s with all that missing that Piper begins to realise just how much of their relationship relies on how in-sync they are. Without the conversation, without the snarks and the sarcasm, they are quickly stifled by the silence, and grow uneasily distant. Without the touches of fingers when they both go for the same cup, without Alex’s hands running teasingly up and down Piper’s spine, they don’t end up falling into bed together. They don’t end up against walls, or leaning against the bathroom vanity, getting more than a little carried away with the heat of each other’s skin. They don’t touch. They don’t talk. They end up at different ends of the house, and even when they’re next to each other, it doesn’t feel like any improvement.

Piper has work, so Alex drives her, but it’s deadly quiet, and neither of them has the faintest idea what to say. Nobody even goes to shove a tape into the deck. Piper keeps glancing over at Alex, but her expression is hard and determined, and it scares Piper a little.

Piper doesn’t say anything. She just keeps her eyes fixed on the road, glancing around every once in a while; just to see if Alex gives anything away. By the time they are almost there, Alex suddenly shakes her head, and turns off the main road into a near-empty parking lot. Alex cuts the ignition, cranking back the handbrake like she’s trying to rip it out. Piper watches as Alex slumps against the wheel, hands against her forehead. 

“I don’t know what we’re doing, but whatever it is, it’s not fucking working.”

Now would be a great opportunity to get angry. But Piper can’t think past the hurt to actually access anything she could try and throw back at that. Because it’s Alex that made this situation. It’s Alex that’s going, Alex who’s leaving. But somehow, it feels like they’re both equally at fault.

Piper’s voice is reduced to a whisper when she speaks. “I know.”

“We were fine three days ago. We were better than ever. And now we’re a fucking toxic wasteland.”

Alex is crying. That’s the only thing Piper can register. And it’s so much of a shock, Piper almost kids herself into thinking she must be mistaken. But Alex has her hands on the wheel, and she’s hiding behind them, so in the end, it’s still surprising; but it makes some kind of sense.

Piper shifts around in her seat, trying to ignore how much her stomach is overturning, and how much her head feels like it’s going to explode. Piper reaches out to touch her, but just before she makes contact, she thinks better of it, and pulls away. Piper stays quiet for a while, head tipped downcast like she’s a child in trouble. 

“You know what changed.”

“No, I don’t!” Alex starts, sitting up suddenly as she tightens her fists. “I really don’t. I’m not going away forever. I’m coming back. You get that, right? I’m coming back.”

Alex’s eyes are overly saturated, and it looks like it’s taking up all her energy not to break down completely. Her lip is tightly kept hostage between her teeth, and she won’t let go. 

“That’s not the point, Alex. You know it isn’t. It’s just…”

Alex cuts her off. “It’s just what, Piper?” She’s getting angry, she’s seething, and it feels dangerous. Piper wishes she could get out of the car, because Alex is more than a little intimidating when she gets like this. But Piper knows it’s not going to help the situation if she walks away. 

Piper closes her eyes, hoping she might just disappear. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

Alex stares at her, like she’s not finished, like she’s not going to stop. As if what Piper says just isn’t good enough, and she wants the truth, the whole truth, and Alex is prepared to do almost anything to get it. Alex opens her mouth again, and Piper feels her stomach tighten as she prepares herself for whatever Alex is about to throw at her. But Alex turns away, forcefully unlocks the door, and gets out.

Alex sucks in a sharp breath, and forces herself to calm down. Counts to ten. Tries to get her head around the fact that this isn’t going to be solved. She leans against the car, fresh air flooding into her lungs that seems to flush the anger right out of her. It’s a relief not to feel it anymore.

After a few minutes, she gets back in, and hauls her bag from the back seat. She tries not to let Piper see the way her hands shake as she files through it, looking for a cigarette. She lets it hang from the corner of her mouth as she searches for a lighter.

“I have work in five minutes.” Piper says softly.

Alex nods her head. “I know. I’ll drive fast.”

….

By the time Piper’s shift comes within grasping distance of ending, she begins to wish she didn’t have to face the task of seeing Alex again. If phones had been allowed during work hours, Piper would have told her not to come. But they’re not, so she didn’t. So she’s still stuck into returning to all that guilt and all those things that make it feel like they’re pulling each other apart. 

Perhaps they are.

Alex doesn’t appear at the corner table. And by seven, Piper is more than a little worried with what that might mean. She tries, and tries harder, to convince herself that Alex is just angry, and that’s why she’s not here. And suddenly, all those thoughts that made her want to hide from Alex seem dreadfully selfish. 

A steady bubbling of worry builds at the back of Piper’s throat, and she’s glad there are no more customers to wait on, because even the thought of speaking seems like much more than she is prepared to handle. Her eyes continually dart back to the clock, and she checks it so frequently, it seems like it’s stopped working.

A thought flashes like headlights through her mind, what if something’s happened. What if it’s something bad, something terrible, who is going to let you know?

Instantly, all the things she’s spent the past six hours dwelling over: about how if Alex wasn’t working for a fucking drug cartel, they might have avoided falling into this trap, about how Piper wants to have a talk with her, a real talk, about how they seem to be spiralling out of control; feel completely small and pointless. 

If something has gone wrong, if Alex gotten herself into trouble, if she’s done something stupid like driven angry; if it was bad, Piper would never forgive herself for spending hours fixating over Alex going away for a few days. An uncomfortable chill races down Piper’s spine, and she feels cold all over.

She’s allowed to go, so she jams her clocking card into the machine, and wrestles with her jacket. Her eyes scan one last time around the restaurant, just in case she’s missed her, but she’s not there. 

The dry, frozen air hits her the second she swings through the door, and her eyes prick at the assault.

“Alex!” She calls, not quite shouting and not quite pleading as she searches the parking lot.

Her heart seems to stop the minute she finds her, because she’s there, she’s fine, and fuck, Piper’s ready to give her absolute hell for putting her into such a goddamn panic like that.

Alex looks up, unusually timid as she leans against the car, her coat pulled tight to her body. It’s pure stubbornness that prevented her from going inside. It’s fucking pride. It’s so typical of Alex to go and do that. 

Piper doesn’t know what makes her do it, but she wants to be next to Alex as quickly as possible, and the quickest way to get to her is to run. So she does. The minute she hits her, Piper links her arm around Alex’s neck, a little too forcefully, and buries her head in her coat. Piper pulls her close and keeps her there, not caring that it’s probably forcing Alex to bend at an awkward angle.

“You scared me. You-you-I was so fucking petrified, Alex. I was…so scared.” It’s not entirely coherent, and Piper keeps tripping from one half-sentence to the next, making a string of disjointed discontinuances, until the only thing that really comes across is how many emotions she’s struggling to make sense of. 

Piper can’t see her face, but Alex brings her hands to slide up her back, before they find a spot to rest, and squeeze back. It’s a comforting pressure, steadying almost, and gradually, Piper remembers to breathe. 

“Pipes…”

“Don’t ever to that to me again. I was scared to death.”

“I-”

“It doesn’t matter how angry you are, Alex. You don’t fucking do that. You sit in that damn chair, you stay there, I don’t care if you fucking brood yourself into insanity. Just don’t go off. Promise me that.”

Piper feels Alex nod gently against her, bringing her hand up to brush Piper’s hair away and press her lips to her forehead. “Okay.”

There’s a tight knot of uneasiness in Piper’s stomach, and she closes her eyes, feeling the fabric of Alex’s coat surround her face. It feels safe like this, just buried there, breaths drawn, kept, and then lost into a mist of bitter air. The longer she stands there, leaning into Alex, feeling her steady intake of breath more tightly against her ribs, the more it feels like they’re memorising the presence of one another, and erasing every second they weren’t. There’s a strong sense of nostalgia, but nostalgia for what, Piper’s not sure.

If this is young love, this it’s fucking terrible, Piper thinks, sinking a little more into Alex’s coat.

Once it feels like enough, once it feels like they can part without breaking, Piper gets the urge to tilt her head up and kiss Alex. But it’s been days, and Piper feels like she hasn’t earned that privilege back quite yet.

….

Piper wraps her arms around herself, chin resting on her arm as she watches Alex toss clothes and files of coded paperwork into a suitcase. She feels like a child watching their parents break apart. Watching the night when one moves to the spare bedroom, and the other doesn’t return at night. And suddenly, there’s no more unity. Suddenly, you’re on your own.

“I don’t want you to go.” Piper’s voice is soft, threaded with how alone she feels.

“I know that, Pipes. But I don’t have a choice.”

It hurts, because Piper’s come to depend on her presence. Knows she’s only ever a few hours away. It’s the thought that gets her through the slow hours of work. Just wondering at what moment Alex will walk in, cockily sit down in the corner, order something she doesn’t really want. It’s what she wakes up to – when she turns over in the morning, and there’s always Alex.

Always. 

It’s entirely selfish, but it still doesn’t change anything. Slowly, the realisation creeps up on her: no amount of pleading is going to convince Alex to stay. No amount of anything will make Alex change her plans. No matter how much it hurts.

Something about that makes Piper feel extraordinarily second-best.

Piper watches as Alex paces, mentally checking off things she needs, until all that remains are the things she still needs, the basics. Toothbrush. Recharger. 

A passport sits on the bedside table. Piper opens it, but it’s not Alex’s. It has her picture, but not her name. Not her hometown or her age. It’s not her at all. It’s another version of Alex, and Piper can guess there’s probably about ten more. 

Her stomach knots up, and she’s sickened. She drops it back on the table, and it slides away. Piper wishes she hadn’t seen that. Wishes she hadn’t looked. Wishes she wasn’t disposed with that unshakeable curiosity that made her open it. She doesn’t want to know anything about the business. Because if it’s not altogether visible, Piper can just about convince herself it doesn’t exist.

Alex sits down beside her, and pulls something out of her pocket. “Put your hand out.” 

Piper looks at her, tentatively raising her hand. Alex laughs. 

“Palm facing up, dork.”

“Do I close my eyes?”

“Nah, it’s not that fucking special, Pipes.”

Alex closes her hand over Piper’s, and something drops into her palm. A serrated edge feels cool against her skin. Like metal. Kind of like-

Oh.

“For you. For whenever you want.”

Alex doesn’t remove her hand, because the realisation is already written all over Piper’s face. 

It’s a key. 

“Alex! You’re serious?” 

It fills her with nervous excitement; like that slender piece of metal in her hand is the greatest gift in the world. And second to Alex, it kind of is. “You’re sure? I mean, this could all be some elaborate plan for me to steal your record collection, or trash the place or-”

Alex cuts her off, grasping the sides of Piper’s face as she pulls her in and captures her lips. It’s not soft. It’s not desperate. It’s simply knowing. It’s written in the way Alex parts her lips and makes Piper’s stomach bubble and burn. They’re both in way too deep.

Piper laughs against her lips, for no other reason than she’s so damn happy. Relief thrums over her in waves, and she lets everything go, just for the time being, and shoves it away, outside the curtain of hair that surrounds them. 

There’s a moan from one of them, but Piper can’t tell who makes it. Piper shifts position, swinging her leg around until she’s straddling Alex, still connected to her lips as they down fall against the mattress. 

Alex breaks just in time, because she wants to give Piper an answer before it’s too late. “You’re not going to trash the place. You’re not going to steal my record collection. I know you. I know what you’re like. You’re not about to screw me over like that. We’re a fucking team.”

There’s a strange relief when they start to peel off each other’s clothes, start to feel hot breaths tight against skin, start to move. It’s been days, which for them, is like a marathon stretch of abstinence. But the gap doesn’t really seem to exist – they flip right back to where they left off, and there’s not that hesitation that comes from time apart. 

They move a little slower, though, and Alex in particular is uncharacteristically tender. She does things she usually doesn’t. She swipes her hands over Piper’s calves, trails her fingertips in in circles on Piper’s back. She spends a lot more time focusing on Piper’s face, and chooses to touch her hands and her stomach over the parts she naturally gravitates to.

It’s a lot like healing, and Piper has to admit, they communicate much better like this, when there’s an absence of words, apart from occasional sounds that form whimpers and moans, and every once in a while, wrap around the syllables of each other’s name. 

When they finally pull up the sheet, it’s no longer the darkest part of the night. Piper’s exhausted, from the day, from the strength it’s taken to fight with Alex, from everything it’s taken to get back to this. They don’t sleep. Instead, they whisper things, pointless things, insignificant things, everything that’s the complete opposite of all the weight their conversations have carried over the past few days. 

Eyes close, just for a little while, but they never fall out of consciousness, because neither can pass up a moment of just resting, recovering. 

But the knowledge that the dawn is still gradually approaching never manages to be completely forgotten.

….

Morning arrives way too quickly. Piper watches as Alex gets up, tugs on a t-shirt, and goes to take a shower. Piper doesn’t bother to get up. She just waits, in the simple hope that if she just stays perfectly still, time might pass. That flight might take off, without Alex. 

It’s slightly disappointing when Alex emerges, her hair damp and her makeup fresh as she goes from drawer to drawer, selecting. Alex catches on to Piper’s act, and throws her a good try kind of glance. “If you wanna come to the airport, you’re gonna have to get up.”

The drive to the airport is certainly an improvement from the last drive they took together. Piper is quick to find a tape she likes, slot it in and turn it up nearly full volume. But by the time they pull up into the short term parking bays, it seems to hit Piper all at once. 

She’s going to leave here, alone.

Alex grabs her suitcase and her bag, and takes the car key off her key ring. “There’s no spare for it, so keep it safe.” Piper nods, pocketing it.

Alex drapes her arm over Piper’s shoulders and pulls her in close. “Let’s go.”

The airport feels oddly claustrophobic. There’s a digital reading of the time in every direction, and you can’t escape from it, no matter how hard Piper tries. The board overhead lists all the outgoing flights, and Alex pulls out her ticket to match it up. Piper glances at the ticket, eyes glazing over the print. The destination reads ‘Berlin – GER’ , and it suddenly occurs to Piper that she hadn’t even bothered to ask where she was going. What timezone she would be in. In fact, she hadn’t asked a single question about it.

Piper feels between them for Alex’s hand, and anchors it with her own. Alex squeezes back. 

“This way, Pipes.” 

Piper’s allowed to stand in the line for economy, even though it’s obvious she’s not going anywhere. She stands close to Alex the whole time – as close as she can possibly get. Piper rests her head against Alex’s shoulder, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. 

She memorises it, this, how this feels, keeping Alex’s warmth close, until the last possible minute. Piper has no idea what she’s going to do when they call for boarding.

Two backpackers stand in front of them, and their packs look heavy, but they seem to be accustomed to the weight, despite the fact they could easily be slid along the ground. One of them turns around, and smiles when he sees the way Alex and Piper aren’t willing to let a single inch between them. 

“You should go together.” 

Alex smiles, kissing the top of Piper’s head. “Yeah. Yeah, we should.” 

For a brief second, Alex finds herself thinking about it, and for a moment longer, lets herself consider the fantasy of it. If Piper could board that plane with her, everything would be so much better. 

“You travel together often?” Piper asks.

The companion turns around, her blonde hair being hastily secured into a ponytail. “Yep. Ever since high school. I don’t think we could do it without each other.” The girl turns, screwing her nose up affectionately to her boyfriend. He mimics, holding his fist out. She bumps it back. 

“Nah. Something horrendous would definitely happen.”

They smile, turning back around as they are called to a counter for check-in. Piper watches as they dump their packs on the scale, and present their passports. It makes Piper more than a little jealous. Not that they get to go away to all the distant lands she has no clue about, but because they get to go together. 

She envies that choice. Because she isn’t given one, she can’t have one. 

“I wish that was us.” Piper says, her voice surfing over a mildly dejected sigh.

Me too, Alex thinks.

They are called to a counter, and Alex doesn’t let to of Piper’s hand, even when she has to struggle to hand over her passport. 

“No liquids, dangerous items, flammables, aerosols in your carry-on?” 

Alex shakes her head. “No.”

The attendant flips through the pages of the passport, stamping a fresh page about a third of the way through. “Your flight boards at gate twelve. Final call is twenty minutes before take-off. You’re good to go.”

“Great. Thanks.”

….

Piper feels Alex take a deep breath, and she knows this is goodbye. Alex goes to say something, but Piper just turns into her, and buries her face in Alex’s neck. She’s more than a little scared to move. Like if she does, they will tear apart, and Piper’s not quite sure what that would do to her heart.

“It’s just for a little while.”

“I know.”

“We can talk on the phone.”

“Yeah.”

“When it’s done, when I get back, we go back to the way things were.”

There’s a long, protracted silence when Piper doesn’t reply.

“I miss you already.”

Alex squeezes her eyes tightly shut, because when Piper says it like that, it makes something inside her just snap. She tries not to cry. Tries to hold all those churning emotions back, because if they start, Alex doesn’t think she can stop them.

It’s in that moment, with Piper so tightly tucked against her, that Alex realises just what Piper means to her. What they mean to each other. How fucking screwed they are. There’s some part of her that admits she knew this was coming. Alex had just expected it to creep up, rather than flood all at once. 

It seems to burst, and disperse within her, like something being set free. There’s a strange, out of place relief to accompany it. 

Perhaps it’s the buzzing atmosphere of the airport, or the rush going on around them that makes it feel like they’re the only thing not going forward. But something impels Alex into believing that this is the moment she’s been waiting for.

You want to say it. But you haven’t played with the words, haven’t felt how they feel in your mouth, and you need to do that first. You haven’t tried the kill-switch: how it would sound if you needed to shut it all down, and crush those broken syllables as you suffocate them in your throat.

So Alex doesn’t. She runs into a wall when she attempts to open her mouth, and she can’t say them. Instead, she swallows them back. 

Alex breaks away just enough to kiss her, and it’s a little rushed. Piper clutches at her arms, and her tongue is desperate as it slips inside Alex’s mouth. They begin to lose balance, and regretfully are forced to pull back. Piper hangs her head, bringing her hand up to hastily wipe away a few stray tears. Alex pulls her close again, kissing her forehead, followed by her cheek. She moves close to Piper’s ear, and whispers, “Gonna miss you, kid.” Her breath falls around her ear as she pauses. “More than you know.”

Alex moves to her lips, and Piper knows this is it. This is goodbye. It works better this time. It leaves so many promises smothered against lips.

“Bye, Alex.”

“Bye, kid.”

Piper watches as she turns and leaves, and as she disappears past security, Piper can’t escape the feeling of how stuck she is compared to Alex. She might not be on her way to better things. It might not even be on her way to legal things. But she’s got direction - she’s going places, and Piper’s…well, staying.

Piper desperately wishes she could follow her. 

….

Alex makes it past security without breaking down, and it takes everything in her to keep a straight face. She moves through security, and when she collects her bag, Alex immediately turns towards the sign for the bathrooms. She goes into the first one she sees, and locks it behind her. She needs a minute to breathe, to get past how overwhelming this all is.

Alex can’t help but deviate a thought back to those backpackers. To that unmistakable connection of teenage sweethearts that seemed to radiate off them. Alex wonders if that would make the difference. If Alex had met Piper years ago, when they were younger, when they still possessed just the right amount of recklessness to choose the impulsive over the rational. Whether Alex would even be going away to organise drug contracts.

….

When Piper finally realises she’s been standing in the same spot blankly for close to five minutes, she finally turns on her heel, and heads back to the glass doors. It’s strange walking without Alex. It’s like she has become so accustomed to Alex’s gait, she’s forgotten what her natural pace is. With Alex, she always has to do a catch-up skip or shuffle at the end, because Alex gets there in less steps. Piper digs her hands in her pockets, tracing the pavement, making her way back to the car. She can’t shake how lonely she feels. 

….


	9. Chapter Nine

She’s driven the car before, but never without Alex. Piper spends a good few minutes just sitting in the driver’s seat, turning the key over in her hands. She knows Alex isn’t there, she knows that, but simply knowing doesn’t seem to stop Piper expecting a snarky remark about crashing the car to be hurled across the console. The car feels so empty without Alex. 

Piper shuts her eyes. There’s the distinct sound of planes flying overhead, and every few minutes, a new one pounds along the runway and injects itself into the sky. 

It might be Alex’s. That’s all Piper can think. She might be on that one. 

She’s been sitting there way too long, her face kept painfully twisted, and Piper is desperate not to cry. There’s so much hurt, and the longer she lingers, the fresher it gets. But there’s something else, too. It burns deep in her stomach, and she can’t get enough air. An awful irritation scratches at her lungs, like she’s cracked open, and something makes her want to scream.

Her fists hit the steering wheel, once, twice, and then the pain sets in. It slams against her knuckles and the bone of her wrist, and it’s hard every time it hits, it’s brutal; but it doesn’t make Piper want to stop. Her body protests, giving a jolt every time she attacks the same spot, makes it suffer. 

Piper retracts, seizing her hands and bringing them up to her forehead. A violent shake breaks out of her, and she goes reeling, frantic to get out of this fucking car, this fucking torment of a vehicle that says Alex and Alex and Alex. She jerks the door open and jumps out, feeling hot tears make their escape before she has the chance to stop them.

She shuts her eyes. Tries to think back to the day before, when Alex had been the one shooting out of the car. But Alex is a lot better at the whole calming down process, and Piper feels hopelessly inadequate and oddly ashamed at the way her chest rises and falls much too quickly. 

But there’s something about that thought that makes Piper stop for a minute. There’s something about thinking about Alex that makes her feel blank. She stills, burying her face in her arms as she leans over the car. Her eyes wander back to the airport, and even though it’s quite a distance, she can still see the glass doors open and close, and every time it does, Piper half-expects Alex to walk through. 

But she doesn’t.

Piper raises her hand, surveying the damage. It’s bruised, and it’s coming up in violet spheres that go turn almost red around the bones. The matching two against her wristbones are the worst, and as she tentatively tests out the movement, Piper wishes she hadn’t done that. 

She closes her eyes, focuses on her heartbeat. It’s still running a little fast, but what worries her more is how faded it is. Nothing in her feels solid, and she doesn’t want to break away from the stability the frame of the car provides.

Eventually, Piper climbs tentatively back in. She takes her time, injecting the key and twisting it. It’s too quiet. Reaching across the console, Piper searches through the mixtapes, and tries to pick one she hasn’t heard before, hanging onto the hope it won’t carry any fragments of Alex.

….

Piper can’t bring herself to return to the apartment. She knows it’s going to feel unnaturally empty, so she figures she’ll put it off for as long as she can. She’s hungry – there wasn’t time for breakfast before they left the house. But the prospect of pulling off somewhere and eating alone hurts more than an empty stomach does. 

So Piper drives to Polly’s instead. She parks, and pulls a jumper from the backseat. It’s Alex’s, so she goes to put it back and find her own, but then again, it’s longer, so it’s going to dangle halfway down her palms. It’s going to hide the bruises, and that way, avoid a pummelling of questions that she’d rather avoid.

The minute she rings the doorbell, Piper is pulled into a hug, and right on cue, Polly starts her ramblings about how much she’s missed her. 

“Pipes! It’s been too long! Waaay too long!”

Piper tries not to look overly guilty, because it has been too long, and now with Alex gone, she can start to think clearly; and no longer avoid how awful she feels. “I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

Polly brushes off her apology, gesticulating wildly as she leads Piper down the hallway. “It’s like you just dropped off the map. I mean…I’m used to you spending a lot of nights in someone else’s bed…but still…”

“Gee, thanks for the support, Pol.”

“But this is something else!” 

Polly’s got this buzz about her, like it’s a new school year, and she’s ready to absorb a whole summer’s worth of gossip. Piper never quite breaks into being quite as chipper, but right from the off, Polly proves to be a wonderful distraction, and gradually, everything Alex begins to feel very, very distant. It’s a strange relief.

“Oh, come on! It’s only been a few weeks.”

Polly gesticulates wildly, and Piper can’t help but smile. She’s missed this. There’s always some part of her that wishes college had never ended, because this was all college ever was for the pair of them – this endless cycle of green quadrangles and the boys from State approaching with dimples smiles and confident “hey’s”. 4pm freakouts because you both forgot the deadline, and it’s due in eight hours time. Giving the other all those details about which boy they ended up making out with, which one they spent the night with; which one they ate Cheetos at eleven am with, idly passing a playstation controller from hand to hand. But all that excitement following the arrival back at the dorm with a pair of shoes dangling from one hand never quite amounted to this. Piper’s not completely sure what renders quite the excitement.

“I want every detail!” Polly demands enthusiastically. 

Piper screws up her nose. “You sure you want every detail?”

Piper thinks for a moment before giving a solid nod. “Good point.”

“Can we so eat something, though? I’m starving.”

….

They drive to one of their favourite haunts, and it takes Piper a while to adjust. Polly’s mainstream pop radio is cranked up all the way there, and even though Piper’s had years of growing accustomed to it, it feels unpleasantly foreign. Even Polly proves to be a bit of a handful. It’s not like Alex is quiet, but perhaps, just a little more reserved. When she’s with Alex, they tend to fall into a tired lull at around the same pace, so they never really end up tiring each other out. But by the time they finally manage to navigate the menu and order, Piper feels like she needs a break. She carries on anyway, thinking that it would probably be suicide to spend any time alone, because she’s treading on fragile ground as it is. 

“So, what’s happening now? Your girlfriend suddenly unavailable, so you return to second-rate best-friend-Polly?”

“No! No. Don’t twist it around like that.” Piper grabs Polly’s hand from the table and catches her eyes. “And you’re still my best friend. Nothing’s ever gonna come between that.” 

Polly narrows her eyes, and for a fleeting second, Piper thinks she doesn’t believe her. Polly nods, poking her tongue out at her. “I know.” 

But the truth is, Polly doesn’t believe her. Whatever Piper’s got herself into, she fell for it quickly, and didn’t look back. That’s where Polly fits in. They have always been close, college will do that to you, but although Polly will never admit it out loud, she was mildly surprised when, on graduation day, Piper proposes renting a house out and splitting the cost. She had expected Piper would be the first to drift off to other things, and leave everything carelessly behind her.

Because that’s what Piper’s like. She’s flippant, and not strictly loyal. Polly knows this, probably better than anybody. And that is what made Polly careful to retain an easy distance between them, a buffer, some protective measure.

So when Piper starts to unfold the story, Polly holds her comments back. About how this all too fast, and how she’s more than a little scared for Piper.

“And yeah, that’s essentially it.” Piper finishes.

“Wait, that’s it? You’ve hardly told me anything.”

“Well, all the important stuff…”

“Okay, you see, I’ve got this complete blank from that night you fucking stalked her, to when Jess comes to me, and asks why there’s a fucking rude as hell asshole in our kitchen. Wanna explain that?”

“Oh yeah, sorry about that. I meant to apologise for whoever she pissed off.”

Piper tries to bite back a grin, knowing full well that is not going to be enough to get Polly off her case.

“She fucking stayed over, Piper.”

“Yeah, well, there was a situation we had to kind of…work around…”

Polly raises an eyebrow, just daring Piper to elaborate. Piper rolls her eyes, dropping her knife and fork with a clunk. “She had a girlfriend, okay?”

Polly’s eyes go wild, and immediately, Piper regrets giving her the new ammunition.

“She what?”

“Okay,” Piper starts, raising her fingers pointedly. “You don’t get to give me that look. Remember college? You dated two guys at once for a while. You made me cover for you.”

Polly shakes her head, like there’s no way in hell that’s a fair comparison. “Nope, that’s not good enough. I’m not letting you off the hook until I get the truth out of you, Piper.”

….

Piper lies awake that night, hands tucked under her head. She can’t shake how strange this feels. It’s only been a few weeks since she’s been back here, but it seems like an eternity. Piper tries to think back about how it used to feel, being here, dragging through the summer months with absolutely no direction, absolutely nowhere to be. But no matter how hard she thinks, it’s impossible to recall that feeling. It’s like she can’t relate to it anymore.

It scares her a little, and instinctually, Piper reaches over to grab her phone. There’s not a great variety in her call history. It’s Alex, repeated over and over, the odd one from work. Piper waits for it to ring.

“Piper?”

Her voice sounds a little rough around the edges, and vaguely, it sounds a lot like it does when Alex first wakes up. 

Piper tightens her brow. “Did I wake you up?”

Piper can hear Alex pause. “It’s four thirty in the morning, Piper.”

“Oh shit!” Piper starts. “I’m sorry. I totally forgot about time difference.”

Piper can hear Alex chuckling at the other end, and it seems to say of course you did. That’s exactly the type of thing you would do.

“I don’t think I exactly told you what timezone I’d be in, either. Kind of my fault, really.” 

“Sorry.” Piper starts, sounding more than a little ashamed. “I’m sorry for ringing you this late. It’s probably stupid. Actually, that’s not true. It is stupid.”

“No, it’s not. I like that you called.” 

Piper wants to back down, because it’d be easier to just slip away and forget about it, because there’s something about appearing vulnerable and emotional that makes her want to run. And it’s late, and she’s been dwelling, and hell, this whole call was complete impulse…

But Piper sucks in a shaky breath and hopes Alex is listening. 

“Miss you.” Piper mumbles her way through it, as though she doesn’t actually want it to be heard, as though by the time it travels through the fragile network, it will be indecipherable. But by the way Alex snickers, it was all too clear. 

It fills Piper with an impatient anxiety, some desire for approval that tugs and tugs and tugs. Piper waits, trapped in the hope that Alex will say something back, something that makes her feel a little less idiotic, a little less juvenile. 

“I miss you too. But I also really wish you were here.”

Hearing Alex say that makes Piper’s heart swell. Although she would never admit it to Alex, being included in the whole drug thing makes her feel like she hasn’t been forgotten. Because she’s always scared of that - surely it’s more tempting to follow that life of money and travel and all sorts of things. And Piper isn’t a part of that life. She’s part of the other one – the in-between, that serves more as a way-house than anything else. 

“Yeah?”

Alex laughs easily. “Of course, dumbass.”

“Tell me something.”

“Like what exactly?”

“I don’t know. Tell me something about Berlin.” It’s not the whole truth, not really. It weaves around the part of tell me what I’m missing, and remind me why we’re doing this. 

But Alex seems to intuitively guess what’s going on in Piper’s mind, and immediately, Piper starts to wonder how she figured that. Whether it was in her voice, the way it wavers and never manages to escape sounding dejected around the corners. Or if Alex just knew that was what she’d be thinking.

Alex takes a deep breath, and Piper can hear her reaching around for her glasses. Piper turns on her side and settles, thinking about how much this feels like that time at the park, where Alex unravelled everything. But this time, Piper isn’t focusing so much on the stories. Instead, she’s focusing on how Alex sounds, the pattern of her voice, and of how much it convinces her that Alex is here – that she’s home. 

“Okay, well, the first you should know thing about Berlin is that during the day, it’s boring as fuck.”

When Piper wakes up the next morning, she can’t quite remember how she fell asleep. She can remember clutching the phone well beyond the threshold when words had ceased, when there was just silence, just breath, just the daunting gap of distance and the discomforting glitch of time. It carries on like that, with the only thing threading them together the long phone calls that repeat day after day. 

….

“I wish I was there with you.”

“You’d probably jump on the bed. I swear, Pipes, even I was tempted.”

“And drink all the miniature drinks out of the minibar…”

“And use up all the hotel shampoo in one go…”

“And have breakfast served in bed…”

“And pour yourself an overflowing bubble bath…”

“And go through every damn tv channel…”

“And lose the room key…”

“And get so tipsy at the bar, they call me to pick you up…”

….

“I literally just finished my shift. You’ve got perfect timing.”

“I know. It’s this brilliant thing called checking timezones.”

“Still. You can’t know the exact time I clock off. Unless you’ve got a spy keeping tabs on me.”

“Damn, what a great suggestion. But I do actually know the exact time you finish.”

“You’re kidding, right? Please tell me you’re kidding.”

Alex gives an easy laugh, before taking in a deep breath.

“It’s a Wednesday. That means your boss will let you off slightly early, because midweek, there’s not a high influx of customers. There also won’t be many dishes to wash, because it’s free garlic bread night, and even though it’s fucked, nobody washes the bread baskets. That puts you squarely between 9:32 and 9:35. That leery guy will be working, so you’re not gonna hover around. You’ll grab your jumper off the rack as you clock off, and based on past frequency, it’s likely 9:33. The exact time that I’m calling you.”

Piper tries to conceal a smile as her stomach gives an involuntary flutter. “You’ve been waiting by the phone, haven’t you?”

“Caught. I’ve been staring at it for five minutes. That sorta makes my calculations pointless, but, y’know…whatever.”

“That’s cute.”

“You’re cute.”

….

“Yeah?”

“Hey! It’s me. It’s Alex. It’s, uh, me.”

Piper has grown used to the various ways in which Alex answers the phone. She knows the distracted wave her voice gets when her attention is divided between two things – the slight lag because she takes a little longer to process. She knows the croaky brittleness when the first thing Alex has done is reach for the phone in the morning. But it’s never sounded like it does now.

“I know it’s you, dumbass. You sound almost…drunk. Are you drunk?”

The pause is longer than it should be, as though she’s considering lying. “I’m not drunk.”

“Oh great, you’re one of those stubborn I’m not even tipsy types. I should’ve guessed.”

“Maybe a little. Oh, fuck! Can you hold on a second? I forgot my jacket.”

“Want me to call you back?”

“No, just stay there a sec.” The line goes almost dead for a while, and Piper can almost hear Alex rethinking. “Actually, it’s going to take more than a sec. I’ve gotta walk back.”

Piper feels a pang of worry strike her. “Where are you?”

“Germany. Berlin.”

“I already know that part. Do you know where you are? Are you alone?”

“Which one?”

“Which one what?”

“Which one do you want me to answer? I can only answer one at a time.” Alex swallows hard. “What were the questions again?”

“Alex?”

“Yeah?” She sounds a little sheepish, and for a flicker of a second, Piper thinks she can detect more than an inkling of shame in the back of Alex’s throat.

“Wherever you are, just stand still for a minute and listen to me.”

“Okay, I’m completely still. Well, not completely still. I think I’m…swaying a little.” Alex pauses, but in an instant, she’s blurting out something new, something unconnected. “Hey Pipes, I’m on this bridge, and it’s really beautiful. It’s got these gothic lampposts with, what’s the word?”

“…Gargoyles?” 

Piper hears Alex snap her fingers. “Yeah! That’s the word, Pipes! One day I’m gonna bring you back here so you can see them. I want you to see them.”

“Sure you are.” Piper says it easily, but it hurts a little when Alex says that. Because she’s not allowed to go with Alex. 

“The only problem is I don’t know where the hell this bridge is. I mean, I know it’s in Berlin, but…like directionally…geographically…”

“Alex, you’re lost. Don’t move, okay? How on earth can I help you get back?”

“Will you get me a map?”

“If you’re expecting me to bring it to you, time might not be on our side…”

“I’ve got maps in my desk. There’ll be a map of Berlin in there somewhere…”

“Hang on, I’ll go find it. Don’t go anywhere.”

Piper’s never been near Alex’s desk, so it’s strange to approach it, and even stranger to have to go pulling out drawers. It’s full of stuff Piper wishes she didn’t understand. But there’s lists of clients, and their phone numbers, and next to that, lies a number, followed by ‘grams’ in brackets. Most of the numbers have been crossed out several times, replaced by Alex’s handwriting. Piper shuffles through as quickly as she can, coming across a stack of maps pushed to the back. There’s one for Singapore, one for Beijing, Jakarta, and finally comes a creased, well-worn map entitled Berlin.

Piper smooths it out on the desk, moving things to the side to stretch it out to the corners. 

“Okay, tell me where you are.”

Alex pauses. “I suspect Berlin isn’t the answer you’re looking for…is it?”

“Give me a streetname. Or the name of the bridge?”

Alex sounds vaguely annoyed, and it occurs to Piper that she’s not used to feeling so out of control. “It’s in fucking German…Molte-something-brucke.”

“You’re still pretty close to the city, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh! Mul…wait, no. Moltkebrucke! I know where you are.”

“Oh good. That’s great, because I don’t.”

“There’s a couple of circles on this map. Is one of them your hotel?”

“No, they’re drop points. It’s where we organise-”

Piper stops her before Alex can say another word, panic rising in the pit of her stomach. “Don’t. I don’t want to know. Just…just…tell me something about your hotel.”

“Oh, that’s easy. It’s called the Grand Westin. No, Westin Grand. I don’t fucking know.”

“You’re not too far away. Which way are you facing?”

“Straight ahead.”

“Alex, I need more than that.”

“Right. The river.”

“The river flows in both directions, you useless idiot. What about the park, can you see a park?”

“Of course I can. It’s right over there.”

“Go that way. Follow the path along the river. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Keep talking to me. Tell me about your night, anything you can remember. Just don’t stop talking.”

“We were taking shots whenever the girls we had worked on made the shortlist.”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“Y’know, the shortlist. The list of the ones best suited for mules. If they make the shortlist, at some point or another, we’ll probably make them do runs. But anyway, we were having a competition to see who got get the most girls onto the short list. I got so many girls fucken’ cornered, Pipes. But shit, there were so many shots.”

Piper doesn’t know what that means, either. She wishes she did. Because something about that, something about cornering girls and girls she worked on that makes Piper’s stomach turn. When Piper goes to reply, she knows it’s no longer about keeping Alex talking.

“And what does that entail? Cornering girls?”

“You start with chatting them up. Get them interested. Berlin’s good for that. It’s like, a rampant case of bi-curiosity.”

That sends warning wells. Because that’s what Alex did to her. Piper kind of wishes she could think better of it, because surely, it would be better to leave it alone. Especially when Alex is barely capable of processing anything important.

“That’s what you did with me.”

Alex doesn’t pick up the concern in Piper’s voice, the offence, the unshakeable punch in the gut Alex’s casual, slightly irritated reply only reinforces. “Well, yeah, but you were different.”

Piper closes her eyes. Tries to convince herself that Alex’s reply comes from being intoxicated, and isn’t really the truth. But there’s the thing. Alex is always truthful.

Always.

“And then?” Piper asks, swallowing everything back.

“I don’t remember. I think I went for a walk. Hey, Pipes? I found my hotel.”

“Know how to get in?”

“I may be drunk, but give me some credit. I know how to go through a revolving door.”

Piper waits, listening to Alex stumble through the hotel, muttering several fucks whenever she almost runs into something. 

“Okay, I’m back. My head’s throbbing.”

“Pretty bad?”

“Really fucking bad.”

“Just do what I say, okay? Get yourself some water and go to the bathroom.”

“You think I’m gonna throw up, don’t you?”

“Just do it, Al.”

An exaggerated sigh trickles down the line as Alex pushes herself away from the stability the door offers, and propels herself towards the fridge. By the time she gets to the bathroom, the hyped overdrive swimming around her head begins to ease, replaced by an irritating dizziness.

“You done?”

“Yeah.”

“Tie your hair up. Drink. And sit up, okay?”

“I’d much rather lie down…the tiles are so cool…”

“No, no, don’t do that, Alex. I won’t let you do that.”

“You won’t let me do anything,” Alex grumbles, sounding a lot like a child rejected on their latest whirlwind proposal. “Hey, Pipes?”

“Mm?”

“You know Sylvie?”

“I wouldn’t say know is the word I’d choose, but I think I remember meeting her once.”

“Sarcasm?”

“Yes, Alex.”

Something in Alex’s voice changes. “She wasn’t really my girlfriend.”

“She seemed pretty adamant that she was…”

“That’s because she thought she was.”

“Y’know, if you’re just trying to fabricate a story to make it look like you weren’t cheating, you should know you’re doing a terrible job at it. And more than that, I doesn’t matter.” But the thing is, it does matter to Piper.

“No, I’m not. Fuck, I’m not supposed to be saying anything. The cartel doesn’t even like the fact you almost tore down the whole operation…”

The line goes silent for a while. Piper has been pushing Alex to talk all night, prompting her on the stupidest of ruses, but she’s never been this desperate to get her talking. Except this time, it’s for her own selfish reasons. 

“Okay, now I’m worried.”

“Sylvie almost left after…you know…that first night.”

Piper tries not to sound frustrated, knowing it’s going to be counter-effective, but fuck, Alex is making zero sense, and it’s exasperating to no end. “Do you think you could skip ahead to the bit about me tearing down the whole operation? Because that scares me, Alex.”

“It’s all connected, Piper. Sylvie controlled this very profitable line through to Mexico-”

“Alex! I know you’re wasted as hell right now, but how many times do I have to spell this out to you? I don’t want to know specifics about that stuff.”

“Just listen. The Cartel used her, Piper. We thought hey, if I can turn mules over in less than two hours flat, who’s to say it won’t work on somebody higher up? But then you came along, and I had to work so hard to keep her caught in the trap, and it fucking backfired, and-”

Piper hears a clattering that sounds like the phone’s been dropped, a horrible skidding raking down the line as it skims across the tiles. Then comes the awful retching sound.

“Alex?” Piper says after a while.

It’s a long time before the phone is snatched back up. 

“Sorry.” Alex mumbles softly.

“Told you you’d throw up.”

“Yeah.”

“Feel better?”

“Much.”

“Great. Now you can get to the part about how this is all my fault.”

“God,” Alex starts, pushing herself back against the tiles. “You wanna do this now?”

“Okay. That’s unfair, Alex. Don’t act like I’m…picking fights or something. You brought this up.”

“Fine, fine. It was because of you Sylvie nearly left. And yeah, it was probably my own stupidity, really. I wanted you, and I went after you, and…I compromised the business. And it’s damn lucky that Sylvie was an idiot who got attached, because, because, otherwise…”

There’s a pause where Alex sucks in a deep breath. “I can’t compromise anything again, Piper.”

Something twinges in Piper’s stomach, an impulse that seems to tell her to get out, that this is dangerous, this is trouble, this is everything she’s not. It begs a thousand questions, but Piper knows she’s pushed Alex enough, and it will have to do for one night. Besides, Alex is irritated, and Piper is frustrated, and they’re balancing a very thin cusp that threatens to spill into an argument. And more than anything, Piper doesn’t want to fight. 

“Okay.” Piper concedes. 

….

Alex calls the next day, sounding confused and more than a little pissed off. 

“Hey…yeah…I feel like such an idiot for asking you this, because you’re on the opposite side of the planet, but…what happened last night?”

Piper bites her lip, wondering how much Alex remembers. If she has any recollection of the whole I can’t compromise anything again, or if Alex has any idea how petrified that made Piper. Because there was something about that, something about compromise that makes Piper feel like she’s temporary, replaceable. That on Alex’s side, it’s not serious. 

And that hurt.

But Piper keeps her voice calm and even, and tries not to let her disappointment filter through. “You got drunk. And lost. Then you called me.”

Alex pauses; something nagging at her that Piper isn’t exactly explaining the whole truth. “Is that all?”

Piper squeezes her eyes shut, hoping Alex isn’t holding onto fragments of the more interesting parts of the night. Please don’t remember. Please don’t remember what you said. Please don’t fucking try to coax it back.

“Yes.” Piper says. “That’s it. I got you back, and you fell asleep.”

Alex doesn’t sound convinced, but it’s not as if she’s in the position to question. “Oh.”

“It’s fine.” Piper lies. It’s not fine, it’s not anywhere near fine, but she’d rather avoid it, in the singular hope it will go away. 

“It doesn’t sound fine…”

“Well, it is. But I have work, and you have work, so can you just call back when you’re over your stupid hangover?” It’s sharper that is needs to be, pointing right at Alex’s work and targeting it with all the possible blame. 

Alex sucks in a deep breath, the sudden outburst of anger triggering something she kind of wishes she could hold back. It comes out of nowhere, a momentum of accusations she wasn’t aware she’d been holding on to. Alex just blindly follows the impulse, and it’s not until she’s halfway through speaking that she even considers the possibility of stopping.

“Fuck, Piper. I know what you think, you and your fucking better-than-everyone mindset. But I don’t have a college education. I never got that chance. So don’t you go and get all defensive over how my career choice impacts you. You’re not the involved in this.”

Piper stills, oddly paralysed, as Alex’s words seem to bite right through her bones. She considers getting angry back. Maybe even letting her desperation get the better of her, and go off on some tangent about how she’s not completely removed from the whole situation. 

Or maybe she should just apologise. 

As the moment drawls on and anger starts to feel very, very distant, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of choice.

“I’m sorry, Alex.” Piper bites her lip, suddenly becoming very aware of how cracked her voice sounds. How much it feels like she’s going to cry. “Sorry.” Piper cuts the line and quickly flips the phone shut, holding it hostage within her grasp.

It doesn’t ring for the rest of the day.

…

It takes a lot of convincing, and a lot of fighting against the lump in her throat, but Piper finally manages to push it away. What Alex said made her feel guilty, unlatching a very fragile part of her that always knew that she’d been a lot more privileged than Alex. 

And just like that, the whole drug-cartel thing becomes inseparably intertwined with a guilt-trip of privilege and opportunity. 

….

When Alex rings the next day, Piper gets ready for some kind of talk about what transpired. Some form of acknowledgement. A treaty. But Alex never mentions it, steering well clear of anything that might, in some convoluted way lead to it, and it’s as if the whole thing never existed. Piper wants to bring it up, impelled by the desperate need to discuss it, but every time she does to say something, guilt stamps it all down.

….

There’s something about when Alex talks that just seems to melt everything else away. Piper tries to hold on to that anger, she really, really does, but Alex is so persuasive, so good at predicting when Piper’s voice drops and her breath prepares for a sentence she doesn’t really want to say. 

Alex talks about Berlin. Things related to the business get thrown in, too. Mostly names, tied in with some anecdote about how thick their stupid American accents are when they try their hand at German. 

And quite suddenly, the realisation creeps up on Piper that she has developed quite a picture of the industry. If a police task force came barrelling down the hallway right now, interrogated her for information, there’s a whole lot she could tell them. She could give them drop points. Names. Hotel rooms and flight numbers. There’s a lot of ammunition in that. And it scares her how much she knows. Because surely, at some point, that information is going to find a way of getting out.

….

Piper gets progressively edgier as the days trawl on, and Alex can feel it. Alex can feel Piper’s distraction – like she’s drowning in how many things are whirring around in her head. Through Alex’s cool and calculated tone that always makes Piper close her eyes for just a second, they count down the days. Alex makes it sound like they’re going to make it.

….

Polly reaches breaking point on having this huge lesbian drama unfold right under her nose, and the lack of important details is constantly repeated every time Piper walks through the door. Eventually Polly chooses the pizza-and-beer approach, summoning Piper to the couch and not letting that beer bottle be absent from her lips for any more than a minute.

It doesn’t take long before details start to slowly trickle.

“But I’m telling you…it’s like I just discovered what sex is supposed to be.”

In most circles, Piper would have omitted that part. Even in college, she was never the person that publicised their sexual history during every barely tipsy game of never-have-I-ever or even disastrous conversations in bathrooms. There was always something about sleeping with someone that seemed like it shouldn’t be shared.

Piper thinks back to college, and all those whispered confessions of the more risqué members of the clique who found themselves making out with a woman during drunken encounters, sketched in with details of soft and thrilling. It was something novelty – something to cross off a bucket list of things-you-can-get-away-with-at-college. And although it always peaked Piper’s curiosity, the novelty of Alex isn’t the fact she’s female. It’s simply that it’s Alex.

But that isn’t the type of information Piper wants to divulge. Whatever is going on between her and Alex, in that refurbished apartment, through whispered conversations under imported satin sheets and the occasional quibble about who left the beer bottles lying around, it’s strictly between them.

But the other bit, though, the bit that is so wonderfully, dizzyingly good; Piper thinks she might as well tell. Perhaps it’s impulsively wicked or tauntingly cruel, but those practical theatre classes in college really seem to come in handy, and Piper goes all out in the way of making it live up to the hype. It gets Polly’s attention, too, and there’s a split second where Piper could swear jealousy boldly flares at what she’s missing out on.

“But she has a girlfriend?” She chips in pointedly. Polly’s got that bad idea, Piper look branded right across her face, but Piper can’t bring herself to pay the slightest trace of attention to it. 

“She had a girlfriend.” Piper corrects. “They were having problems. ‘S over.”

Polly gives this unconvinced look that seems to say you can’t seriously believe that, can you?

“For sure?”

“Yeah.” Piper counters quickly.

It doesn’t satisfy, and to be honest, Piper didn’t really expect it to.

“I don’t know, Piper.”

Grinning like an idiot, Piper buries her head against the sofa. You are so goddamn royally screwed, Piper thinks.

….

When that bag of flaming shit turns up at her doorstep, the first thing Piper wants to do is call Alex. It seems like the appropriate thing to do – yell and whine at down the phone line, reinforcing how fucking crazy her goddamn ex-girlfriend is – (or whatever she is) – and demand Alex buy her new ugg boots. Which Alex probably wouldn’t have a problem with doing. Have Alex calm her down, maybe admit fault in the matter, and just…make everything so much better.

But what was that thing Alex said about the whole ex-girlfriend deal?

Something along the lines of it’s all your fault.

....

The door creaks, faint sounds of straining hinges barely registering. It’s dark still. Piper’s eyes feel heavy, and they barely flutter for a second before it’s too tempting to retreat back into darkness. Tired, dragging footsteps seem close, and there’s the sound of keys being placed on the table. It nags at Piper a little, but it’s so easy to drift off again…

She doesn’t know how much time passes. She’s stuck somewhere between sleep and wake, where dreams linger by their threads, and melt in to reality. A light flicks on and off. Piper can feel someone’s presence in the room, but it’s just there, but she can’t figure out how to get there – separated by different dimensions that never connect and never collide.

It smells a little like Alex’s perfume, mixed in with the scent of her skin, and it feels like a protective blanket being draped over her. The bed dips, and Piper gives a small groan at the disturbance. There’s a sigh, but it’s not hers. It’s Alex’s.

Alex’s.

She’s back. 

It’s a strain to open her eyes. But when Piper finally gathers the strength to, it’s more than worth it. She can make out the shadowed outline of Alex; see a shard of reflected light in her eyes glint back at her. Piper can make out a smirk, too. An all-too-pleased-to-be-back smirk that tells her she’s missed Piper just as much as Piper missed her.

All those doubts that burned and fizzled just…fall away. It’s strange, because Piper’s been holding onto them so strongly, with this heavy, unshakeable apprehension that has steadily ascended as she counted down the days. But Alex has a wonderful way of making all that disappear. She melts them away and drowns them down to the core of the earth, and turns Piper’s attention elsewhere as they get swallowed up somewhere dark. Piper forgets about them.

Piper reaches out to touch her; just to be sure she hasn’t dreamt this up. Her fingertips seem to spark when her fingers touch Alex’s cheek, struck with the reminder of how warm and real she is. And she’s right here. Right by your side. She’s yours.

Alex’s chest surges with a flood of warmth and tenderness that spreads to every fibre of her being, and latches there. The place where her heart beats feels hollow and whole at the same time. It’s so powerful, so overwhelming, that Alex can’t shake the feeling that it’s never going to feel the same way again. It feels oddly like Piper’s taken something from her. And somewhere buried deep down, Alex submits to the idea that she’s never going to get it back.

Alex spends a drawn-out moment playing with the idea of whispering I love you. 

But Piper’s half asleep. And it’s so important to Alex it can’t just be passed over, with Piper’s glazed eyes only half-registering Alex’s words. It’s supposed to be a statement in itself, but for Alex; it needs some sort of answer. It’s selfish, but that reassurance is something that she needs. To know that Piper’s just as deep as she is, and that somehow, she’s not setting herself up for ruin.

Piper speaks, and it’s a sudden surprise that pulls Alex right out of those drawling thoughts. “You’re back.”

Alex nods against the pillow. “I’m back, Pipes.”

Piper gazes at her, with this awestruck expression that tugs at Alex’s chest. She shuffles closer, curling up next to Alex and burying her head in the crook of her neck. Her arms snake around Alex, fingertips wrapped tight. 

There’s something about the darkness that seems wonderfully appealing. Transforms something mediocre into something extraordinary. Maybe it’s the quiet. The world has tumbled and fallen into rest, and there’s absolutely nothing left but the shadows that crest with each breath. A smile tugs at the corner of Piper’s mouth, followed by relieved sigh that breezes against the strands of Alex’s hair. “I missed you.”

In a delicate little voice that seems to hold more of her heart than she’d like to surrender, Alex says it back.

The next few hours pass all too slowly for Piper. She tries to go back to sleep, but the task proves impossible – Alex is all too real and warm and exactly what she’s been missing. It doesn’t take long before Piper hears Alex’s breathing even out, and it’s strange not to follow. Apart from the exceptions of the mornings following Alex’s late-night returns home, they’ve never been so out of sync. Piper has to stamp down the urge to nudge Alex awake. But no, that would be almost cruel, because Alex is jetlagged, and she needs the sleep a lot more than she needs to hear Piper ramble about the pointless things she’s missed out on.

Piper pushes further into her, randomly delivering kisses to Alex’s neck, until through a half-serious voice of feigned annoyance, she finally tells Piper to stop, and winds her fingers through her hair.

When the familiar streaks of orange and pink start to paint the sky, Piper untangles herself from Alex and sits up, watching as the street slowly, begrudgingly accepts the official start of the day. But the moment Alex stirs enough to crack an eye open at Piper, she’s pulled back down again and brought flush with against her. The dizzying adrenaline rush of having Alex back loses its edge, and gives way to the urge to drift into a shallow sleep. Just for a moment.

The sunlight suggests it’s at least mid-morning by the time Piper jolts awake. She goes to wriggle around to find her phone for the time, but Alex snakes her arm around her stomach, murmuring, “Please, no…not yet” in this drawling, exhausted voice that makes Piper’s lips curl. 

She ends up waiting for another solid twenty minutes, but that’s all the stillness she can possibly manage. Piper turns, tucking herself into Alex’s side and running her hand along the line of her jaw. “Can we get up now? Half the day has got to be almost over.”

Alex gives an exaggerated groan, mumbling a semi-incoherent, “No.”

Then, with a startling sudden-ness, Piper’s mind flicks back to the night before. She shoots up, taking Alex by surprise, placed on instant cautionary alert. 

“Oh my god,” Piper starts, her hands forming tight fists. “I have to tell you something.”

Alex huffs, convinced this is just another one of Piper’s melodramatic false alarms. “Whatever it is, can it wait?”

Piper shakes her head adamantly. “No, no, it can’t wait. I have to tell you now.”

Alex barely suppresses an eye-roll, shifting slightly against the mattress. “Please don’t tell me this is another wardrobe dilemma.” 

“It’s about your fucking crazy ex-girlfriend, Alex. The one that punched me in the face?”

Alex narrows her eyes. This coiling, awful impulse seems to grab hold of her; makes her wish she hadn’t hesitated when she’d Sylvie to stay the hell away from Piper. But she remains calm and collected in front of Piper, and doesn’t let her voice give anything away. “What happened?”

“It involved a bag of shit, on fucking fire, on Polly’s doorstep. And then my ugg-boots acting as the extinguisher.”

Slowly, the serious, slightly unsettled expression on Alex’s face breaks, the corners of her mouth cracking into a smile. Piper watches, absolutely livid, as the inward snicker she tries to hold back tumbles into full blown, humiliating laughter.

“It’s not funny!” Piper insists, looking ridiculously horrified by Alex’s reaction, which was clearly not the one she was bargaining for. 

“I can’t believe you fell for that. I mean, I can picture you falling for a lot of things, but…seriously Pipes.” Alex bites her bottom lip in an attempt to halt another bout of inappropriately timed laughter. “You gotta work on your prank suspicions.”

Piper looks far from impressed, throwing Alex this glare of complete scorn that says how fucking unhelpful Alex is being. “This is serious! She clearly had some kind of lethal intent-”

Alex swiftly cuts her off. “What, with a bag of shit?”

“But what if it is serious, Alex?” Piper swiftly disputes back. “Do you think she’s gonna murder me?”

Piper can feel Alex behind her rolling her eyes even before she turns. “Just how unstable is this Sylvia person?” Piper gives this wild hand movement that seems to demand some kind of solid knowledge on the subject of Sylvie’s volatility. 

“It was a joke.” Alex placates.

“It was not a joke. I was a very clear message. I know what you did, bitch, and I want you to know that I know.”

Piper sets her face into this expression of utter hopelessness, and Alex knows that’s her cue. She turns, and covers Piper’s hand with her own. “Look, being with you was my choice.” She stretches out against the mattress, and immediately, Piper can tell it’s only a matter of a few seconds before she’s pulled back down to Alex, and everything important will suddenly seem very, very, distant. 

“I wasn’t happy.” Alex adds, and honestly, it’s amazing how adept she is at making it feel like the pair of them are somehow innocent parties. When both of them knew they weren’t. Piper wants to believe it, but there’s this nagging, distant voice in her head that demands some kind of rationalisation. Something to ease her conscience. 

“And then I took advantage of that.” Piper says in this feeble voice that sounds mildly conflicted.

Alex laughs, sliding her glasses back off. It sounds so simple the way Piper says it. Like this was all emotionally driven, like this was somehow relatively normal. Like drugs had nothing to do with it. Like it was Piper doing the pulling.

And yet. 

And yet and yet and yet. 

It was drugs that were the reason Alex ever approached her at that bar. 

It was drugs behind why Sylvie was ever around in the first place.

It was Alex doing all the cornering, all the deceit, and truthfully, that hasn’t exactly concluded yet. Piper is still in the dark. 

But it’s easier to laugh it off, and go along with Piper’s version of events. 

“I’m a grown up, Piper.” Alex says, dropping her glasses against the wood of the table.

Scepticism registers at the corners of Piper’s mouth, still horrendously unconvinced. “Do you think she’s gonna come after me?”

Alex turns her attention back to Piper, amused at how fucking cute Piper is when she says that. It’s ludicrous, Piper’s suggestion, but that doesn’t seem to alter that slight terror that pains her face and doesn’t waver. 

“Look,” Alex starts, sliding her thumb against Piper’s. “I think she needed to get it out of her system, alright? Sometimes…you gotta rage in order to move on.” Alex twirls a lock of Piper’s hair around her fingertips, patiently waiting for the next concern to tumble from Piper’s lips.

But the next concern isn’t the one Alex was expecting. Instead, it’s much more honest, it’s much more vulnerable, much more delicate. Piper’s voice is precious and terrified at the same time, and there’s something about it that makes Alex realise Piper’s heart is in her hands.

“And did you love her?”

It sounds as though Piper’s already presumed the answer, and has also worked through a dozen alternate scenarios that only make her dread what’s coming more. Alex knows it’s tied up in so much insecurity she can’t really get her head around it. But it’s vulnerable, and she’s vulnerable, and it seems to be contagious.

Alex keeps her head down, and plays with Piper’s fingertips. 

Of course she never loved Sylvie. She barely managed to tolerate her for the extent of time she was so inconveniently transported into her life. But Piper doesn’t know that, and it seems like the wrong tangent to take. 

Something makes Alex thinks back to the airport. She remembers being just a second away from having those words spill out, but at the very last instant, held them back. But this is different. She’s played with them, now. Felt how they feel. Rehearsed a million different scenarios in which half the ones she doesn’t say it, and in the rest she does. 

The ones that stayed with Alex were always the latter.

Everything seems on the edge of change, even before Alex has even opened her mouth. But her mind is made up, and she’s determined to say it. Even if she regrets it. Even if they ruin each other. Even if ten years from now, she still lies back, and practices this moment, and tries to set it on a different course again and again and again, in the ignorant hope the outcome will change.

“No,” Alex says, finding the courage to hold Piper’s eyes. She swallows, and her eyes dart around Piper’s almost imperceptibly, searching. 

“But I love you.” 

Alex keeps playing with her fingers, as though what she’s just said wasn’t groundbreaking, as though it wasn’t coming from the most defenceless corner of her heart. Piper’s face stays worryingly passive, and for a moment Alex wonders if she hadn’t heard her, but Piper’s fingers jump ever so slightly against her own, and then still, frozen.

Piper blinks. As though she’s waiting for the punch line, as though Alex is about to take it back, as though there is no way this could be real. But then, the corner of her mouth tugs, and all that tension Alex wasn’t aware she’d been holding evaporates.

“You do?” Piper replies, desperately searching for some marker that this is happening, that it’s not just some warped image of her imagination. Alex bumps her knee against Piper’s, and encourages her back under the covers. Suddenly, the whole world feels very, very, small.

Piper drapes the covers back over her, transfixed on how broad Alex’s smile is. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen Alex so achingly happy. Alex laughs easily, waiting for Piper to settle before she runs her finger along her cheek.

All Piper can think of is those words, still bouncing around her head. Instantly, she starts dissecting it, pulling all its pieces and contraptions apart, so she can remember every detail. She can’t decide what is her favourite thing. If it’s that someone said I love you, or if it’s that Alex said those words. Or if it’s the way Alex looks so damn happy about it. 

Piper wants to say “oh my god”, or maybe just climb to the apartment roof, and shout it out until her lungs scratchily protest. She also wants to make Alex say those words again, because it’s quite honestly the best words to ever come out of her mouth. But she’s tightly kept hostage to the silence, all too dazed and giddy to do anything except memorise every little detail of Alex’s face. So she skates her fingertips against Alex’s chin, trying not to blink, making sure there’s not a single second she misses.

“I don’t say that to everyone,” Alex admits softly, coasting over a protective laugh. 

Piper’s eyes crinkle, but then unwrap as this little concern grows on her, about what’s coming next, because Piper can practically feel the apprehension radiating off her.

“You have to say it back.” Alex coaxes, through this barely restrained voice that spills over and coats her words with insecurity. Piper moves a little closer to her, curling her fingers around Alex’s. She watches Alex’s eyes hook around her own. 

She doesn’t even have to think about the answer. It’s this unwavering, deadest certainty that’s doused in truth, right down to her very bones. 

“I love you too.” Piper whispers, watching Alex’s face change the moment those words leave her lips, as this wave of relief floods her features. Alex gives a chuckle, eyes flicking down to Piper’s lips before she captures them. 

Piper holds onto that kiss, letting her mind race with the newly discovered certainty that Alex fucking loves her. When Alex pulls away, Piper can’t hold back the smile that makes her dimples unbearably tight. Alex keeps chuckling; predictably amused by the unusual lack of words Piper’s found herself with.

Piper doesn’t quite break into the amusement Alex finds, but she sheer excitement of the situation makes her laugh anyway. Piper crawls over to Alex; patiently waiting for Piper to settle on top of her before she pulls the sheets around them, and drags her fingers along her sides. 

Piper takes Alex’s face in her hands, peppering rushed kisses to the corner of her lips, her cheek, her jaw, absolutely anywhere she can. Alex waits until the nervous energy Piper’s buzzing with subsides just a fraction, and pulls her down to her lips, forcing Piper to strengthen this kiss. But Piper’s focus is lost, and it quickly turns messy. She’s on all too much of a high to demonstrate even the slightest bit of self-restraint. Even just for a minute.

Alex grows annoyed, bolting up from the mattress so she can keep Piper steady. Alex secures her hand around the back of Piper’s neck, and kisses her again, not letting her break away until her lungs are screaming for air.

“Will you say it again for me?” Piper ventures, all breathless and edgy.

Alex smiles, this hint of wonder harbouring in her eye. Like this is the best morning she’s ever had. Like Piper’s the best thing that’s ever happened to her. Like nothing could ever hope to trump this.

“Love you, Pipes.” Alex says, feeling Piper curl her fingers around her shoulders. 

Piper doesn’t even wait to see if Alex prompts her to say it back again. She just wants to say them. “I love you, Alex. I really love you.” Her whole heart is in her voice, and something nags at her that she should be more adult about this situation, and not be needy and repeat it over and over again. But Piper can’t get over how good it feels to say them, and how supremely pleased Alex looks to hear them.

“One more time.”

Alex nods, slipping her hand around Piper’s hip as she flips them over and pushes Piper flush against the mattress. Alex adjusts her thigh to fall in-between Piper’s, and brushes strands of hair away from Piper’s eyes. “You’re a complete dork, you know that?”

Piper crinkles up her nose affectionately, and nods back at her. 

“I love you.” Alex says again.

“I love you back.”

Gradually, Alex coaxes Piper down from her high, the edge starting to quell, as Alex’s hands start to run boldly over all the skin she can get her hands on. Piper swears she feels the temperature change. She feels all too hot under Alex’s body, and all too distracted by how stealthily her hands are moving.

“God, I missed you so fucking much.” Alex drawls, slipping her hand underneath Piper’s shirt. 

Alex has this look painted on her face – one of complete and utter want – and her eyes, her fucking eyes, look like they’re ready to devour Piper alive. 

Piper recognises that look. It’s that you’re not going anywhere for a good hour maybe three look that never fails to make a fresh flood of desire run through her. But the day is drawing on, and surely there’s things to do – even things as pointless as breakfast, so she instantly wriggles away from Alex and bolts towards the far edge of the bed. 

But Alex catches on far too quickly, trapping the back of her shirt as she crawls over to her, and firmly wraps her arms tight around Piper. “No! No you don’t.” Alex commands, sitting down around Piper and pulling her flush against her front. 

Alex runs her nails through Piper’s scalp and tugs her hair up, exposing the back of her neck. “I’ve waited long enough. And I think you know I’ve been saving myself up for you…” 

Piper feels Alex’s hips grind, and it sends this almost painful jab right through her as she fights the urge to lean into Alex and rock back at her. She’s got to do something though, because her lips are threatening to spill intoxicated murmurs that are going to give her away completely. 

So she lets her hand grip Alex’s thigh just above the knee, at that particular spot that never fails to drive her insane. Alex gives an involuntary jolt, before running the edge of her thumb along the back of her neck. Her lips follow, soft as they trace ever so slowly, until Piper shivers so noticeably she can feel Alex’s breathy laughter against her. 

“And I’m fairly certain you’ve done the same.” Alex punctuates it with a soft bite, scraping her nails through her hair as she tugs. 

Piper digs her teeth into her lip in a last-resort measure to keep it the fuck together. But she’s fast losing control, fast unravelling, and she’s got to do something.

“Oh come on,” Piper starts, scrambling to keep track of the casual, slightly haughty tone she always uses to tease Alex. “You mean to tell me in all those nights in Berlin, you went without a single orgasm? Not even one?”

Alex chuckles, slithering her hand to the swell of her breast, and roughly grasping it through her sweater. “Hmhmmm, good work detective.” 

Alex puts her mouth back on her, tongue barely skimming her skin as she lowers her right hand down, past her sweater, and daringly slips into the material of her pants. Piper gives a squeal, snapping her eyes open as she realises what a wonderful distraction method Alex is utilising.

“I’ll admit, I didn’t go completely catholic-girl-abstinent.” Alex flattens her palm out, pressing into Piper with this demanding, deliberate pressure that strains the fabric of her underwear. 

“Uh-” Escapes Piper’s lips in this wavering, needy voice, and she feels her cheeks flush the second she realises how desperate she sounds. 

“But I think you did.” 

Piper cottons on to the fact this is a game – albeit, a game she wasn’t aware she was a participant in. 

“And you deserve full credit points for that.”

Alex’s thumb keeps brushing against her thigh, and it’s absolutely maddening, with her lips on the back of her neck, and her hand on her breast, and the other sliding ever so slowly up and down…

Piper instinctively rolls her hips, hoping the pressure just might be increased. Alex gives a satisfied laugh, and by a goddamned miracle, she rubs a little more forcefully. Piper’s head goes hazy, and she lets it fall back against Alex’s shoulder, sacrificing the contact of her lips. 

Piper knows Alex is grinning when the slickness reaches her fingertips, and she rubs harder, until Piper’s breath randomises into a sporadic pattern of hitches. 

Alex finally decides to go in for direct contact, and Piper feels her nip just below her earlobe as her fingers coat themselves in wetness, and this time, Piper doesn’t hold back the moan that breaks out of her, sounding needy and desperate. It’s been forever since this, it’s been all too many nights trying not to think about all the things Alex does to her, too many uncomfortable and almost guilty clearings of throat at 2am when she realises her mind’s been on constant replay for hours.

It feels so good to have this again – to have Alex’s fingers slip inside her, that both instinctually pause to memorise the feel of it. Alex’s thighs tighten, squeezing Piper into an even tighter space. She releases this jagged moan that crashes on the back of Piper’s neck, and makes every nerve she’s made of quiver in anticipation. 

Alex starts to move, fingers sinking away before returning, with this determined roughness that makes Piper suck in a sharp breath every times she repeats the motion. Teeth snag on her shoulder, and Alex releases this completely lost, utterly consumed sound that’s so thick with arousal Piper almost cums as it flushes against her ear. Piper rolls her hips – a beg for more, and Alex adjusts her position slightly. Piper can feel her bicep contracting as it brushes against her breast.

Alex drops her forehead against Piper’s shoulder, and Piper tries hard not to wriggle around too much, but fuck, Alex is just a second off the pace she craves, and it’s enough to make her rock her hips in an attempt to sprint after that off-pace contact. 

Alex groans, snaking her free hand around to pull Piper flush against her, effectively trapping her from moving. Piper knows she’s not going to last, so she reaches back and winds her hand through Alex’s hair, scraping her fingers harder in the hope it will communicate to Alex she needs more. 

“Piper…Pipes…fuck.” Alex manages to say.

Piper scrapes her nails across Alex’s scalp, hard, desperate, and Alex barely manages to hold her down and keep her contained. Her arm hurts, it fucking burns, and Piper’s way too much of an overload. 

Alex hears her breath catch in her throat, sharp intakes of air cut swiftly off as she feels Piper’s muscles start to tighten and tense, her whole body beginning to brace.

“Alex…” Piper whispers, her free hand struggling to grip onto Alex’s thigh. 

Alex curls her fingers, burying them as much as she can. Alex tries to keep herself in check, and something almost guilty burns at the thought of how fucking out of control she is right now. She could easily let go aswell, too easily for her liking. Alex shakes the thought from her head, curling her fingers again and again and again, until Piper’s back arches in sync with a gasp that tumbles from her lips. Piper goes perfectly still, and Alex can feel her muscles clamp tight around her fingers. They stay frozen for a few seconds, trying to get their breathing back in check. 

“Fuck, I missed that.” Alex says eventually, reluctantly pulling her fingers away.

“Wait, is that it?” Piper asks, flipping herself around so she can straddle Alex’s thighs. 

Alex laughs, running her still-damp fingers over Piper’s abdomen as she settles. “You’re kidding, right?” Alex says, leaning up to capture Piper’s lips and push her tongue a little more demandingly against her mouth. Piper opens up automatically, raking her fingers through Alex’s hair. 

“You might want to cancel your morning plans, Pipes.” Alex says, fingers fiddling with the hem of Piper’s sweater. “This is gonna take a while.” 

….

It’s a relief to go back to the way things were – operating around unpredictable work schedules, late nights and long days of being cooped up in the apartment when it rains. They have some damage control that needs attending to, that mainly comes in the form of avoiding all the little problems that have wedged in between them. 

Alex catches sight of Piper’s wrists fairly quickly. She doesn’t say anything about it, only traces her thumb around those bruises and presses her lips to them – just so there’s some kind of mutual acknowledgement that they’re there; that they exist. Piper always hides behind this guilty, remorseful gaze whenever Alex does that.

Alex tries not to stare, because even though Piper gains a habit of wearing long-sleeved shirts and jumpers to everything that involves leaving the house; this apartment should be a safe space where she’s not plagued by the desire to hide them. But those dark, fragile marks are self inflicted, and that means that force came from within. Alex knows she’s got a temper, and she knows it appears and disappears so quickly, you can’t ever really hope to catch it. But it bothers Alex. 

Piper’s shifts come around, accompanied by a burdening nervous uncertainty. The last time was pretty disastrous. Alex hurries her along as usual, grabs her jacket for her as usual, and gets her ass to the car as usual. They both feel the tension in the air, like the moment they turn that engine on, everything’s going to go drastically wrong, they was it did before. There’s a heavy moment of relief when Alex starts the engine…and everything remains strikingly the same. Alex throws Piper a look. 

“We’re you…uh…” Alex swallows mid-sentence, embarrassed that she’s chosen to start saying this out loud.

Piper reaches for Alex’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Yeah,” Piper starts. “I was thinking that too.”

Alex nods, tightening her grip around Piper’s hand for a moment. Alex slips her hand away first, skirting the circumference of the wheel. But Piper stays close, leaning over to rest her head against Alex’s shoulder. She doesn’t shift the whole trip.

….

She’d usually leave, but this time, Alex stays. Work plateaus out after an overseas trip anyway, and besides, she should be here. Piper doesn’t say anything about it, just throws Alex amused looks or makes pointless detours to her table, just to skate her fingertips along its surface. Alex beckons her over at some point, but Piper doesn’t come, convinced this is just one of Alex’s games. Eventually, Alex has to walk over to the counter just to order something to eat. 

Piper’s the unlucky one assigned mop duty, and when she starts to impinge on Alex’s spot, Alex kicks the mop under the table, and then traps it under her shoe. Alex keeps it up until the manager leaves his office to do a visual sweep of the area, and glares when he sees Piper in such close proximity to Alex.

“Hurry up, babe.” Alex taunts as she nudges Piper to move along. “I want to get home, eat the leftovers of that Chinese order you totally botched, and fuck your brains out.”

Piper sticks her tongue out at Alex, and thumps the mop down powerfully, splattering dirty water onto Alex’s boots. She retracts, muttering, “Okay, okay!” as she holds up her hands in mock surrender.

….

Alex wakes up one morning, emerging with scruffy looking hair that faintly resembles the hairstyle from the night before. There’s a stiff, burning smell that’s unmistakably coming from inside the apartment, and it’s enough to make Alex crawl warily out of bed, wondering what on earth Piper’s gone and done now.

The house looks roughly intact, or at least appears that way without her glasses, and there’s a fresh wave a relief when half the apartment hasn’t been burned down. Piper’s nowhere to be found, and there’s a rather smashed-up version of a toaster placed in the middle of the bench, and it’s only semi-recognisable from the one Alex remembers.

Alex walks over to inspect it. It’s definitely her toaster, although god knows what Piper’s done to it – because there’s still what looks like two charcoaled versions of crumpets jammed inside, and the side of the toaster has been severed off, and now lies a good metre away. Alex follows the cord to the wall, still switched on, and flicks it off. Piper emerges a few seconds later, brandishing some contraption in one hand, and a pan in the other. 

Alex throws her this suspicious look. “Just what did you do to my toaster?”

“It stopped working.” Piper says bluntly, fiddling with the nozzle of what Alex realises is a hot glue gun.

“Are you sure about that, Piper?” Alex starts, snapping up the fragmented toaster side. “Because this bit seems to be completely disconnected from the actual toaster.” Alex deliberately waves it around in front of Piper’s face to prove her point.

Piper eyes it distrustfully. “Oh, that.” She adjusts the nozzle, and Alex carefully edges herself away from the direction Piper directs it. “It fell off.”

Alex scoffs. “It fell off? All on it’s own? What did it do, jump?”

Piper immediately gets on the defensive, her tone barricading itself up with barbed, haughty defences. “Well it doesn’t matter now, I’m going to fix it.”

Piper plugs it in, flicking the switch. 

“You wanna tell me what happened to those crusty, black-abyss crumpets?” Alex says, using a knife to prod at them. 

“They kind of…uh…caught fire.” Piper squeezes on the trigger, too harshly, shooting liquid straight onto the bench. Piper jumps back a little, brow creasing as she curses under her breath. “Stupid-fucking-thing.”

Alex reaches over to the power point, and disconnects the gun. 

“Hey!” Piper protests.

Alex bites back a smile, prying the gun out of Piper’s hands. “I’m genuinely concerned for your safety. And mine.”

This defeated glare eases its way onto Piper’s face. “But how am I supposed to fix it? With fucking tape?”

“You’re not gonna fix it with a hot glue gun, Piper. I don’t feel like dragging you off to the hospital today.”

“Well, if it hadn’t decided to fucking die on me, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

Alex creases her brow, her mind temporarily lagging as she works through Piper’s words. “Are you accusing the toaster? Because the it sure as hell didn’t hit itself with a pot.”

“This is not my fault.” Piper maintains adamantly, whipping her hands into the air. 

Alex shakes her head, this amused little smirk upturning the corner of her mouth. “Come on,” Alex says, grabbing her keys off the bench. “Let’s go.”

Alex starts walking away, but Piper doesn’t follow, still rooted to the spot, looking half-tempted to plug that glue gun back in. Alex tugs at the back of her shirt.

“Are we going to get tools? So I can fix it?”

“Yep.” Alex deadpans, pushing Piper towards the bedroom. “Go get some clothes on.”

Alex wrestles on a jacket, listening to Piper mutter repeatedly about the apartment’s lack of rudimentary maintenance equipment. Piper tugs on a shirt, hikes up her jeans, then pulls off the top and goes for another one. Alex watches, growing steadily more impatient with each change. Piper goes for the fourth change, her fingertips sliding around the hem, before Alex secures her hand around Piper’s wrist and pulls her in the direction of the door. 

Alex manages to get her into the car, despite how many times she gets distracted by the need to run back to get the toaster, insisting that they might need to show it to a professional. But Alex steps in her way each time, and spins her back in the direction of the car. 

Piper spots a small hardware outlet on the main drag, pointing it out to Alex and directing her towards the exit. Alex nods, precision timed so that it gives the impression she’s actually listening. But Alex proceeds to drives right on past it, without the slightest trace of hesitance. 

“Alex!” Piper yelps, tapping repeatedly on the pane. “You missed the turnoff…”

“Disastrous.” Alex mumbles.

Piper snaps her head around to Alex, slowly catching onto the fact that Alex never any intention of taking her to buy a collection of tools so she could prod away all afternoon at that fucking toaster. “Alex! That’s so deceitful! Let alone mean. God, I loathe you so much sometimes.”

“You get grumpy when you don’t get breakfast. Now being a prime example. I’m hungry. You’re hungry. We’re going to buy food that doesn’t involve a toaster.”

“Fine.” Piper snaps. “But healthy food this time. We live on a diet of absolute trash, Alex. Have you ever realised that?”

Alex nods. “I have, actually. I’ve also noticed this other thing, and it’s the hypocrisy on your part by always complaining about it, but having no trouble when it comes to actually eating all the stuff I buy. Because that’s not a double standard at all.”

Piper’s jaw falls ajar, but it takes her several drawn-out seconds to reply. “Still trash.”

Alex snickers, taking a long glance at the road before she switches back to Piper. “This temper of yours is cute.” Alex taps her thumb gently to the tip of Piper’s nose. “Frustrating as hell, but cute.”

….

Piper takes the lead, leaving Alex to trail around behind her, slumped across the handle of the trolley. Piper heads straight for the fresh produce section, and starts seeking out the greenest, most repulsive vegetables she can find. Alex groans, an almost pained look harbouring in her eye as Piper continually places the offending items into the trolley. Piper stops in front of a display labelled ‘kale’, and holds a bunch up in front of Alex.

Alex locks with Piper’s determined you have no choice in this matter expression, that always throws her a little off her game. “I’m not eating that.” Alex states conclusively.

“It’s good for you.” Piper replies, lowering it into the trolley.

“I don’t recall saying yes to this…” Alex reminds, following Piper down the next row of produce. 

“It’s organic and everything.” Piper says, adding to the list of benefits.

Alex scrunches up her nose. “It’s fancy lettuce.”

“You know, I don’t think it even belongs in the lettuce category. I think it shares more in common with cabbage. Or leeks.”

“It’s a price-inflated bunch of leaves. If I wanted lettuce, I’d buy lettuce.” Alex sweeps a glance around. “There.” Alex starts, pointing over to a crate of unclipped iceberg lettuces. “That’s lettuce. Only fifty cents, too.”

“If price is a problem, I’ll pay for the kale my goddamn self.”

Alex scoffs. “You’re just lucky I don’t make you pay for a new toaster.”

Once Piper has exhausted the fresh produce section, she can’t avoid the aisles any longer. Alex knows Piper is deliberately seeking out the healthiest, most fair-trade, and likely most expensive option available; and eventually Alex decides she’s had enough, and devises a plan.

She starts to chuck in whatever she pleases, trampling Piper’s precious vegetables with all kinds of high fat, processed foods that Piper never has any difficulty finishing off before Alex even has a chance to rummage through the packet. She picks Piper’s preferred flavours, too. Alex even skirts down the frozen foods aisle, heading straight for the ice-cream. 

“Are you done?” Piper growls, glaring daggers at Alex as she slides the container into the trolley. 

Alex evaluates the trolley for a few moments before she replies. “Yep.”

It puts Piper in a foul mood for the journey home, mainly because Alex is being a real dick about the whole situation. For one, she won’t let her fix the toaster. And she’s itching to have a go. She feels responsible and oddly defeated by it. It nags at her, so she decides to have one more go at changing Alex’s mind. Piper sidles up to Alex with a forced smile, as she snakes her hand across the inside of Alex’s thigh, making her jump.

“Can we please go to that hardware shop?” Piper’s voice is oversaturated with sweetness, and brimming with false hope. 

Alex waits a few seconds before responding, letting Piper brush her thumb deadly close to the juncture of her jeans. “Nope.”

Piper throws her a glance that says you’re not fair at all, and huffs her way to the passenger window, as far away from Alex as possible. She grumbles her way through unpacking the shopping bags, too; throwing haughty glances over at Alex at every opportunity. Alex keeps her smirk to herself, placing her hands gently on Piper’s hips as she moves around her, and it clashes so much with Piper’s angry façade that she shrugs Alex off impatiently.

Alex hoists herself onto the bench, reaching over to slide the ice cream container closer. Piper eyes her closely, and Alex knows she dying to make a comment. Alex mentally counts the seconds before Piper can’t hold her tongue anymore.

“You shouldn’t have that for breakfast.” Piper bites, shoving the over-abundance of vegetables into the fridge with unnecessary force. 

Alex bites back a snicker. “You know, I was planning on having toast. But then, what happened to that idea?” Alex snaps her fingers, eyes brimming with amusement. “Oh right! You broke my toaster.”

Piper slams the fridge door shut and spins around to face Alex. Something stops Alex in her tracks. There’s something wild and untapped about that sudden rush of anger. Suddenly, Alex’s mental image of Piper’s temper morphs into the one she has of how she got those bruises. Something clicks.

“Will you just shut the hell up about me breaking your goddamn toaster?” Piper’s words slice as she halts to take a sharp breath. “Yes, Alex! I broke the toaster. I broke something. God forbid I do something so stupid!” Piper’s hands cut through the air wildly, and her eyes are still blazing almost viciously.

It makes Alex swallow down hard, because even though it’s mostly play, even through Piper isn’t seriously angry, there’s fragments of real in there. She expected a rise, and she knew she’d get one. But that wasn’t quite the reaction Alex was expecting.

Something in Alex kicks in. “Come here, babe.”

The colour seems to drain out of Piper cheek’s, like the initial, blinding edge of anger loses it’s edge, and gives way to a much more uncomfortable regret. Piper ducks her head, fidgeting with her hands. “No.” She whispers.

Alex takes a breath, catching Piper’s eye as she holds her hand out, and leaves it suspended in the air. “C’mere.” 

Piper stares for a few seconds, like considering whether or not she’s too prideful to accept the offer. But eventually she relents, and shuffles stubbornly over to Alex. 

Alex pulls her in, anchoring her hand with her own and kissing the side of her head. She feels Piper let go of a shaky breath. “You know I’m only teasing, right?” Alex says, keeping her voice soft around the edges.

A twisted frown makes its way to Piper’s lips. “But I still broke your toaster.”

Alex slides further to the edge of the bench, and pushes Piper into her chest. “Yeah, you did.” Alex glances across the bench. “You did a pretty impressive job of it, too.”

Piper groans, letting Alex run her fingers through her hair. “I don’t care about a toaster. I care about breakfast, and we went and got breakfast. So that’s that problem solved.”

“No, you got icecream.” Piper corrects, nudging herself further into Alex. 

Alex accepts that, not bothering to argue. “And fancy lettuce.” Alex chips in, hearing Piper surrender a laugh against her jumper. 

“Cmon,” Alex prompts, prying the lid off the container, and curling a spoon through the centre. “You know you want some.” Alex lets she spoon hover in front of Piper’s lips, watching as Piper darts her eyes between the spoon and Alex, as though she’s somehow about to walk into a trap. But Alex is usually two steps ahead anyway, and Piper rarely gets her head around the motive until well past the point of no return. “Eat, and I forget about the toaster, and we pitch it off the roof.”

“That sounds dangerous.” Piper takes the spoon from Alex’s hands, and holds it for a moment.

“No, that sounds fun.” Alex corrects. “Come on, though. Just give in, Pipes. Just this once.”

Finally, Piper slips the spoon into her mouth, and Alex immediately breaks into an all-too-triumphant smirk that makes Piper wary of the next comment. But, miraculously, Alex lets it go.

….

Piper manages to put off Alex’s pitch the toaster off the roof badgering’s until midnight, but eventually, Alex proves all too persistent in her arguments that “the toaster is making Piper cranky just by existing”, and truthfully, Piper isn’t really in a position to deny that. She gives it a narrowed, hostile stare whenever she passes by the kitchen, and on more than one occasion, Alex catches her out on it. 

They climb to the roof, and Alex stops to light a cigarette that hangs from the corner of her mouth. Piper hasn’t been to the roof, and she’s instantly regretful that Alex has never shown her this before, because it’s a wonderful (albeit windy) spot, with a surprisingly decent view of the downtown city. Piper leans over the barrier, but it makes Alex jump in concern, and it takes less than two seconds before Piper feels a tight grasp around her arm. 

“You ready?” Alex says, slotting the severed side into the toaster itself, squashing down a crumpet. 

“Steady?” Piper echoes, finding a comfortable throwing position that looks so uncoordinated Alex wonders whether it will actually make it off the roof.

“Go!” 

Piper pitches it, hurling it solidly into the darkness, and leaning over to watch it fall. They hear a smash, but it’s much too dark to see it’s landing position. Alex goes to congratulate her, when a disgruntled shout pierces the air. “You goddamn teenagers! You almost knocked me out!”

Piper eyes widen in unrestrained horror, her mind slowly realising what she almost managed to do. But Alex pulls her down before she has the chance to react, both slinking down behind the wall, safely out of sight. 

“I’m an eighty-seven year old man!” The voice calls again. “I should call the police!” 

Alex struggles to bite back a snicker, burying her head against Piper’s shoulder to muffle the sound. Piper remains deadly still, still listening to see if he has moved away. He doesn’t shout again, so and after a while of cautious silence, both assume it’s safe. 

“Not funny, Alex!” Piper insists, burying her face in her hands. 

“Agree to disagree.” Alex says. “You almost murdered someone with a toaster! If that’s not hilarious, I don’t know what is.”

....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ffn.net is still ahead

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
